i dont know what to do about my 20 year old daughter anymore, my heart is broken, we used to get on really well, then she started acting strangely, aged about 14, i later found out she had had a relationship with an older man, a lot older, unknown to all of her family, she was never disturbed or anything, just a bit badly behaved, i didnt find out about this relationship till four years later, i was devastated, the police were involved, but never brought any charges against him, because of the time had passed, and the emotional trauma to my daughter. Couple of months went by and she was fine, she got a lovely boyfriend, who she seemed very happy with and they stayed together for two and a half years, then all of a sudden, she dumped this lovely guy, and we had a lot of trouble with her, she stole a considerable amount of money from her father, and went a bit off the rails, we all stood by her and even got her some psychological help, to help her deal with whatever was going on inside her head, at first she attended the sessions and seemed to be fine for a while, then the next bombshell, she had met a girl, who she had developed feelings for, and was leaving home to be with her. She left, and things were very strained for a while, because i couldnt accept this at all, but eventually, seeing she was happy, i accepted it, i have no choice, as she is nearly 21 now. I still feel, i have let her down in some way, this girl doesnt work, is lazy, and lets my daughter do everything for her, she has left our decent hardworking family to live basically with this girl and her mum, who dont work, are basically dossers, who dont have much purpose in life, i cant understand why she wants to live like that, when we still love her to pieces, have told her she has two lovely homes, one with me, and one with her dad, we will support and help her with anything we can, she just doesnt seem to care about anyone other than this girl and her family...i feel useless, and dont know what to do to bring her back to the bosom of her family, what can i do to stop her from ruining her life further.

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Angela - posted on 01/16/2013

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Relax. There's nothing you can do. You've done your job and I've sure you've done the best that any parent can do. Stop beating yourself up; it''ll get you nowhere fast. Believe me, I understand the anguish that you are going through; when you give up your life to look after your children; you nurture and love them for years, you give them everything you think they need; and
then they grow up and seem to go out of their way to deliberately hurt you. I understand your feelings of guilt and how you wonder where you went wrong. Well, you didn't do anything wrong. Your daughter has chosen her own path in life and is probably trying to assert her independence from you right now. If you try to interfere with her life she will probably just pull
further away from you. Just give her space for a while and see what happens; focus on your
one life, nurture the other more positive relationships in your life and treat yourself - you deserve it; give yourself a pat on the back instead of beating youself up.

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