Momof3tweens - posted on 03/27/2015 ( 5 moms have responded )
I have 3 kids. Two sons and a daughter. I had my children very young. 16, 18 and 21. I tried to be the best mother I could under the circumstances. I never partied a lot. I worked, went to school. I made a lot of mistakes. My childhood wasn't very good. I was a kid raising kids but I tried. I loved them so much. They were my world. I had no guidance growing up, no real support from my mom nor did we have the greatest relationship. My father died when I was 16. Then in my early 20's I found out I was adopted. I have had a lot of traumatic experiences in my life and I wanted to keep my children safe from the type of neglect and abuse I suffered. I wanted to show them love because I wasn't ever really shown any. It backfired or I screwed it up.
I tried to do everything the opposite of my mom. I made a lot of mistakes, I did. I am angry that I brought them in a situation with a singe teenage mom. I can't change that. I gave them everything. I mean every last bit of me. I feel like I have been a parent all of my life. I suffer from depression (severe depression) so we have hit a lot of bumps in the road. I never beat them, or let anyone hurt them.
They were sweet as little kids but teenage years and on have been a disaster! They hate me! They really do. They are so disrespectful. They curse me out, tell me to go kill myself, wish me dead, my middle son has pushed me, my daughter has hit me (I hit her but she was being so disrespectful I didn't know what to do! I have had to call the police on my sons before because they wouldn't leave my house. My sons live with my mom now. I don't want them living there they just cause problems over there and then my family calls me to fix the issues like I can fix them. I can't. My mom would NEVER put them out. SMH! They can't live with me, it's not an option. They come over all of the time and my oldest will stay a few nights. Just the other day my middle son cursed me out because he came over to use my shower and he doesn't want to clean up after himself. My 17 yr old daughter has become a horror. She won't go to school. She told me today she will go to school if she feels like it and if she don't what am I gonna do about it! This made me furious! We had a big argument! She calls me "girl" , stupid, tells me shut up etc. I can't put every detail in this post. It is not enough time I would have to write a book.
I am tired! That's the moral of my story! I can't take it anymore! I always forgive them (because I'm supposed to right?) things will be ok for a minute until one of them doesn't get their way and they go off again! I can't do it anymore! I want her out of my house. No matter what I went through as a child I would NEVER speak to my mom the way they speak to me or treat my mom the way they treat me. It's not fair, it is like I'm not a person to them. They will say all of these bad things to me do bad things to me and come around later for me to fix one of their issues, feed them, give them money, what ever!
I love them but I am to the point now where I just don't like them very much anymore. They say I'm a horrible mom, a sorry excuse for a mom, etc. Why do I have to put up with this? What is really crazy is that I still worry about them. I love them and I want the best for them. I feel guilty if I say no to them or after we fight. They don't feel any guilt though. Accoding to them I ruined their lives! Wow! How? I don't know. I gave them love I showed them love, I gave them practically every thing they wanted. It's never enough. It's never been enough! It never will be. They are like vampires sucking the life out of me.
I want them to succeed. I want them to mature and have good lives BUT I want them to do away from me! I can't fix this. I can't make them change the way they think or feel about me. I'm so tired. I want to go away. I want to go far away from them and see if I can put the pieces of my life back together. I want to live now for me. I can't save them. I can't make them love me or appreciate anything I have done for them. When it is my turn? When can I be free. It's crazy I feel guilty when I think of moving away and leaving them and not telling anyone where I live. They are 22, almost 20 and 17. They are mean disrespectful horrible children. WHY THEN DOES IT HURT WHEN I THINK OF LEAVING THEM? WHY DO I FEEL GUILTY ABOUT HOW I FEEL? I just don't know what to do.