I could really use some encouragement!!

Erinn - posted on 04/16/2009 ( 107 moms have responded )

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I just need to vent a bit! I'm a 30 year old mom of 2.... my son is 3 and my daughter is 5 months, which is exhausting!! My husband is also unemployed and I have NOT been sleeping.... i'm at the end of my rope and really need people to talk to! I'm exhausted physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually!! I sooooo need some words of encouragement right now.... I don't even know who I am anymore or what I enjoy doing!! Please help me!!

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Erin - posted on 04/16/2009

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Hang in there, I am also 30 and a mother of two, my daughter is 5 and my son 18 months. I was laid off last November and now I'm a stay at home mom, fortunately my husband is working and supporting us. I know how you feel about not knowing what you enjoy and who you are, but just keep telling yourself you are a mom, a strong woman who loves your family. Reach out to your family and friends and don't be ashamed to take help wherever you can get it. Pray hard and hope things work out for your family. By the way your kids are beautiful.

Cyndi - posted on 04/16/2009

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I can relate - my husband has been looking for work for several months now and I have an exhausting day job as well as being mom and Partylite leader.



I don't want to sound cliche' but I truly believe that God has a purpose for you through these challenges. It may not necessarily be a lesson for you entirely, but also a message to others about strength, tenacity, and family coming together.

If possible, take 5-10 minutes to yourself and shut out the world. Maybe hubby can take the kids to the park. Silence your mind and look into your heart. "Let Go - Let God!" Do this at least a few times a week to get mental clarity.

Also take time with you hubby and look at the blessings in your life. It is hard, but even acknowledging that you are grateful for his love will make a difference in your mental space.



Take each day as it comes =) You will be okay!

Cyndi

http://www.partylite.biz/cting

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Nyree - posted on 02/17/2012

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Whoa sweetie ok breathe, say wooosah... Ask your husband to give you thirty minutes of alone time. Make you a nice hot bubble bath, and relax. Get yourself a prayer regimen going so you can bring your mind back together. I know this is a difficult situation for anyone. There's not much that I can say that would improve your situation over night. Its going to be difficult and you are going to need to keep your cool. I have been through that, as mother's we go through so much, and try to stay so strong sometimes we have to just let go. Get you a goal sheet (start small) and work on it from there.

Christine - posted on 02/13/2012

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i would take some time to your self and have your husband to a night or 2 of getting up with the baby and do a day when he takes care of the kids and you go out even just for a coffee or to walk around. i would ask for more help from him with getting the kids up and putting them to sleep.

Catherine - posted on 02/10/2012

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If you can get out the house a few hours a week leave the kids with your husband even if you get a part time job waiting tables/working with the public, I find talking to people even if it only about little things helps, just having someone notice you or having a conversation with an adult can be great! I have two boys and in the house when the weather bad or when they off nursery can be mind numbing and completely understand where you are! I am a single parent working part time on a low income it is hard work and stressful to say the least! Also keep communications open between you and your husband even at your lowest point too! GOOD LUCK x

Catherine - posted on 02/10/2012

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If you can get out the house a few hours a week leave the kids with your husband even if you get a part time job waiting tables/working with the public, I find talking to people even if it only about little things helps, just having someone notice you or having a conversation with an adult can be great! I have two boys and in the house when the weather bad or when they off nursery can be mind numbing and completely understand where you are! I am a single parent working part time on a low income it is hard work and stressful to say the least! Also keep communications open between you and your husband even at your lowest point too! GOOD LUCK x

Kimber - posted on 06/17/2011

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well hello there, well it does sound like to me that you do need you a little help,but no worries on feeling the way that you are i think that it is totaley normal. You have alot going on right now,and i know it sure can be stressfull as all get out,but just try to keep hanging in there girl,and soon hopefuly things will get better for you!! But i have to say that i sooooo understand the not even knowing who you are anymore,or not even knowing what it is that you enjoy! It can be sad i get that!!!So anyway just wanted to let you know that you are not the only mom that feels that way ,so you are not alone girl! Best of luck to you -Kim

Rebecca - posted on 04/22/2009

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i can definately understand the need to vent. My advice would be that you need some time to yourself without having to worry about the kids. See if you can get a family member or even your husband to take care of the kids for a few hours and just go off on your own or with a group of friends and just relax. It is amazing how rejuvinated you feel just by not having the worries and stress of being a mum for a few hours at least. Even if all you need to do is sleep organise for your husband or family/friend to take the kids somewhere for a little while and just rest. I know it is boring and common advice but it does help. Hang in there, don't give up and if you ever feel overwhelmed or exhausted, just organise some time for you to relax and recover.

