I feel guilty after spanking, Advice please?

Lisa Marie - posted on 12/28/2012 ( 1 mom has responded )

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 I want to first start off my saying I'm 19 and I've been raising my younger sister for 2 years now. My mother has been incarcerated since 2009. It's been a long hard road for me and I've learned that there is no book on how to raise a child. I'm currently a college student and I work part time at my aunts boutique whom I live with. The moral of this post would be I'm seeking out advice on how to Discipline  her. Tonight while grocery shopping she decided that she wanted a pacifier she has been wined since she was 1, she's now 3. She took a horrible tantrum and it embarrassed me to death. It was so bad that the lady behind me had to help remove my items from my cart. I spank her immediately when we returned to the car and I've been consist with spanking for the rest of the night. I feel completely guilty!!! Please HELP!!! 

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Ami - posted on 12/29/2012

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I am not for or against spanking but something you need to keep in mind is what is your state of mind when you spank her. Is it out of frustration, anger, or is it a real discipline. I was spanked as a child and my parents found quickly it wasn't an effective discipline tool that worked on me. You are in a very difficult position you are sister that has been thrust into mom role and you need to stop and realize and difficult as it is for you (which by the way I truly admire you for taking this on at such a young age) this is about 100% more confusing and difficult for your sister.

It doesn't sound as if the spanking is working so I would try something else, I am not an expert by any means and with my 3 yr old I thought I was going to lose my mind. I have found that this is truly the age of testing they are testing you to see what they can and cannot get away with. This is the most difficult part; I don't have half the responsibilities you do and I had a horrible time with this but the very best thing you can do for your sister is BE CONSISTENT. I sucked at it but when I forced myself to be we broke bad habits. Like tantrums now she is so much better at using her words but wow that was the worst time for me. Bed time I almost gave in and put a TV in her room because that is all she wanted at night and screamed her lungs out. Again consistency now no problem it is straight to bed.

Like I said I do not envy your situation and God bless you for what you are doing, it is hard enough for me being a stay at home mom (old enough to be your mom) let a lone what you have done, but remember love consistently, discipline consistently, and realize you will make mistakes but that is okay.

As for alternative discipline I could raddled off a bunch that you already know, but only you know what will work best for your sister. Just stop before you spank and think am I in complete control? and if the answer is no don't raise your hand to her. I really feel that is when it becomes abuse when you are out of control. I am not judging but sometimes it isn't the child that needs the timeout as much as it is us so I use timeout put her in one room you in another and let her scream while you cry and regain control. Then there is very little if no guilt children need discipline. Try talking softly with her explain things a her level, if she is having a tantrum let her scream it out try holding and talking a couple different times when she is ready she will calm down and come to you. Screaming isn't the answer (I learned that the hard way) children respond to softness so much quicker. This is going to take time be patient with you with her and breath. and remember I am always here if you need someone to talk to.

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