I don't understand how a judge can award residential custody to the father when there is a restraining order in place and he has a history of domestic violence. Please help!?

Zee - posted on 03/28/2014 ( 9 moms have responded )

6

0

0

I have always been in my son's life but the judge saw fit to give him residential custody. 2 years I filed a restraining order against him in a different county but same state. We went to court recently I fought for residential custody. It's as if they forget I'm the mom and it's not like a dead beat I work I have my own place I want to care for my child. Yet I'm still given visitation. This man has a history of domestic abuse and a restraining order but why don't they take that into consideration? Should I get an attorney? Anyone know any pro Bono attorneys in south jersey or someone who might want to pick up this case? I feel like I have a good chance but maybe I need an attorney to express it better. Thanks

9 Comments

View replies by

Jodi - posted on 03/28/2014

3,533

36

3906

Thanks Zee. I was just asking because if he is school age one parent has to have residential custody if there will be difficulties getting them to school and maintaining a reasonable continuity in their schooling. But 1/2 hour isn't that far away.

Now that you've clarified that you were never served, however, I'd be checking into that. Question why you were never served.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 03/28/2014

13,214

21

2014

OH, I completely understand, Zee. At least you understand what I'm saying too ;-)

YOu should most definitely always request a review of orders if you feel something is not right. Really, you should have been served notice of the initial court date, I would think, but I only know the serving process for my area...so not sure how that works.

And, yes, you'll want to have an attorney. That will help you, because everything will be presented through a 'third party' without the emotional attachment that you have to the situation.

I do wish you the best of luck! (And thanks for seeing my example...LOL...rather than thinking I'm calling you a psycho...) ;-)

Zee - posted on 03/28/2014

6

0

0

Shawnn I'm not taking any offense. I appreciate your opinion. It's just hard accepting this I was never given a fair chance they entered the order by default. He never even gave me a heads up that there was a court date for the initial order. I want my fair chance...they need to reevaluate the order is all I'm saying

Jodi - posted on 03/28/2014

3,533

36

3906

Just out of interest, how far apart do you live, and how old is the child?

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 03/28/2014

13,214

21

2014

I understand how you are viewing the situation, but a judge is going to look at the whole picture. If the man was not violent towards the child, if the man is not putting the child at risk, if the man is not exposing the child to dangerous behaviours, then he's got every right to have as much involvement with the child as you do. You are BOTH the kid's parents.

If you feel that your ex is a danger to the child, then you need to retain an attorney, and start gathering proof. Factual evidence. A restraining order that you have against your ex will not be proof that he's a danger to the child.

You have to remember that the child is not solely yours. You did not immaculately create that human being. In your ex's point of view, he may be saying "Who's to say that her psychotic behaviour will not affect the boy?" And he'd be told the same thing. If the behaviour was not exhibited towards the child, there is no reason to not allow shared custody.

NOTE: I DID NOT SAY YOU ARE PSYCHOTIC... I made an example.

Zee - posted on 03/28/2014

6

0

0

I never withheld visitation. I still allowed my son to see his father. But an adult male who shows violent tendencies towards an adult who is to say there is no direct connection to a child. Who is to say he won't exhibit that type of behavior to my child. It worries me! How can they not see that. He can't act in a mature manner with me yet he can towards a child? It doesn't make sense. I think his behavior has everything to do with a child and his well being. I don't want my son growing up like him

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 03/28/2014

13,214

21

2014

Well, that's a good question.

Generally, when a person exhibits violent tendencies, and there is a restraining order, the order is for the adult, not the child. Did you, at that time, withhold his visitation with the child? If so, that may be part of the reason.

Have you, at any time in your custody battle refused to allow him to see his son? Have you set multiple 'terms and conditions' that he had to meet prior to visits with his son? If so, that may be part of the reason.

Did you demand child support payment before he would be 'allowed' to see his son? If so, that may be part of the reason.

Jodi - posted on 03/28/2014

3,533

36

3906

His violence is toward you, not the child.

Did you at any point withhold visitation to him?

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms