I don't want my childs father apart of his life

[deleted account] ( 4 moms have responded )

Hello everyone.
My son's father (do not even want to call him that because he is not my sons father by moral and value) is one those people who classify themselves as a gangster, money lover type people. His environment is all wrong. It is just a party, drug filled life with no moral, no values. I do not want him to be a part of my childs life. I do not want my child being influenced by his lifestyle, to be apart of his environment or be exposed to that lifestyle. Right now he has visitation every Saturday because the family advocate said this needs to happen. It is not a final court order, so therefore I do not have to allow this. I need to know whether there is a way to have him not be apart of my childs life. The family courts etc. are supposed to do what is best for a childs life and having a child be exposed even slightly to such an environment that is unhealthy, and aswell as to society, is not what is best for a child!! It is not what is best for MY child. What I am to do??? I was in his environment for 2 years, I know what that lifestyle is all about. I cannot give up. I just cant allow this to happen. No right minded, good moraled, decent mother/parent would want their child to have a person who conforms to the gangster, gold and guns lifestyle in their lives. what can i do???

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4 Comments

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Michelle - posted on 03/24/2015

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We aren't being judgmental, we are telling you the truth as far as the courts will see it. He is the Father and has just as much right as you do to be in his child's life.
Unless you have proof that he is a danger to his child then you can't stop them from having a relationship. It's that simple.
By all means get yourself a lawyer and ask them but they will probably say the same thing.
Yes you said you were living this lifestyle with him for 2 years, so you knew what you were doing when you fell pregnant.

[deleted account]

Hi Jodi and michelle. Your comments are really judgmental, but that is fine. You do not know the whole story. I guess I should not have posted this on here before thinking it through and maybe explaining everything. I was hoping to get some help and gentle advice . Anyways this comments:

Here's the thing. He was good enough to have sex with. He was good enough to be daddy to your baby.....until things went south, and then all of a sudden he wasn't good enough any more.

Is extremely wrong and judgmental and i do not appreciate it.

He was not good enough to have sex with, he was not good enough to be my childs dad either. When my son was born, he didnt help. He did not change nappies, he did not help feed him, he was never even there. I ended up with this guy due to circumstances that were not right. anyways I'll leave my situation in God's hands because he is in control and knows whats best and knows the truth.

It may be ok for your kids to be exposed to such a lifestyle but not my child whether its his biological father, or a friend or whatever. it is not ok and it will never be ok.
If it was your chilld and your child had a friend like this, you would try keep him away!! I would love to explain the whole story to you both, coz I gave one part. Yes i probably cannot be objective but ofcourse not. Not from my experiences while I was with him. Which now contribute to me not wanting my child to go through what i went through and to be exposed to what i was exposed to. I do not see how I am wrong here when all I am doing is trying to protect my son from get badly influenced.

Jodi - posted on 03/24/2015

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If you have a family advocate advising you allow visits, and you decide not to comply....you could lose custody of your child on the basis of parental alienation. I suggest you look that up. You don't GET to be the controller of the relationship between your child and his father. You don't get to decide what is best for the child, because you can't be objective. Parental alienation is very real - if you deny visitation and he takes you to court, he can argue parental alienation.

Here's the thing. He was good enough to have sex with. He was good enough to be daddy to your baby.....until things went south, and then all of a sudden he wasn't good enough any more.

Unless the court says he isn't good enough to be father to your child by denying him visitation, then he has rights.

Michelle - posted on 03/24/2015

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You have to go to court but YOU had a child with this man so you don't get to dictate if he has a relationship with HIS child. Maybe you should have thought about that before.
It's not just your son, it takes 2 of you to conceive.
What is best for a child is to have a relationship with BOTH parents. Unless he is a danger you his son then you can't stop it. You'll just have to get a lawyer and see what they can do.

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