I don't think I'll see the day my son grows up

Helene - posted on 12/23/2016 ( 16 moms have responded )

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he had a job at 18 but quit within the year hasn't worked or signed up for school but is using all excuses like "I want to be a computer tech", just so he can stay glued to youtube and his ps4 or other gaming. He never contributes, any help I ask for I hear him huffing and puffing like it's a huge deal. I just bought him a 3DS and now he wants a game and is acting like a child; if he doesn't get the game he wants he's going to shut down. Pretended to swallow advils he's allergic too as a protest. He never wanted to do anything when my spouse was alive, which irritated him. He caused arguments between us as did his lazy kids, who always asked him for money for the purpose of partying. Our kids are killing us. My spouse died last year after working himself to death to pay for his faggot son's car. I don't see any happiness in my future. I'm just breathing to work and pay bills. I'm so sick of my life with my son I pray for death.

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Jodi - posted on 12/24/2016

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Ok, so Helene, you didn't write your post particularly well. We didn't KNOW you were in a blended family, so when you talked about calling his son a faggot, we weren't to know it wasn't your son you were referring to. But that doesn't change the fact that you are calling his kid a faggot. I mean, really. Not ok.

Secondly, how old are we? Well, I have adult children. They have jobs. They pay their own way. They don't spend all day on Youtube and the PS4. My children are active contributors to society. My adult children have never been on unemployment benefits. I am not so sick of my life with my children I pray for death. It is sad that you do. What is truly sad is that women here are giving you very constructive (albeit harsh) advice to help you with that, but because you can't see how you are enabling your child, you can't accept this. It is NOT normal that you feel the way you do because of your children. If your child is an adult, and you are allowing this child to treat you this way, then yes, you are enabling. If you can't see that, please get psychological help. I am not saying that to be a "bitch". I am saying that because you are hurting, and I can see you need support.

You could do with taking a step back and considering some of the advice given to you, not as criticism (because it wasn't), but as actual constructive advice on how to parent an adult child from people who HAVE adult children and have been there.

Ev - posted on 12/25/2016

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Helene--
I have read both of your posts and those of the ones that hav eanswered them. I was one such of the latter. I think you take it too much to heart when you call out others and tell them they are the reasons why this world has such a wave of crime and so forth. The reason is the same as it has always has been. People make the choice to be criminals or worse. The other ladies have the right of it. Maybe you do not like the advice you got but you got it as it were.

Jodi - posted on 12/23/2016

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Did you REALLY just use the term "faggot" to describe your son? Wow....just wow.

With regard to your other issues, why are you enabling him? Sorry, but time for him to step up or move out. Period. You BOUGHT him a 3DS? Enable much? Honestly, stop arguing with him. You can't have an argument if you aren't arguing back. Just tell him the way it is, draw up a contract of terms and conditions for him living under your roof, including rental payments, and then evict him if he can't comply.

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♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 12/25/2016

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I'm not wasting time on this. Fully agree with Jodi, Michelle, dove, and ev.

My kids are productive adults, who are well adjusted, contributing citizens

Furthermore, I am 27 years into my ONLY marriage, which is a wonderful one.

Kellykeays69 - posted on 12/25/2016

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If you know that your son is making excuses, lying, or throwing a fit just to get his way then he obviously knows it will work on you and is taking advantage. Don't let him. And if you do write up a contract then you HAVE to stick to it and not give in if and when the day comes that you have to put your foot down and kick him out. It's not fun and he will "hate you" for a while but sometimes tough love is the only option in a situation like this. He will respect you in the lon run. Btw, whether you agree with your late husband's sons sexual preference or not, as a mother and adult in this day and age it is not okay to use a derogatory term such as faggot to describe him. As for your son, if you don't so something and do it immediately, you will end up with a 30 year old "child" living in your basement taking every extra penny you have.

Helene - posted on 12/23/2016

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oh fuck it's christmas I should NOT have bought him anything. I should kick him out, let him be homeless for christmas. Ya ya, great advice ladies. I'm guessing you're all single too. You all kicked your husbands out right? Live life much? or stuck to your addiction of criticizing others on blogs like this? Great parenting...kick him out. Take the easy way out much? Inhumane. Some people kick their kids out in winter and start imposing their views on others. And when your husbands argue with you they probably get kicked out like dogs too. That is so messed.

Helene - posted on 12/23/2016

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gee good advice...kick your son out, and the other one says you need help, and one says you're the problem you bitches need help. You won't find it on this site. You're just finding other moms just as fucked up as yourselves.

Helene - posted on 12/23/2016

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good grief so do you big time. This should be called circle of moms with too much time on their hands or moms who like to vent by attacking other moms. You know nothing about me and maybe you know nothing. You came here to learn from others? Maybe do a little listening before speaking.

Helene - posted on 12/23/2016

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Wow so much advice after a few lines of my experiences. The fact you agree with other "ladies" as you call them, doesn't mean you or they are right, it simply means you are a follower. People with great problems look for others to judge to make themselves feel better about their messed up lives i guess. This site is obviously no help. Just a board for gossipers.

Helene - posted on 12/23/2016

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uh no you didn't read that right. My spouse's son. I'm guessing you all need help or you wouldn't be on here and calling me down. Good luck with your problems. Karma is great.

Michelle - posted on 12/23/2016

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I agree with the other ladies, you have a lot more problems than your son.
Your partner didn't die because of his children, it was his own choice to work so hard because he had created unrealistic expectations in his children and he didn't want to admit he couldn't provide everything.
This is something that you have both created so don't blame your son. Stop enabling him and get tough. If he won't pull his weight then he has to leave. It's pretty simple but I get the feeling that you won't accept that you are the problem. It sounds like you would prefer to blame others for the choices you have made.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 12/23/2016

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Wow. You cmplain about your son, yet it seems that he has gotten this far by getting what he wants, and you are continuing to enable him.

And really? Faggot? Good grief. You need help.

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