I feel like a bad mother!! Please advice.

April - posted on 09/29/2016 ( 2 moms have responded )

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Backstory first, I have two babies with my partner. we have a 5 year old girl and a 2 year old boy. we durrently live in phoenix but before that i have lived in yuma all my life. my family is all there while my partners family is all here. my family is very close to my daughter. it is a beautiful thing. she is lucky. she has support systems in every single member of my family. my parents kiss the ground she walks on and my sister loves her like a second daughter. she loves them all as much as they love her. my partners family on the other hand is very self centered. they have no interest in the kids and heh helping us out is a nuisance to them. asking them to watch them while we clean our apartment is like asking them for a million bucks. we have been going through some tough times and to make it more stressful my daughter started school this year. We had noone to help us pick her up or take her to school since our schedules clash with school hours and i did not feel comfortable making her ride the bus or take after school programs considering phoenix is so dangerous and it was her first year of school! shes only 5 the thought of her going off on a bus or staying school until i can go pick her up just freaks me out!!! in the small town where my family is (3 hours away) they have a school in the neighborhood. you can watch the school from our window thats how close it is. 3 of her cousins go to that school and 1 of them is even in her classroom. she is learning to read count and write already at such a fast speed. She constantly tells me she does not want to come back!! I know she wants us to move over there but that would mean quitting our jobs and going to live with my mom till we can get on our own feeet! We were seriously consdiering it but we just got approved for a home and we feel its better if we wait atleast 1 more year before we go... My problem is, I dont know if I should bring her back and let her ride the bus and take after school programs or if I should let her finish the school year over there... I feel I am being a bad mom by letting her live with her grandma. I feel it is my job to be there when she comes home from school. I facetime with her every day and do homework with her but it is not the same.... but at the same time i feell it would be cruel of me to take her out of school right now and make her come here mid year all alone to a place she doesnt know away from her friends and cousins... am i a bad mom for letting her stay there till the year finishes? should i just bring her back cause she belongs with us here? If i were to let her stay, by next year we would move back to that town FOR SURE. I dont want to live here anymore. I want to be with my family. I just cant make such a drastic move right now. we need to leave our apartment by october 15 so we only have 2 weeks to quit our job and uproot our lives.... what do i do?!!?!? I FEEL HORRIBLE.

Could living with her grandma for a year negatively affect her feelings towards me or cause issues for her?

2 Comments

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Michelle - posted on 10/04/2016

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Uproot leave. Do what is best for your child. If that school is best n that town , move w mom , move there somewhere. Do not let her live with mom w/out you. These are special m9ments in her life. She needs u there not on a phone face timing . But right by her. U will regret if you do not make this change. I hope this doesn't come across ugly. I wish u best of luck. NOW GO BE WITH YOUR DAUGHTER ! 😙

Sarah - posted on 09/29/2016

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Yes it could. You lose your bond with her. In my opinion I would never separate my family unless there was absolutely no other way and it meant life or death. My family is my family. I don't separate my kids from that family. When I became a mom then I am a mom to my kids. I make that number one. If that means I change other things in my life then that is what I do.

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