Dana - posted on 04/21/2009

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GOD doesn't send us anything we can't handle.You are a woman and one thing about a woman when times get hard we know how to handle our business.You need to try and take a little time for yourself.Your husband isn't working so tell him to watch the kids for awhile you need some you time.I know i am a single mother of 2 .

Tiare - posted on 04/21/2009

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I too am a 30 year old mother but only of one. much different, but i am a single mom. so i know the pain of raising your child and the stresses that go along with it. there are some options... have you thought about going to work? as crazy as it sounds, your husband could watch the kiddos while you get out and start working. that would bring money in.. it also would get you out of the house a bit. i know your thinking, thats not exactly what you had in mind, but honestly it does help. you get to socialize with grownups and make money. it also gives you a break from the kiddos. and when your husband finds a job, you can cut down to part time or even leave it all together if thats what you decide. when i was married i took the first year off while he worked the whole time, its hard! you do sometimes loose who you are.. but getting out of the house when i went back to work did wonders for my vocabulary! LOL!!!! and my selfesteem honestly. you may not want to but you do have to do what you have to do! i do believe that god has a plan for everyone, and maybe its just what you need. you dont have the luxury to just get out and go do your nails and go to lunch, im assuming your on a tight budget, but with you working you may even be able to do that occasionally. if you choose not to do that then i would suggest making play dates with some friends that way you have some people to talk to. i would also suggest getting out for a walk every single day that the weather permits, that really helped when i was at home with my son. just something about the fresh air that boosts your spirits a bit! good luck and hang in there, everything will work out!

Samantha - posted on 04/21/2009

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Go to the doctors or speak to your health visitor they are there to help in these situations. They have helped me through some bad patches. I recently had depression to the point where I could not stop crying and thinking bad thoughts so my health visitor referred me to a doctor who got me on anti depressants and also I now have an outreach worker who I can call whenever I need help with absolutly anything. The best thing for you would be a sure start worker they can come out and watch your kids if you fancy a nap or catch up on some cleaning or they can just be there as a friend to moan at. There is help out there it's just you need to ask for it. Never feel ashamed to, there is no shame in asking for help so you can parent your children better.

Robin - posted on 04/21/2009

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Erinn, Instead of dwelling on the negative, look at the positive: Your children are healthy and happy! Talk to your husband and ask him to take the kids for a few hours and get out of the house... go to lunch with a girl-friend or go to a bookstore and select one book just for you. Take a break from being mother and wife, if only for just a few hours every week. Additionally, take the kids to the park and meet some other young mothers... you'll find that you are not alone (read the posts here too). Go to church or seek out someone with the same spiritual beliefs. Finally, after the kids are in bed, take a long warm bath and relax... then go to bed and sleep peacefully, having hubby be on point for the mid-night feedings if necessary. Good luck, I'm praying that tonight you have a wonderful night's sleep.

Mary - posted on 04/21/2009

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Erinn,
You are unfortunately going through something many women have gone through for many, many, many years. I have a daughter your same age with children close to the same ages AND they both have allergies. She also has a 5 year old in school. This is what she said to me about everything, "No matter how bad things get, someone else has it a lot worse than I do, I'm tired and tired of being tired but if I give up I loose, I chose to have my babies and I choose to be a better person every day I don't complain and let all the bad things pull me down. So my encouragement to you is do what you can do the best you can do it. It doesn't have to be perfect just the best you can do. Every day make the choice that you are going to live better NOT sadder. Good luck.
P.S. I have 7 children all raised but one that is 17 and still in School, its only what you make of it.

