I feel stuck in this situation

Caitlin - posted on 04/07/2015 ( 1 mom has responded )




I am 19 years old and in a few weeks I will be a 1st time birth mom. However, I am already in charge of the care of 2 children, my fiancé's kids, aged 3 and 1. I take care of them 24/7 while he works. I quit my job so I could stay home and take care of them after my fiancé got custody of them back in October. If I was working also then we wouldn't be struggling as much because we'd have more money. I only got $591 back on my taxes and whatever money my fiancé gets back will go straight to DCSE for back child support payments that he has missed in the past. We don't have enough to afford daycare and we have no family on either side who is able to take care of them whenever we need a break, so essentially I'm the only one who is practically never away from them except for their supervised visits with their mother. I am so terrified for when this new baby gets here because there will still be practically no help for me and it's already hard enough taking care of 2 kids by myself. I've never taken care of a newborn before, but no one is willing to help me. My fiancé's mom tells me I just have to do it and that I'll get the hang of it because she had 3 kids by the time she was my age so "if she can do it, I can do it," but me and my fiancé have only 1 car that he uses to get back and forth to work and my phone hasn't been turned on since January so the only way I can talk to people is through WiFi on Facebook or through a text free app that I have. My fiancé's kids are disrespectful and do not listen to a wordi say and they cry over literally everything, even if I just ask them to pick their toys up off the floor. The 3 year old I have known since he was born but he still disrespects me and is physically abusive towards me, punching me in the stomach, spitting at me, etc. My fiancé and I both have only known the 1 year old since October because their birth mom never let us around her until the day we got custody. My mom is scared of me being alone in our apartment with the 3 kids with no real way to contact someone in case of an emergency so she told me she wants me to move back in with her and my baby without my fiancé's kids. I told her that if I did that then he would have no one to watch them for him while he goes to work and she told me that it is his problem to figure out and not mine. I need help because I don't know what to do. I haven't told my fiancé yet about her saying that to me because I know he will flip out about it. I'f he has no one to watch the kids for him then there was no point in us fighting for custody for 7 months straight because they would go back to the mother. I don't know what to do and I'm completely stuck in this situation. I wish we had never rushed into moving in together. I wish he could move back in with his parents and his kids so I could live with my mom and our baby but if he lived with his parents he still wouldn't have anyone to watch the kids while he works because his older and little brother moved out and live on their own with their girlfriend or their friends and his other little brother is still in high school and his parents both work. I don't know if anyone could help me with this but I just need some advice. I honestly don't think I can handle 3 kids by myself, especially with a newborn, but I feel like I have no choice. Please help. :/


Sarah - posted on 04/07/2015




Make a pros/cons list for both you and this baby for both parenting and adoption. Your life situation is what it is. That is reality. So you have to look at your situation in reality. It may not be the right time for you to parent this child. That does not mean you would not be a good parent or that some day down the road would be a better situation to parent. Any birth parent that places their child for adoption feels stuck. They wish the situation would be different so they would be able to parent, but they are also wise in looking at reality and knowing that their child deserves better.

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