I don't think I should be a mom.

Destiny - posted on 06/30/2016 ( 10 moms have responded )

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I would first like to state that i have the most beautiful baby boy. He is wonderful in every way. I look at him and i know he is bright and will have a great future. But deep down i feel like i will get in the way of that.
I fight everyday to stay by my sons side. But everything that has happened to me,
My husbands abuse and infidelity.
My sickness and surgery,
And my live one passing...
I dont feel the same love i do for my son.
I dont have the urge to hold him. I want to take care of him, i really do but i cant stand to lie to myself. Im not meant to be a mother.
I shouldnt be running around aimlessly hoping that he will come out to be the best.
I am not designed for this thankless job.
My husband runs free while i spend my days cleaning dirty diapers and sulk.
I am selfish and horrible for feeling this way.
Is there anyway to get out of this feeling?
Before i give up on my son.

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Sarah - posted on 07/01/2016

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Good advice Sofia! I had terrible PPD and I was ashamed to admit it. I had lovely house, a husband, a great career, and a healthy baby, yet I was miserable. When I was home with the baby, I'd count the minutes til nap time, and then the minutes til bedtime. It was no way to live and thankfully my mom caught on and sent me to doctor. Three weeks on Zoloft and I was a new person! Now, meds are not always the answer, but for me it helped. Yes I had a few weeks of feeling weird with the meds but I stuck with it (mostly because my hubby watched me take it) and I got better. Admitting I was stuck also helped a lot! Hang in there, you will get thru this. Bitch here, let it all out. I hated my life with my perfect, blue-eyed, beautiful son. I hated it! But that was the depression, not really me. I hope you are hanging in there and we all have your back!

Sarah - posted on 07/01/2016

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I agree you need to reach out for some help. Do you have any family to help support you. Contact your doctor and tell him how you are feeling. You do sound terribly depressed and you don't need to suffer, there is help for you.

Angiecann - posted on 07/01/2016

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It is a common feeling. Please talk with a counselor and get some advice on what to do next. Your son deserves the best. And you can overcome and be the best for him. I wI'll be praying for you and your son. God gave you this beautiful blessing and He loves you and will not abandon you. He can mend your broken spirit and make all things new. He did for me and can for you too.

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Sofia - posted on 07/04/2016

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How was your doc appointment today. I've been concerned for you. Please know we want you to be happy!

Sofia - posted on 07/01/2016

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BTW: don't run around. Do the bare minimum...hold, feed change your son. He doesn't need a bath everynight...eat frozen food or fruit and veg, even canned stuff. For now! You need to minimize your time doing stuff and start resting. Don't clean house and laundy----just do bare minimum for now. Try to take a mutli vitamin and get Vitamin D. This will really help your mood.

Sofia - posted on 07/01/2016

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That's good! Go to the doctor--you are definitely dealing with postpartum depression/anxiety. I'm on medication and it really helps. And you know what? You don't need to tell anyone if you don't want to. It's so sad people forget about the mother and seem to think having a baby should keep you happy. I suffered so much but the only thing that worked was putting me first. Happy and beautiful Mommy makes for happy home! Only talk to those who have sympathy ---no one else. Hearing things like : 'be strong for your baby or: you're so lucky to have a baby, why are you complaining?'! Only makes matters worse- trivializes your feeling and makes you confused! I hope you can find a post partum group to join for next week too. Please keep us updated and as for the father? Just put your energy into you and hold baby tight! You are wonderful!
PS: Crisis Line and Suicide Hotlines always have. A wealth of contacts and resources

Destiny - posted on 07/01/2016

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Im doing okay today, i decided to listen to new music and have a doctors appointment on monday. Its nice to know that someone can relate. Or wont criticize me for how im feeling. Its hard trying to be the prefect mom that everyone thibks i should be

Sofia - posted on 07/01/2016

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Yes! There is a way, You have post-partum depression and you must see a doctor asap. In the morning. You can go on antidepressant Zoloft which is ok if you breastfeed. You can join a PP group or even have a nurse or volunteer come visit. Could you make a phone call to your local LaLeche Leauge? They can connect you with help

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