Lori - posted on 04/21/2009

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This may sound a tad bit selfish, but when my kids were young (I have 4) I would go for a ride every night in the car by myself, turning up my music as loud as I could stand it! If you don't want to drive, go to your local high school track and walk as fast and as hard as you can (take an ipod or hand held cd player). Tune out the world and focus on only yourself for that hour. The hubby can handle the kids for that long. Exercise increases your endorphins and exercising will release the negative energy you are hanging onto. God has put challenges in front of you for a reason. You will come out a stronger person because of it. I will pray for your husband to find a job soon. Positive energy is being sent your way. God Bless!

Nancy - posted on 04/21/2009

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you have to hang in there! not for yourself but for those kids that are depending on you. ask your parents or his to babysit for a night and try to get some much needed rest.

Jamie - posted on 04/21/2009

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I hear ya. I know being a parent can be exhausting! I am there. I have a 21 month old, a 13 yr old step daughter, and another one on the way. My step daughter hates me b/c we are having another. Daycare is so expensive I may need to quit my job then we will have to look for health insurance which is expensive. Life is hard these days for everyone. Hang in there and pray. I take long walks that helps and I talk alot to friends! I also take long, hot bubble baths.

Jamie - posted on 04/21/2009

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Quoting Erinn:

I could really use some encouragement!!

I just need to vent a bit! I'm a 30 year old mom of 2.... my son is 3 and my daughter is 5 months, which is exhausting!! My husband is also unemployed and I have NOT been sleeping.... i'm at the end of my rope and really need people to talk to! I'm exhausted physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually!! I sooooo need some words of encouragement right now.... I don't even know who I am anymore or what I enjoy doing!! Please help me!!


 

Andrea - posted on 04/21/2009

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Hang in there. I only have one son...he's 2. Right now I'm unemployed and my husband is working and it's really hard to make ends meet. We try to have a night every couple of weeks for just the 2 of us. We don't spend alot of money, we just rent a movie and stay in or we used to go to a hockey game. It helps because it's gets me to spend sometime with my husband with mo worries or distractions! Just hang in there it will get better!

Ruben - posted on 04/21/2009

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Get help and get some sleep. My best advice is don't be afraid to ask for help anywhere you can get it. I was a Mr. Mom for almost two years and I used to kill myself trying to prove I could handle the job as well as any woman. What I finally realized one day was, no matter how much willpower I had, I simply couldn't perform without a reasonable amount of sleep. I finally asked my mother to watch the kids while I caught up on some sleep and it changed everything. The biggest difference I noticed once I got my head on straight was how well the children responded. The better my mood was, the better the kids were.

Letitia - posted on 04/21/2009

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Errin, Do you take vitamins? A B-50 complex would be great for you! When the body is under a tremendous amount of stress it uses up all of the B vitamins in your body. The B vitamins regulate hormones, help with the nervous system and have a lot to do with mood, especially for women. If you want, go online and research them a little bit. Some of them are folic acid, niacin, etc. Anything your body does not use will be excreted from the body. It does not store. I suggest taking one in the morning with breakfast and one at night with some milk before bed. It will also help you sleep. I have 5 children ages 4-13 and I call these vitamins my happy pills. Don't lose hope and I really do know how you feel. These vitamins will help you relax and things won't seem as dire. They will help you get your head back to a place where it can deal. Aslo, you need to get perspecitve. Take one day at a time. Also, eventhough you're tired, a walk is always good for your mental state. Throw the kids in a double stroller and go! The kids will love it, too. At one point, I had two in a double stroller and one on my back. I looked like a freakin' pack mule, but it kept me sane!!! Good luck and don't worry.This too shall pass. They do get older and your husband will get another job. Say your prayers and trust that God knows what he is doing. Your kids are beautiful and you are doing a great job!! Chin up and if you have any more questions, contact me anytime! Tisha : )

Jeannine - posted on 04/20/2009

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I commend you for all your hard work. I admire people that can be that completely honest with themselves and still be vulnerable enough to ask for help. I am sure you are doing an incredible job with your kids, but maybe you can leave them with your husband for a few hours and take some much needed time to yourself, or even a daytime nap if you are not getting any sleep at night.

Mimi - posted on 04/20/2009

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Is your Husband helping? Do you have a support network. Are you not sleeping because of the baby or because you can't. If it is not the baby you need to get some professional help. where do you live? Is there a crises intervention. You can speak to someone and then get couseling under Charity care if you can not afford it.

