I confronted my friend about her bully son

Suzy - posted on 06/03/2016 ( 5 moms have responded )




Hello, I'm new to this group and I need advice badly before I say something I probably shouldn't..
Here's what happened. I have been friends with this woman for 5 years . We have socialized with our husbands and kids many times. Our boys have been very close friends since kindergarten and they are now in 4th grade. 6 months ago my son came to me and told me that her son was bullying other kids and sometimes him. He said their friends are tired of his behaviour and no longer wanted to be friends with him. I struggled with the idea of telling her because I knew she would not take the news well. Finally my son actually asked me to talk to her because things were just getting worse. So I told her in the nicest possible way what was going on and that her boy was being mean to other kids and was in jeopardy of losing all his friends. She did not believe me and told me that she was going to do nothing about it and not worry about it at all.. I was floored at her response but left her with the info thinking her as my friend would come around. It's been 6 months and not a word and now her and her husband blatantly ignore my kids and school functions are now extremely awkward. Obviously our friendship is over but I want to call her out on her immature behaviour and want all this petty crap to end. How would you deal with this situation??


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Michelle - posted on 06/04/2016




Well you can't change what has happened but at least you know that next time let the school know. Always encourage your child to report any bullying to the teachers straight away as well.
I do agree with you that her behaviour is pretty immature though but you can't do anything about that.

Jodi - posted on 06/04/2016




Parents need to stop taking these matters into their own hands. If there is an issue of bullying, it should be reported to the school. It is then up to the school to talk the students involved and the parents. I agree with Sarah that the way you dealt with it probably wasn't appropriate. If you have witnessed the bullying, then you need to let the school know. If there is gossip in the carpark that you are overhearing about this child, you should encourage those parents to also take it to the school rather than continue the carpark gossip - carpark gossip never leads to anything positive.

I disagree that a lot of schools do nothing about bullying. Schools do a lot. But they can't do anything if it isn't reported.

Suzy - posted on 06/04/2016




Thank you for your reply, I wondered if I handled it wrong. I googled it and talked with other friends on how to handle it and everything I read told me to do it this way instead of reporting it to school first because we were close friends.It was not just my child that said it. I've overheard many, many conversations on play dates, field trips, Skype etc. It took me a few weeks of observations and actually seeing it with my own eyes to come to the conclusion that I should say something. If my kid was being a bully and he was being excluded from play groups I would want to know. If our roles were reversed this would of been over within a week. I would of talked to my kid about bullying in all forms and followed up with her and it would of been over with. Her and I hung out all the time outside of school and have had extensive chats about bullying. She just wasn't prepared to hear it about her own kid. I don't know how else I could of resolved it without making it worse. I didn't criticize her kid at all, he is a good kid most of the time and I didn't even mention the word bully. I actually brought this up out of concern for him.. And you're right, I shouldn't speak on other kids behalf but most kids don't report bullying and a lot of schools don't really do anything to help. Ugh, parenting is hard!!

Sarah - posted on 06/03/2016




Well you were out of line to confront her and say:
" I told her in the nicest possible way what was going on and that her boy was being mean to other kids and was in jeopardy of losing all his friends"
First, you had only your own child's opinion, second you do not speak for the other kids and third rather than voice a concern; you flat our criticized her kid.
If this kids were a bully at school, then the school should be dealing with it. A conversation with a teacher might have been received more readily than one from a parent. Also there are two side to every story and truth is usually somewhere in the middle.

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