[deleted account] ( 2 moms have responded )
I never expected my husband to put his family above work. Never, because I know that his job always comes first. He's in the Military and so was I, so I know first hand that family comes second and I am fully ok with it. But I made sacrifices that he never had to do. I gave up everything so that I can raise our child. I became a dependent, something I never to wanted to be. I never wanted to be part of that club, but now I am part of it and I'm being reminded every time I look at my ID. I'm going to school full time, I have 4.0 GPA, why? Because I feel so terribly guilty that I spend every chance I get doing school. I want to achieve something great so I don't have this terrible feeling of guilt for choosing to get out of the Military for this thing called "family"
Every since I got out, I lost everything that I built up for myself. My independence, my life, my job, my money, my monthly paychecks, and my freedom. I am somebody that I don't recognize and that I can't stand anymore. We moved overseas and I don't know anyone here nor do I care to. I want to crawl in a hole and hide and wish that all of this is a bad dream. I sit in this house all day long with a toddler who screams and throws tantrums and yells at me and throws things at me. I told my husband that I need help, that I feel overwhelmed, but he didn't help me the way I needed him to. I am in this house 24/7. We only have one car and he always has it. We never go anywhere, because he wants to sit at home and play xbox or work on his car. He's 30 years old and I'm miserable. I regret every day for giving up my life. How could I be so stupid? I gave up everything I had for what? For this? This family? This Life? I want out, I want out so badly. He used to be married and he took her everywhere, they went on vacations, they did things together. We have yet to go on a single vacation after being married for 4 years. We never even had a honeymoon. I guess I don't deserve the same things as her. She cheated on him while he was deployed. I cry and I cry and Im at the point where I can't stop anymore. My love towards my family has turned into hate. I don't want see him and i don't want to see my daughter. I made sacrifices that he would never do for me or for us and our family. Every weekend I ask him if we can go somewhere and he says that he just wants to stay home, and when I say that we stay home every weekend, he gets mad and says "why can't we just do what i want to do for once?" I can't understand why he would say that? I am in this house 24 hours a day 7 days a week and 365 days a year. I do what he wants EVERY DAY, why can't he see that I'm dying inside. I know that he can see, why does he look away? That light at the end of the tunnel is slowly but surely starting to fade.
I have no strength left in me to fight, my mind and body have given up. I'm out of hope and I don't have the strength to pray anymore. I made a mistake 4 years ago and now I have lost everything I worked for. All I have is my husband and daughter and those exact same people are the ones I wish to have never met.