Donelle - posted on 04/20/2009

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I understand where you are comming from. I have twin boys that are 2yrs old and they were sleeping through the night for about 3 months and all of a sudden no more. We were going through the job loss time as well and for a family of six is very emotionally draining along with the sleepless nights since I don't work and go to school full time, we depend on my husband to bring home the money to live on. What I can suggest is going for a walk at night either with the kids or without to give you a little break. I know some guys not all don't like to get up in the middle of the night and help a little but you need to discuss it with your husband and tell him to at least give you one good night sleep. You need time to spend with yourself and find who you are again or your family will not be happy if mom isn't happy, Hope this is helpful to you good luck.

[deleted account]

Matthew 11:28 (The Message)

28-30"Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you'll recover your life. I'll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won't lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you'll learn to live freely and lightly."

I am sorry you are struggling. You can't possible know who you are when at this time you have no you. It's like Amy Grants old song Hats, look it up if you get a chance. Remember that once the little one turns one you can breath a little easier. Right now you may not enjoy that much, being a Mom is hard and sometimes it's a grind. But God chose you to be the wonderful Mother of those two little babies, knowing that with his help you CAN get through this. My husband has been off and on employed for over a year and yet God has helped us pay all of our bills. Trust is him and he will make your paths straight. Ask God for what you really need and you will find it :o) Hope this helps.

[deleted account]

I would make an appointment to see the Dr . i was in a similar position myself when my kids where that age, i went to Dr and got some antidepressants then went to counselling - i'd highly recommended therapy. good on you for reaching out nad asking for some help! .. pop along to your Dr's and have a chat about not sleeping and everything.

MaryJo - posted on 04/20/2009

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hi I am a 30 year old mother of 2. my son is also 3 and my daughter is 6 months. she does not sleep all might yet so some days i am totally a zombie. My husband has a good job thank god but i got cut a lot of hours at my job. almost half. and it is very hard to pay bills. I now how you feel. you want to be there for your kids and your husband but that you have lost yourself somewhere. I hope your husband finds a job soon. I am always around to listen if you need to talk. venting to a caring ear can be very helpful. good luck

Angela - posted on 04/20/2009

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you need to be strong i know its stressful at this time i have a daughter who is 3 and she keeps me busy at all times , and u have 2 kids so i def feel for ya, but you need to be strong, keep your head high you can do it, is your husband even trying to look for work? i would be at him for that , cause right now you need all the help now raising 2 children and not havin a husband who works can be very stressful, does he help you at home with the kids? if so tht can lift off a lil bit of weight , but if not id say somethan cause ur lil one the 3 yr old is at the stage where he will be contantly on the go , busy busy at this age, and i want to tell you somethan as well just a lil inspirational poem i found and i would like you to keep it in mind each and every day whn u think u cant handle it , cant handle things to carry on, whn u get so exhausted when you dont know wht to do anymore, as per the last replay in u needing a theripist , no you dont you just need time for yourself, as well as be strong........

Be Strong

by Brian John

Be strong, live long
Always be true to yourself
Right wrongs, sing songs
I am praying for your health

Be strong, keep it real
I know you will succeed
Hold your head up high
You have got all that you need

Be strong, keep it real
Life goes so fast it is like a race
But even when the pace is toe-to-heel
I still see a smile on your face

With your dreams you are making progress
You are an inspiration to your friends
Peace, I love you, and God bless
I am in your corner till the end .

Heather - posted on 04/20/2009

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This happens to alot of moms especially when there are high tensions in the home. The first thing I would suggest try to get out of the house without the family go out to lunch with a girlfriend even if it is just coffee it sonds like you need a break. But when your daughter is a little bit older it gets easier in some regards my son was three when I had my daughter too. It is hard he is used to you being right there how many times have you had to tell him hold on I'm with the baby this is a big change for everyone and with the income cut it is stressful. I promise soon it will get better but get out f the house girl you cant do mommy talk all the time. I'm not a big drinker so to get out of my house for a while I go to bingo it gets me out of the house for a while and I get that break I need. I don't think you have to talk to a therapist what you are going through and feeling is normal the loss of sleep, the stress, not doing what you enjoy doing there is nothing wrong with you, your a tired mom, me too. Take care of yourself it is important you need to be healthy for your kids and give yourself some credit it seems you are a great mother, take a bubble bath and unwind hope to hear you are doing better soon.

