I don't think my teenage daughter likes or respects me :(

Rebba - posted on 03/14/2014 ( 3 moms have responded )

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I have an almost 17 year old daughter. She has the biggest heart in the world and is very kind and respectful.... with everyone but ME. My heart is so broken and I don't think she has any clue as to how much she hurts me. And if she does, she just doesn't care.



I guess I just don't know what I'm doing wrong. She doesn't have one friend (male or female) who doesn't love me and enjoy being around me. But I always seem to annoy and frustrate her. I end up giving in to her on things just so she will "like" me.



Today, for example, she was getting ready to go to her Dads for the weekend and we were in her room getting her bag ready. She stepped backward and accidentally stepped on her dogs foot. She was wearing boots and he yelped. I had a normal reaction of concern for him and said "Oh Gosh" and she turned to me and in my face said "STOP". It was the most disrespectful thing. She does things like this all the time. I feel like she is chastising me or correcting me. I looked at her and said, "I hate when you talk to me like that." I left, went into my room and cried. I could hear her in her room laughing and playing as if nothing happened. That hurt even more!



I really need some help. She shows such respect and love for everyone else. I feel myself wanting to pull away from her. I have a son who is 23 and I became a disconnected parent with him when he turned 11. I was in a very bad relationship (with my daughters dad) and it was in his best interest to have him in my home less. I felt so guilty about that and so I believe I may have parented my daughter out of guilt. It just hurts that the only time she approaches me with kindness is when she wants something. It's gotten so bad that when she comes to me like that I automatically ask "what do you want". I believe instead of spelling mom M< O< M she spells it ATM.



I hope someone out there can give me some advice. I'm open to whatever you can suggest. I'm desperate and I feel like I am grasping at straws.



Thanks.

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Judith - posted on 03/14/2014

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Rebba, I had one just like that. Believe me I understand. Nip it in the bud or it will get worse. You don't deserve to be treated badly. Start doing nice things for yourself. Treat yourself the way you want her to treat you and don't put all your focus or energy on her. Wipe your tears dear. Go to a fun movie with a friend. Start enjoying your life. And definitely don't give her attention for bad behavior. That gives her power. Giving you a pat on the back. Moms deserve better. After all they wouldn't exist without us, right? Yea us! :)

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Rebba - posted on 03/14/2014

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Thank you Judith Kelley. I watch Dr. Phil all the time and I hear what he is saying, and I even agree. I guess I just needed to hear it from another MOM. Thank you for responding. I'm sitting here now in tears. I don't want to dread her leaving and then dread her coming home. It's so hard to explain. Again, thanks so much.

Judith - posted on 03/14/2014

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I certainly don't have all of the answers, but one thing is for sure, we teach people how to treat us as Dr. Phil has said many times. You shouldn't parent out of guilt and remember, it's your ATM card not hers. Don't give her anything until she gives you respect. Big hugs and best wishes.

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