Megan - posted on 10/03/2016 ( 7 moms have responded )
This is going to be long but I need advice. 9 years ago I became pregnant. I had been having unprotected sex with my bed buddy (now hubby) regularly throughout the entire month of November. On November 30th I had a one night stand. We first did it with a condom (he did not ejaculate) this lasted maybe 10-20 minutes. We then stopped and started again, without a condom. He again did not ejaculate at all, lasted maybe 5-10 minutes. I then had unprotected sex with my bed buddy (who always used pull out) December 2nd. I was due to start my period December 3rd (which were very regular). I waited until my period was a week late then went to the doctor. Blood test was a low positive. I had a ultrasound at 6 weeks that dated my conception date at December 3rd, the day I was supposed to start my period and right in the "danger zone". I went my entire pregnancy thinking I had conceived in mid November as I didn't realize they add 2 weeks to your due date. By this point I had already informed bed buddy that baby was his and he was involved. I was scared and didn't say anything. I did inform 1 night stand of the circumstances who of course denied any involvement. Well here we are, my son is 8 years old and this has been eating me alive for 9 years. We are still together and have another child together.
The main issue is that my son does not look like my husband. Our daughter has several of his features, but our son does not. It does not make sense that I would have gotten pregnant by 1 night stand. I know the early ultrasounds are really accurate, but it doesn't line up with my period at all. I also know the only way 1 night stand would have had sperm in his precum was if he had ejaculated and not peed afterwards, which of course I do not know. Even then the precum with sperm should have went into the condom since we used that first and the longest? I also know that even if he did have sperm in his precum and it got inside me, there is a very low chance of pregnancy. BUT the possibility is there based on all the circumstances.
One night stand certainly isn't contacting me trying to find out if my son is his, or be involved. And my attempts at finding him on any form of internet source (to compare pictures) have came up empty. Last I knew he joined the military, and moved across the country. I have no way of contacting him.
I don't know what to do. I have high anxiety and I'm a paranoid person and I have been obsessing over this for years.
My options are to tell hubby, which will devastate him, and if we decided to tell our kids will also devastate them.
I could do a "secret" dna test and find out on my own if he is the father or not. If he is the father the weight of the world will come off of my shoulders and I can move on with my life in peace. If he is not the father I will be devastated and I don't know if I'll ever be able to live with this huge lie.
I will do anything to protect my kids including living in guilt and agony daily, which is why I feel I need to keep my mouth shut and continue to give them the peaceful, happy life they currently have.
But I also desperately want to know what happened 9 yrs ago and who my son's father is. If I thought my husband was my son's father I would do the test and move on, but because he doesn't look like my hubby I'm too scared to do it.
I know I made a mistake in all this. I was 18, and exploring sex for the first time. It was the only 1 night stand I have ever had and I've never slept with anyone since except my hubby who was only my bed buddy at the time. I know I made a mistake and I have to live with the consequences of that now, and forever.
But what would you do? Would you do the secret test or not? I want to but I'm too scared