Cristill - posted on 04/20/2009

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I felt that way when i was going through post pardom,I got through it on my own no meds.with family close by to help.. Do you have family close by? It is a adjustment having two kids and sleeping is a big part of all of it.you really need to try to get more sleep and i know things will get better.i will pray for you... cristill

Donna - posted on 04/20/2009

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My husband has been laid off so much (Luckily not at the moment) Just hang in there all will work itself out. Just remember your a beautiful, smart and loving woman and we can do anything. I just turned 40 and the Mother of 3 and I just went back to work after a 7 year break I work in our local Bar & Grill and I love it the people have so many stories. The bad part is so many are laid off like your husband.So hang in there and I'll keep you in my prayers, Donna











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Lana - posted on 04/20/2009

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I am a mother of two as well.. 3.5 year old son and a 2 month old daughter...I am positive you are doing a great job... you need around 15- 30 minutes for yourself each day... we all need more but sometimes that is asking too much.You need time for yourself... you have to take it... ask your hubby for help... to watch over the kids while you take a bath... try not to put excuses such as, "But I only have to do this or that" you need to split chores with your husband... take turns cooking dinner...
What you are going through is normal... but pat yourself on the back as motherhood is not an easy job... it is one of the hardest jobs in the world as you are in charge of two "persons"... individuals... trying to raise them to become good citizens... that is a big responsibility... so come on now... pat yourself on the back... look at yourself in the mirror and say to yourself out loud... I am a good mother... a good wife... and a great person... I am... and count the number of things you are good at... say it out loud... take a break... go have your hair done... or a facial massage... or just go read a book... reward yourself for a job well done...
if your kids sleep at night... and you cannot sleep.. then take some herbal sleeping pills and ask your husband to wake up with the kids... You need to have at least 5 hours of sleep a night... and try to sleep whenever your kids have a nap... you need to recharge... YOU CAN DO IT! You are a good mother I am sure who tries her best to do what is best for her kids... reward yourself Erinn!

Christina - posted on 04/20/2009

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Hang in there, i've so been there done that. I have an eighteen year old, ten year old twins, and a one and a half year old. My third pregnancy wasn't planned and quite a surprise. After twins I thought it would be a piece of cake but he was born with colic and cried allllllllll the time. My husband works all the time so he was no help. I swear with the lack of sleep and the frustration of not being able to calm my baby, I wanted to pack my bags and run for the hills. I look back at that time and remember it as misery, but with the passing of time(and the colic) I can say it does get better. They grow up a little more every day and slowly but surely you'll find yourself again. I know its hard to stay positive but it really does get better. When you finally get sleep (which you will I swear) you'll feel like a new woman. It's hard to have patience with no sleep.Just take it one day at a time........before you know it this will be a distant memory.

Sabrina - posted on 04/20/2009

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so i see u post some thing also about ur daughter being a handful lol..well hun it only gets better lol keep ur chin un got up..iam haven a hell of a time with my daughter have been 4 the last 2 years...so i went n saw some 1 about it..got in2 a mother daughter thing..got her in2 after school things n trying 2 spend more mother daughter time with her..i also got in2 a class 4 effective ways 2 put ur foot down n get a good out come.cuz she out grew the ways we do things lol..it is very hard i know i started thinking i was a bad mother or i was doing every thing all wrong..n i kept thinking y can every1 esle control the out breaks lol n handle their kids but i could not..i was very hard on myself..i had a break down i thought i was the worse but iam not n i know that now..it is always the parents some kids just go through it..4 me when i went through the break up i new it was all on me now 2 pull this family 2gether..and thats when i really started getting help with her n iam happy 2 say it isnt me lol n she can get better n she has in little ways but they said its a work in progress we only started last month...talk 2 her doc thats where i started..i feel 4 u cuz u r going through alot of what i did and still am but it gets better in time..u hang in there hun ur doing great

[deleted account]

Quoting Erinn:

I could really use some encouragement!!

