I caught my 10 yr old smoking this morning!!!

Lanie - posted on 10/23/2012 ( 5 moms have responded )




I woke up this morning to the smell of cigerette smoke ...which i thought was odd , but figured that maybe someone was smoking next door to me and the smell came in through my open window.

But i did make a comment of ' why does it smell like smoke in here?' when i first woke up..

Within minutes my daughter broke down crying , and said ' ok ok ..it was ME!' ..

I just looked at her and said ' are you serious??"

The look on her face told me she was.

I don't know what to do , i don't know who to punish worse ..me for smoking in the first place , or her for being a child and doing what children do????

I had a very long talk with her , i held her ...i cried ..i just sat there in shock.

I asked her how many time's she has done this , she said not many ..than she switched to she just did it once this morning ...and then back to ' i dont know how many times '...

I asked her to show me where the cigerette was that she was smoking ..and she took me out to the balcony and showed me the smoke that she had smoked , and she looked like she had just lit it and smoked a bit of it and then put it out..which scares the crap out of me because i have always told her not to touch lighters ...and she has told me so many times that she would never ever smoke!!

She has been grounded from everything for a week...as for me , i stop smoking TODAY.

All lighter's and ashtrays will be taken off my balcony and thrown out , my smokes will go in the garbage as well.

She finally told me that she has only done it a couple of times within the month ...but as far as im concerned ONCE didn't need to happen at all!!!!

I blame myself ....i have tried to quit so many time's ...and i always go to stress to continue to smoke ,which i now know was so wrong

I sat her down and told her that i didn't want her smoking at all, that it was not something that she should be doing and that i know i am not leading a good example and that i will no longer be smoking.

I feel like i failed as a parent :(


Dove - posted on 10/23/2012




You haven't failed as a parent. Even kids who's parents DON'T smoke sometimes try it. You're punishing her and taking it as a sign that YOU need to stop smoking as well. I'd say that makes you an awesome parent!

Good luck in quitting! Maybe carry a picture of your daughter around, so that anytime you get tempted to light up you can look at the reason why you have to quit. ♥

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Dana - posted on 05/06/2013




I caught my 13 yr old son with half a cigarette in his pocket when he was reaching for some money, and it popped out. I was in shock. I have to say, everybody I know smokes, except for me. Even his older sisters & his older guy cousins, who he looks up to, all smoke. I smoked for years, but it made me so sick. When I was 27, they found a spot of emphysema on my lungs. I started smoking when I was only 9, and I was highly addicted to cigarettes. My brother used to fear for me, that they were going to kill me. And they would've, but I was already suffering so bad from the emphysema, I couldn't breathe, it was awful. I still have to live around second-hand smoke, and I hate it. I'm scared to death it's going to catch up to me and I'm still going to have emphysema or lung cancer or something. It's terrifying, because I've experienced first-hand what it's like to not be able to breathe. I couldn't even talk or move, because it stole my oxygen. Unbelievable I suffered that, but I did. And now, I know my 13 yr old son is smoking. It is absolutely breaking my heart. I don't really know what to do, but I cried. Me and him had a heart-to-heart. I want him to always be able to tell me things. I'm 43 and nothing surprises me anymore. If I didn't do it growing up, then I promise my daughters did. I found out getting angry or such does not help. My son knows how serious I am about the smoking. He told me he feels guilty. I told him that he still had a choice. That smoking was nasty and it would steal the simple things in life from him, like just being able to go to the movies or something, because cigarettes are so expensive. Also, he can't smoke in our house. He knows it makes me sick. My husband usually goes outside to smoke, but he gets lazy sometimes, and wants to smoke while watching tv or something, and it never fails - I end up with a bronchial infection. I can actually feel it in my lungs, even if I never saw him smoke. I generally don't pay it any attention. And I told my son that it was going to steal his health during a time when he should be stronger and healthier than ever. I don't want to see him smoke, and I certainly can't afford to help him smoke. I also told him that he would know what a big mistake it was when he doesn't have any cigarettes, but he's crawling out of his skin wanting one. Life was going to suck when that happens, and I assured him it would happen. Cause it will. But, I'm hoping and praying that it's mostly curiosity. Ultimately, our kids have to make their own health and habit choices, regardless of what we do to try to prevent the bad things. My brother used to come down so hard on his son when he was caught smoking, but he was already addicted to them, and couldn't quit. My brother spent the last few years of his life (he passed away) fighting with his son over the cigarettes. And it did no good whatsoever. I'm not saying condone it by any means. Just that maybe we have to place more responsibility on our kids to make the right choices. When I was growing up, even the "good" kids smoked. And would drink wine coolers while riding around town. Those were the "good" kids! So let's just not be naive. Smoking is a scourge upon our children and I detest it with everything in me. I just hope that in the end, my son will trust my influence over the others in his life.

Cass - posted on 10/29/2012




Way to take action by quitting! Just because she found your cigarettes and smoked some of them, it doesn't mean that you failed, you've just come to realize the power of your influence on her. Which is why its so great that you have decided to quit. This will show your daughter how important it is not to smoke, and she will follow your lead (once again). Stuff like this happens. Its a harsh wake up call, but guaranteed you're not the only person this has happened too. Just be grateful you caught her. I smoked at that age but my parents never caught me. Thankfully I only smoked a handful before realizing how pointless and stupid it was. Its a good sign that both you and your daughter were both upset. She knows its wrong, and she sees how it hurt you. Don't worry though this wont bother you forever.

Hope - posted on 10/29/2012




I wouldn't be too worried, you definitely did NOT fail! Give yourself more credit! Some kids see a person close to them smoking and think it's cool. I'll be honest: I smoked my first cig when I was 10. My older brother smoked (although he wasn't living with us at the time because he was out of high school when I came around) and I think that's what made me curious. Both my parents NEVER smoked and are avidly against smokers. I didn't officially start smoking until my sophomore year in high school and still smoke now- although not as frequently because I never want to smoke around my son. I keep the butts contained in a can/bottle where he cannot even see them/get to them.

If you are completely serious about quitting, I would try the e-cig. I've tried it and it was not that bad. You can get the kind with or without nicotine and since it's water vapor, you can smoke inside the house too. It's actually ALOT cheaper than smoking real cigs. (about $5 for 2 packs I believe.)

Holly - posted on 10/23/2012




don't blame yourself. she probably has only done it a few times... you did right by grounding her. it will be hard to quit smoking, but you NEED to, that way she doesn't have easy access to any. you need to remind her smoking is NOT cool, it doesn't make you look like a "cool girl" and it makes you so unhealthy... take her to her pediatrician and let him know that you caught her smoking, if he could please tell her all the dangers of smoking. and all the benefits of NOT smoking. it may be a good refresher course for you as well to hear this.

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