Mary - posted on 09/08/2012 ( 4 moms have responded )
I'm not sure where to turn at this point so I just googled something and found this site. I just really need to get this off my chest and I have not discussed this with anyone and could really use some advice or encouraging words. I have been married for a little over a year now. Prior to that I was a single mom. I have two girls, 11 and 6. My husband was actually my high school sweet heart. We were engaged right out of high school but I broke it off because I wasn't ready to be married so young. We went our separate ways, he went off to the navy and I went to school. Long story short he has waited 12 years for me. I have known him more than half of my life. We reconnected in 2009. He then got stationed in California and I was still living on the east coast. We got married last June after he came home from deployment and I then moved me and my kids across the country. Thinking this would be the most blissful marriage as he has been in love with me for years and I finally loved him the same it has been far from that.
He is very stern with my kids and most of the time he acts like they are such a bother. I have two GREAT kids, I'm not saying that because I am their mom but they really are good kids. My oldest does excellent academically and loves sports. She has a little pre-teen attitude but nothing out of the ordinary. My youngest is the sweetest, most affectionate thing. He rides their butts all the time like they are soldiers in his boot camp. Like they can't do anything right. He loves them but it's like he has no idea how to show them love. He would do anything for them, and for me, but he is just so negative and harsh.
As far as our relationship goes, I feel like now that he has gotten me, he has just given up. Like he doesn't really love me anymore. He hardly ever wants to have sex, we have sex maybe 4-5 times a month...and we are NEWLY WEDS! I feel so unattractive. There is no affection or romance. Before we got married he would send me flowers and send me the sweetest emails. He would put effort into me. Now, there is no effort. No flowers. No spontaneity. No romance. And there would be no date nights if it weren't for me finding a sitter and a taking him out. He never does anything with me and the kids. Every weekend me and the kids go to the beach, the mall, the movies, or church and he never goes with us. He never has any desire or interest to be with us. He would rather sit home by himself. Last weekend I asked him to go to the movies with us and you would have thought I was making him go to the dentist to get his teeth pulled. He went anyway.
He does make me laugh and we do have fun together, as if we are good friends. Otherwise, It's like I am living with a roommate that I occasionally have sex with. I don't know what to do. On top of all this, I work full time as a registered nurse, do everything for the kids, and am back in school full time trying to complete my Bachelors of Science in nursing. It's like he doesn't even notice me at all. I cry and am sad more than I laugh. I know it's too soon to throw in the towel on my marriage so I need help. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.