I feel my husband will never appreciate what I do as a mother and wife. At wits end.

April - posted on 08/19/2012 ( 1 mom has responded )




My husband does not seem to appreciate anything I do as a mother and wife, at all. I feel like I am at my wits end. I have two girls with him, one is two and a half years old and the other is thirteen months. I stay at home while he works 7am to 4pm in front of a computer desk all day. He also is in college. (I am too.) I wake up with the girls and take care of them, do naps and make the food, diapers and all that. I also manage to try and keep things as clean as I can and including dishes, floors and I occasionally do the trash. He does the trash and the laundry almost all the time, occasionally he does the yard work and handy work around the house when it gets bad enough. Since the girls were born I was always in charge of them at nights. I found this to be so unfair but he uses his sleep problems as an excuse and takes medication to sleep. He isn’t very much use at night anyways so I learned to deal with it. I have also managed to keep taking two to three college classes every semester but now this semester, because we are noticing that we are getting behind on bills so I may need to work a part-time job on top. I am getting so frustrated by the lack of appreciate he gives me at this point, that I find it hard to think that I may be able to do all of these things without having some problems or issues in any particular area. We argue on and off about this stuff all the time, chores and free time and time and now we are in a fight about how he says that what I do is not as hard as what he does, yet I beg to differ. I tell him that it is extremely hard and that it is much harder than his job and he says he is never going to believe that and I tell him that I am never going to be ok with him not accepting that what I do is way harder than him. What can I really do? I feel like we are never going to see eye to eye on anything and that our marriage is doomed.


[deleted account]

first of all - congratulations on maintaining what sanity remains. i personally know how hard it is to juggle family and college while your husband is working. We have had similar disagreements about the workload (sometimes he forgets how hard i work and he doesnt seem to understand/believe that university is hard/stressful/time consuming/as important as his job). The way we have gotten around this is to agree to disagree and focus upon what needs to be done. What jobs get done by whom, and when. We figure out a rough schedule that works for everyone. He accepts that when i am especially stressed ie in assessment time, that things may fall by the wayside for a couple of weeks, and that he isn't to give me a hard time about it (sometimes the cycle repeats and he gets his cranky pants on n i have to remind him of our agreement). Our kids are old enough to pitch in so we've made a roster of jobs for them to do as well which is a big help. High stress lifestyle/situations will strain any marriage. try to remember that college isnt forever and that these stressful times will pass. you need to remember why the two of you are together. you love each other. make it a point to find time for your family and spend time together. sit down with your husband and talk to him about what you feel (be mindful of provoking language "what i do is more important that what you do", "you dont do as much as me" will only cause further conflict). Tell him you dont want to take each other for granted. you need to really agree as a couple how to handle things and get a routine happening that works for everyone. Perhaps you could enlist the help of a counsellor? hope it all works out for you

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