I can't get passed all the challenges I'm having with step-parenting.

Jennifer - posted on 12/31/2013 ( 2 moms have responded )




I met my now Fiance almost 5 years ago. I was 24 and it was my first relationship. I was with him just 3 months when his Ex-gf and mother of 2 of his kids, then 8 and 2, decided to leave the kids to him. She signed over custody, let him stay living in her rental house, and went about her partying life at age 25. He then asked me to live with him. Wow did I not realize what I was getting into. Long story short... I've been raising his children ever since and it's been super challenging. I grow up in a world of rules and manners and respect of household and parents. I feel I was very sheltered, had limited "entertainment" activities at home and did well in school. My bf on the other hand got anything he asked for, had pretty much no rules, and didn't do so well with school and legal rules. Because of this we have VERY different parenting views and unfortunetly for me- mine are the ones that don't get followed. I try my best to not be "as strict as my mother" and I don't want to be... But why can't basic household rules be followed. Why can't shoes be put on the shoe shelf right by the door? Why does the now 7 year old constantly run around in the living room when he has just as enough space in his own room? Why doesn't everyone have to help out around the house- clean own room is a huge issue?. Why are balls thrown when there is a strict no balls thrown in the room that contains the huge expensive tv?! Why can't anyone say please and thank you- not only at home but at places like receiving tons of Xmas gifts from my parents and not saying thank you even after being reminded to do so. I am just so frustrated. I have a 2.5 yo daughter and another on the way. I want there to be normal rules followed by them and to teach them manners. How can I when there isn't a decent model around this house. Also- how can they not be spoiled rotten when the boys share a room full of tons of toys, 3 video game systems, 3 TV's total and get to do pretty much whatever they ask!!!! Okay end rant!


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Amy - posted on 01/01/2014




Just out of curiousity why are you having a second child with him if things aren't going well right now? I don't mean to be negative but if you weren't happy why bring another child into the picture. Even if you leave he's still going to have visitation with the two children you have together so there will be rules at your house and then they'll go to dads where there isn't any rules. You need to sit down with your fiance and tell him your concerns, you may need family counseling since it's gone on for so long I doubt it's going to change overnight.

Sandy - posted on 12/31/2013




I do not have any experience with this but I'm sure it very challenging.
I bet for certain that there are specific groups like this online.
I know that some counsellors actually specialize in 'blended-families'.
Good luck.

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