I just need to vent a bit! I'm a 30 year old mom of 2.... my son is 3 and my daughter is 5 months, which is exhausting!! My husband is also unemployed and I have NOT been sleeping.... i'm at the end of my rope and really need people to talk to! I'm exhausted physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually!! I sooooo need some words of encouragement right now.... I don't even know who I am anymore or what I enjoy doing!! Please help me!!



"I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHO I AM ANYMORE"  I know how you feel.  I am a mother of 4 boys: 7, 5, 4, 10mos.  For a long time all i listened to on the radio was Barney. And Blues Clues was always on my television...lol.  All my conversations were about my babies.......uuugghhhh!  YOU ARE NOT ALONE.  you do need some time to just relax....can't get that time....make some, even if it's while your sweeping......TURN UP THAT SONG THAT YOU LOVE AND DANCE ALONG or TAKE AN EXTRA 30 MINUTES WHILE BATHING! 



Moms all need encouragement from time to time. We, often won't see the results of our hard work until our children are grown. We need to be reminded that what we are doing today will reach far into the future!!!



 

Sabrina - posted on 04/20/2009

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awww hun its ok u just hold on it will get better in time i cant say the crazy feeling go away but they get better...iam a mother of a 2 year old boy n an 8 year old girl..iam a stay home mother due 2 side effects from my sons birth he was 11 pounds 2 oz 22 inches..i just became a single mother 6 months ago n my truck just broke down..so sweetie i so understand how u feel..i some times just break down crying cuz idk where 2 turn or who really cared..cuz if some1 isnt going through it or ever has they dont understand...but u r doing a great job just the fact that u r looking 2 talk n u know something doesnt feel right is already better then most ppl thy just try 2 hide it till its 2 late...ur kids r beautiful u r very lucky..n i know it doesnt feel like its getting any better but it will n at least u still have ur family 2 gether n that really helps..all i can say is ur doing a great job keep it up.kids look happy n very loved..i know the job thing can be hard cuz i worked up till my son was born n my hubby was unemployed it was hard..u feel like u have 2do everything n be strong 4 every 1.u feel like it never ends but it does n u dont always have 2 be strong n need 2 let go once in a while n breath take a break..its ok just cuz ur mommy doesnt mean ur not human hun..its always good 2 vent even cry let it out.so if u ever need 2 vent iam here if u just want some1 2 talk 2 iam still here..i hope in some small way i was able 2 help u..take care n keep ur head up..

Jennie - posted on 04/20/2009

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Hello Erinn, you really need to try and give yourself a break. You seem to have 2 beautiful children who love you unconditionally regardless of how crap you feel. I have recently been seeing my doctor with pnd and sounds like you could be experiencing the same thing. The best advice i can give it that you take each day as it comes and look for a positive from your day before you go to bed. No matter how bad it seems always think that tomorrow will be better. You are doing a great job and i am sure that things will work out with your husbands work situation.

Keep well.

Torrey - posted on 04/20/2009

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Hi Erinn,

I don't know if you are a woman of faith (I am going off that you feel spiritually exhausted part) but let me tell you that if you are to remember that God is in control. I know that is really hard right now but remember everything has eternal significance. Hebrews 12:7-11 says "Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as sons (or daughters). For what son is not disciplined by his father?... Our fathers disciplined us for a little while as they thought best; but God disciplines us for our good, that we may share in holiness. No discipline seem pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it." I often look to God in my suffering to rescue me from it but instead I should be looking for God in it. He is a God who is faithful, but remember the answer may not be what you expect. But expect God to faithful to the promises He puts forth in His word! I hope that helps... let me know if you if you need to just vent.

Alisa - posted on 04/20/2009

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I empathize with you. I understand the feeling of not knowing who you are anymore and feeling exhausted on all levels. All I can say is that it will get better. Talk to your husband about how you are feeling and the two of you can come up with a schedule so that he can take the children for a few hours so that u can rest. I can only imagine the amount of pressure you are under with your husband's unemployment. Really an truly let God take the wheel on this one. Talk to God and pour your heart out and trust me the peace that will envelope you will calm your fears because he has it all under control. It may look dark now but God's light shines brighter in total darkness.

