I do not want to be cinderella anymore

Hazel - posted on 09/22/2016 ( 4 moms have responded )

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Okay ladies I really don’t know what else to do.
My stepson is 15, he and I don’t always see eye to eye.. (well we never do) but I been in his life since he was 7 years old. I have taught him how to clean, iron, cook minimal stuff etc etc.. His BIO mom has always been a very negative influence. She has told him that what I am showing him is wrong. That as a mom that it is “my job to clean” and since he is still in school “he should not clean, iron, wash etc etc” My husband and I have talked to him and told him that we are teaching him how to be a man. He leaves every other week with his Bio Mom.
My stepson doesn’t have many chores.. He is responsible of his room to be clean, and the bathroom by his room. Take out the trash. Very simple stuff that a 6 year old can do. But even that stuff its like pulling teeth. I have added chores when he refuses to do his chores. I have yelled, grounded, taken his electronics everything and it does not work. I have left the bathroom trash can over flow until he takes it out. But its usually after I yell for him to take it out.
I even went to the point of cleaning his bathroom and left it spotless and told him all he need to do is maintain it. Every day that bathroom is a mess.
That bathroom is the main bathroom, so when we have company over that is the bathroom everyone uses it. When he leaves I say im going to leave it dirty until he comes back but like I said its the main bathroom so I clean it when we get company because they do not need to come to my house and use a dirty bathroom.
I am at the end of my rope with him and his chores. Please help

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Michelle - posted on 09/22/2016

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Why isn't his Father trying to enforce the rules? That's his job. He needs to be more involved with it and not leave it all up to you.
I agree that boys need to learn basic things like laundry, dishes and cooking. My boys do their own laundry and have for a few years now. They don't have to do it at their Father's place though since he has his young GF to do it all.
Like Dove said, he knows you will eventually do it anyway. Dad needs to sit down with his son and have a good talk about household responsibilities and how everyone has to pull their weight.

Dove - posted on 09/22/2016

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If you are just going to clean the bathroom anyway perhaps making it his job isn't very practical since he's not there every other week (so all he has to do is hold out for a week and he knows you'll end up cleaning it). Instead make taking care of all of his things his responsibility while he is under his father's roof... his laundry, his meals, the dishes to cook his meals, etc... If he's not willing to do his one chore of cleaning the bathroom... you don't have to do ANYTHING for him (including providing transportation to any place other than school). He's old enough to do it all... or he can wear dirty clothes and go hungry and do nothing w/ his time other than school and reading.

That's one approach anyway.

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April - posted on 09/27/2016

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Hi! I can totally relate to the issues with teens. My oldest has thrown me for a loop with all his teenage moodiness and defiance. He was always my responsible and level headed kid. It is like someone has abducted my son. Haha! Boundaries with Teens (http://bit.ly/2cI1w7n) has helped me realize some healthy boundaries with my son. I have got 5 more kids that I am raising, so I want to get this right. Maybe it will help you too.

Hazel - posted on 09/22/2016

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Thank you dove.. I appreciate it. I thinks its time for tough love and have him appreciate what he has at home.

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