Holly - posted on 11/08/2012 ( no moms have responded yet )
There have been many posts here about abusive relationships. I can't help but feel the need to share this. I was in an abusive relationship, it was my second relationship in my entire existence. I was 19, he was AMAZING, he was older, he took me places, he opened my eyes to the world. I moved in with him. He moved his brother in with us, but his brother didn't speak any english, and i didn't speak very much spanish. So that was pretty awkward, but he moved his brother in to "keep an eye on me" when i did laundry, he came with me, when I went to get groceries, he cam e with me. I didn't talk much with my family anymore. Now that i look back, i am not sure if it was because he made me feel as if since i was getting older i shouldn't, or if it was my own choice. we went out a few times to clubs, or bars, we would hang out with his family (who spoke no english) and we would drink. many nights after work he wouldn't come home. I began to get suspicious, and i looked through his wallet, when i confronted him with a letter i found (in spanish, but i could tell that it was about love and kisses and hugs, and how much i love you) he grabbed me by my hair and pulled me to the wall got right in my face and told me to NEVER look through his wallet again. I was terrified. some time later he told me about how he almost shot this one girl he was with. I was terrified. I remember at one point he didn't want me going out. he didn't like it if i left the apartment. So i spent most of my time home watching tv. I watched Maury, and Montel, and Oprah. Many of the shows were about women being abused. I don't know if God was trying to send me messages that i just didn't want to hear. Another time when he was home i looked through his car, I found undeveloped film, and i went and got it developed... i found pictures of women, and so i confronted him, he struck me. After being struck i "learned my lesson" and didn't confront him any more. later i found out i was pregnant and we decided to keep it a secret, until i was about 3 months pregnant. He still wouldn't allow me to go outside, unless accompanied by his brother. He still wouldn't always come home, we fought about this, he always got me to shut up but grabbing my hair and pushing me to the wall and getting in my face. at one point he even grabbed my throat. later in my pregnancy, i decided, i was going to end up going into labor, and he wasn't going to be home. so we both moved into my mom's house, so that i could have someone take me to the hospital that cared about me. after having the baby, he stayed out for days, and when he got home I woke him up and confronted him, he was FURIOUS, i blocked the door so he couldn't walk out (brave move), that pissed him off and he grabbed my hair and through me across the room. I ran and told my mother what was happening, I heard a loud crash, she told me to take the baby and my little brother and get out... she called the police I was terrified for my mother, a police car came and got us, and took us back home... they were surprised at how much hair was everywhere, they were sickened by what was happening, all i could think was why hadn't i done this sooner? why couldn't I stand up for myself? since then i have tried to help women be brave enough, if not for them, for their babies, for their family who cares for them. If you wonder why women stay in these circumstances, its because the men brainwash them to make them think they deserve to be treated this way, that THEY are the one's who made them angry and so it's THEIR fault that they hit them... it takes LOTS of brainwashing. they don't go into the relationship getting hit. the men separate them from their family, he was ALWAYS telling me how much my mom is such a whore, how many times she slept with everyone at the restaurant that he works at. how my sister slept with someone down there too... even though she was married... how my mom tries to come on to him... when you are separated from your family and friends, you cling to what ever you can.