Monica - posted on 10/14/2014 ( 3 moms have responded )
I have two sons, a 3-yo and a 3-month-old. My 3 yo has always required a lot of energy to take care of, and although I felt a little sad going back to work, I was ok. Though our time was limited to a couple of hours a day and weekends, I was able to focus on him 100% and he was happy with that, as was I.
My 3-month-old is completely different from my older son - he's very chill, likes to sit back and take things in, and gives me adorable smiles and giggles. But because of that, his older brother gets all the attention. While I was home with the baby on leave, I loved our time together, not least because I could spend some time by myself while he napped, and then play and sing songs and just generally enjoy our time together. Going back to work is so much harder this time. I loved work today, but when I got home, my 3yo was a nightmare, just nonstop bad behavior. And because I was dealing with him, I barely got any time with my baby before he had to go to bed. I'm so miserable that I can't spend any more one-on-one time with my baby - he goes to bed so early and I feel like my older son will always be there demanding my attention. I feel so resentful of my older son tonight, and I hate feeling like this. I love him, and I usually like spending time with him, but I hate that spending time with him takes away from my time with my baby. I also hate that spending time with the baby makes him go into crazy attention-getting mode, with nonstop yelling, hitting, and tantrums if the slightest thing isn't done exactly his way.
I'm so frustrated tonight and this isn't the first time I've felt this way. I know this is only the first day of work and things will reach an equilibrium sooner or later, but I would appreciate any advice or support if you've felt this way and gotten through it.