Amber - posted on 09/08/2014 ( 1 mom has responded )
I am having the hardest time with this subject. I have always been able to forgive people for the wrong things they have done. I know its what Jesus wants me to do. I also know how much freedom comes from forgiveness, I just can't bring myself to forgive them. Harboring all of this hate in my heart is killing me. Everytime they have wronged me in the past I have forgiven them and they just turn around and end up hurting me again. Now all of this is affecting my marriage. My husband and I fight about it all the time. Now for a little background.
My husband and I have been married for almost 6 years now. We got married after our daughter was born and was 3 months old. He was with me through the whole pregnancy but is not her biological father. We were just best friends who fell in love and her biological father wanted nothing to do with her. My husband has loved her like his own child ever since she was in my tummy. My husband lost his father 2 years before we got together. He was a pastor and from what I understand was a wonderful loving man who truly loved Jesus and everybody else in this world. He also held the whole family together, immediate family as well as distant relatives. Everyone relied and depended on him. After he passed away everything fell apart for my husbands family. My mother in law came into alot of money after he died, and I believe it completely changed her and her daughter. My husband and I are both the same as in, we could care less about money and are thankful for everything we have. But their lives are consumed with it. They are so stuck up. His mother is an avid church attender, she even has a womens study group ( which she never invites me to) and is well liked in the community. But behind closed doors is the meanest and ugliest person I have ever met and so is her daughter. They talk about people like dogs and are despicable to me and my husband. I just can't wrap my head around how they are suppose to be Christians and are so mean. Its like everything they do is for show, not from the heart. They have never treated my daughter or me like we are part of the family. I know they are jealous of how pretty we both are, because they have said so from time to time and in so many words. They never want us to be involved with family functions and have said horrible things about us at the functions we didn't attend. Every time they are around me my heart gets all jumbled up. When I see them I automatically get angry. This kills my husband, we are his first priority and he always stands up for us, but I know the situation breaks his heart. We fight about it and I get mad at him for not doing something sometimes but I am wrong for that, because really what can he do? He can't change them. I am just looking for a way to fight and blaming him for my hatred of them. I know that my hatred for them is not harming anyone but myself. They make me turn into someone I'm not. I ask God to help me forgive them at least 3 times a day, but nothing has changed. I'm not Jesus and I just can not continue to keep forgiving them and then them turning around and hurting my family again. And I do not want my children growing up and thinking its ok to treat people the way they do. What should I do? Any suggestions will help as well as prayers. Thanks so much and God bless