Kayla - posted on 01/17/2014 ( 16 moms have responded )
I am experiencing extreme grief and I am not sure how to cope with this and have no one to talk to about this, friend wise. I really feel like what happened was my fault and I shouldn't have been so naïve, and should have read more into it. So almost exactly 2 years ago now when I was 17 I got pregnant, accidentally it was a one night thing with my now husband, we didn't use protection. I got pregnant and within 2 weeks of the day we had sex I knew I was pregnant. So I took a First Response test and sure enough I was pregnant. I went into the Dr and I was too early to come up on their pee test and they said I wasn't pregnant. I insisted that I get a blood test, the blood tests came back positive. Shortly after I got an ultrasound and the Doctor told me that it was an empty sac. She told me she knew what an empty sac was she had seen lots before and that I could either insert a pill or wait to miscarry. Being that I was only 17, wanted to get it over with and get back to regular life as I was very upset about it I said the pill. I took the 4 pills that weekend and I miscarried. After that I researched what had happened to me, I read so many posts about women saying that was too early to even see anything. So after that I had this horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach that she made a mistake and I may have very well killed my baby. I cried and cried for months. It took me over a year to feel a little more normal about what happened. Now that it is around the same time of year this happened and I feel sadness everytime I see someone have a baby or hear about it. I feel as though I really murdered my own child and I am mad at myself for not looking into it and I am also upset that the doctor didn't tell me it could be too early to tell possible or told me to wait being that it was only 2 weeks after we had sex. I'm sad again and I don't know if this grief will ever go away. I feel like a horrible person, and I would never even have an abortion so I feel like I pretty much did just that. Any advice on how I can cope?