Sherry - posted on 04/20/2009

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How long have you been feeling like this? If it is more than a few weeks you do need to go in and have a talk with your OB. Post Partum depression does not always come right after the delivery. Sometimes it takes a few weeks or months. Sounds like you have a lot on your plate right now, and you do need to see someone who has the ability to hear you and help. Sometimes we feel weak when we think about seeing a Dr about something like this, but it actually takes someone who is strong and decerning because you are already seeing that something is not right. Take the plunge, your whole family will profit with you being happier and in better spirits ( not to mention sleeping:)

Nicole - posted on 04/20/2009

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Hi Erin,

You are definitely in a tough position, do you know anyone nearby that you could turn to? I remember having my second, and her screaming non stop in the beginning, with colic, and it really helped to be able to just see another human being for half an hour.

The other thing that used to help, was just to be able to put the baby down when she had been crying, to make sure she is in a safe place, and just go and sit outside in your yard for a few minutes to recover. You know she is safe, you know there is nothing you could do to soothe her at that point, but you can soothe yourself, and that will help her.

The other thing, is try and get out - if you have a local park, go there. You will meet lots of other moms, your kids will be occupied, and you can just offload. The worst thing is to stay cooped up in your home when you are feeling low, so make a point of getting out no matter how much of an effort it seems.

I hope that helps, and if you would like to write back, that would be great.

Nicole

Tonya - posted on 04/20/2009

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I know how you feel. My kids are a little older, but the stress is still there. My husband lost his job 2 years ago and had to take a job making almost 1/2 his salary. At the time it was ok because I went to full time after only working part time for 10 years. But in October 2008, I lost my job. I have not been able to find a job since and I am getting very depressed. We cannot afford for me to also take a lesser paying job. Right now I am on unemployment, but that does not last forever. I m trying to be patient and trust in God to lead me where I need to go, but sometimes it feels like he is not leading me anywhere. I too have trouble sleeping. I feel like I am alone so much of the time and life is passing me by. Please try to hang in there and know that there are other people going through the same thing. You can "talk" to me anytime if you want. I will even give you my personal email if you want it.

Laura - posted on 04/19/2009

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Hi there. I am in MI and I am a mother of a 2 year old and a 5 mth old. Please hang in there!!! They won't be at this age forever and they really depend on you right now. Is there a parenting group in your area that you can connect with other moms? Or what about moms and more? They is usually a chapter in most areas and states. My advise is just keep your heart in it and remember what you do reflects on your children. If you feel you might need something to help you - like you are feeling depressed (this is normal and I went through it with both kids - the 2nd one was actually worse) maybe talk to your OB dr if you can...just know you are not alone.

Audrey - posted on 04/19/2009

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I understand your need to vent, let it out girl.I'm sorry you've kinda hit a rough patch and i hope things start looking up for you.From your pic your children are adorable.If you don't mind, my advice would be take an hour or so and do some writting, let it all out it dosen't have to make sense or anything, or get out go for a walk and just get back to you,get back to basics. Good luck, i wish you well.

Ursula - posted on 04/19/2009

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Hi Erinn! It is the biggest challenge of being a mother, finding time for yourself. I struggle with it everyday, feeling like I have lost myself, not knowing who I am anymore. The advice about depression, finding a moms group, just reaching out is right on, I hope you explore these options. I want to suggest just trying to make your life more simple. I also struggle with sleep, having 4 children that are up and down all night. Some nights, we just all sleep together in our bed, dad kicked out to the couch! : ) With you and the little ones together in bed, you will not need to get up and out of bed all night, it helps so much. And if it becomes a habit now while times are tough, that's okay, you need your sleep. Make meals simple, cheese, crackers, fruit can be an easy and nutritious meal. Kids don't need a big meal, many small simple meals work fine--yogurt/fruit/toast another good meal, scrambled eggs with ham, fruit, another idea. Don't create so much stress trying to be the worlds best mom. Make your life simpler and make time for yourself that is my advice. Hang in there, just asking for help shows how brave you are and what a wonderful mother you are. : )

