I don't feel like I get to have a voice for my 1 year old daughter

Kesh - posted on 10/16/2013 ( 2 moms have responded )

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Hello moms! I have a 20 month old and every since she was 4 months old, I have worked 2nd shift (2p-10:30p) and don't home until nearly 11:30pm each night and our daughter is already sleep. So my husband has been the one with our daughter most every night (picking her up from daycare, bathtime, dinner, storytime, etc) while I'm working. Recently, when my husband has done something I didn't like (making her eat something while she screams or just being too hard on her) he makes comments to me like "Don't tell me what to do, you can do sit in the car", so basically saying shut-up and go away. Maybe he feels like since I'm not around often, I dont get an opinion and can't tell him what I don't like. I've been holding this in and I'm just fed up. I dont wanna fight but I need to have a voice for our daughter. What has put me over the edge is my mom witnessed his demanding and mean tone with her last night when my husband when over her house to pick up our daughter. She was crying when she told me what happened, how he came in the door fussing at her because she didn't want to give him her paci. She said he was so mean, and our daughter was screaming and he didn't care. She had to leave the room and didn't come back. Moms, I don't know how to say what I need to say and thoroughly get my point across so he understands where I'm coming from.

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Kesh - posted on 10/16/2013

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DJ, thank you for taking the time to respond to my post. You have great suggestions I will try talk to him about coming up with a new approach together and calming my daughter down 1st. Thank you again!!!!!

DJ - posted on 10/16/2013

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I've noticed my husband is a lot "rougher" with my kids than I would be. If my 15 year old drops something and doesn't pick it up, he's obnoxious and says something like, "Are you just going to LEAVE this there?" instead of "Hey, you dropped this, can you please pick it up?" And when our 3 year old is sitting on the potty, unproductive, he is downright mean. There's definitely a difference between men and women (Mars and Venus) so he may see nothing wrong with it. I DO feel like making your daughter scream and cry is NOT right and you DO need to protect her. Rather than reprimand him, you could pick her up and take her out of the room explaining that trying to get her to do something while she's screaming is really not working, so you're going to try to calm her down and use a different approach. Also, I've noticed that talking to my husband when we're all frustrated is really counter-productive, because we're both on edge. Maybe you could talk to him about it when things are calm and come up with an approach together? I wish you all the luck in the world! Being a mom (and a wife) is HARD!

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