Michelle - posted on 04/19/2009

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Yes we all feel this way sometimes. About six months ago I ended up having a nervous breakdown, not total meltdown sort of thing. But things weren't too wonderful for a few days. We as women try to take on too many things at the same time. We overload ourselves and put ourselves under way too much pressure. And then we don't look after ourselves, we get exhausted and feel so blah and terrible. I have three daughters. My oldest is 10 and my two youngest are 2 year old twins. Are you able to get some me time? Since your hubby isn't working get him to look after the kids while you go and zone out for two or three hours. Even if it is to walk around the shops, or go to the park and stare into space. It is also good to have some time with your family and friends, to extend your social network. Cause how many times as mothers do we stay at home for a week and not socialise with another soul (apart from our immediate family of course)? Isn't it great to catch up with a friend and have a good laugh together? I know that it makes me feel a lot better. Or can you joined a mother's group or a playgroup where both you and your children can make new friends? They are always fun and interesting. I also find journalling helpful, so each day I write down what has happened and how I feel. I can then understand why and how I think and feel the way I do, then try to find a way to change direction. Good luck, I hope that you are feeling better soon.

Joellen - posted on 04/19/2009

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I can relate to what you are saying. I was getting so overwhelmed with taking care of everything that i just took a step back and started taking care of myself for a while and getting my significant other to start sharing the load I was carrying. I called a few of my close family and friends and talked to them and I started doing things that relaxed me such as getting a manicure, and pedicure, my eyebrows waxed, and my hair done every two weeks. I also started going out more with my friends. Don't worry everything will work out in the end. It always does. You just have to trust that it will. Try to look at the good in the situation you're in. You have beautiful children and a husband who probably loves you unconditionally. When there are nights that I can't sleep, I pray to God about what's going on in my life and it helps. I'm not a religious person or anything but I do believe that talking to God helps me through my rough times.

Stephanie - posted on 04/19/2009

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Hang in there also a mom of 2. Daughter 5 and son 4. Life is very exhausting. Look up and ask for help family, friends, neighbors to unload some of the work. Trust me they want to help!

Casey - posted on 04/19/2009

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I totally agree with Cyndi Ting. About 5 months ago I was laid off from my full time job and I had only been working there a year. I was laid off from the job before that while I was on maternity leave with my second daughter. I felt lost. I couldn't believe it was happening again in such a short time frame. I gave myself 4 hours to pout, cry, scream and act out. And after that I calmed myself and prayed. I knew he was the answer. He calmed me and I have made that a regular practice. Whenever I start feeling overwhelmed by life, and all the things that go along with it, I pray. He may not answer you with his voice, but if you listen he always answers.... Good Luck, just know there are so many of us mother's out there feeling the same feelings.

Brandie - posted on 04/19/2009

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You sound like you have your hands full and you need a break. I amsure things will get better for you in the near future. Be optimistic and only focus on the good in life because that is the only thing worth living for and the good in your life sound to be your family, mainly your children. Live for happy times with them and evryhing will come together before you know it.

Kristen - posted on 04/19/2009

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Though I am not in your shoes, nor have as much on my plate as you, I know the feeling! My husband and I just made the move from Juneau Alaska to Outer Banks North Carolina. I went from working full time, to being a stay at home Mom. I haven't made any friends yet, and I live in a neighborhood full of elderly people. I am trying to figure out who I am. My husband is at work all day, and I am now re learning my role as Mama. I have found that there is no better comfort than to talk to other Mothers, no matter where they are at in their lives. There is nothing wrong with wanting to throw your hands in the air! Do something for you. Money I'm sure is tight, and I can relate now that we are a 1 income family. Do what you can with what you have. Do your toes, take a long bath, pamper yourself if only for an hour and a half. I find that I feel so much better when I take that short amount of time and make myself feel human again. Some days the shower doesn't happen, or I realize I have been running on coffee all day. It's no selfish, it's healthy! Talk to your husband, clue him in on your frustrations. Doing it all, and reaching your breaking point is not weak, it's life. You owe it to yourself to be happy!

Lori - posted on 04/19/2009

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Ok, Walk outside and scream! Let it out ! Come back in and you and your husband need to sit and talk things through. And maybe talk to your family and friends for a little help. Things do get better, they always do. But no one can see that when they are at this point. If he is at home now he should help you out more. Talking to someone can help in alot of ways.

Gretchen - posted on 04/19/2009

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Quoting Tura:

I would recommend finding a therapist!!! There is something going on and needs to be addressed!
That is the best help you can get now



Yes exactly

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