I feel that My Daughter bio Dad is ruining My Idea of a new Family

Catherine - posted on 08/05/2015 ( 5 moms have responded )




I have a 5 year old Daughter that is hyper and very smart, I been in a relationship with my boyfriend for over a year now, and I see how he cares for her and loves her he help me out with her so much. He buys her toys lots of things he ask for her everyday how she is doing care about her health and I want that for my Daughter.as for her bio Dad he doesn't even pay child support doesn't call to see how she doing doesn't even take care of her I tried for so long for him to be there for her and care for her but he would always be rude to me hung up on me a complete jerk. My boyfriend would know of this and didn't like it either so I just looking things different I knew he was a lost case. I kept repeating that to myself over and over again, so me and my boyfriend would just spend together as a family if it was outside or over the phone because we don't live together yet but we are working on it. So I felt even if don't live together we are a family and that is something I really want to give my daughter I don't want her to go threw what I went threw I come from a broken Family but now all of a sudden her bio Dad is sending me to court to ask for joint custody and have visitation days, I'm like why in the heck is he even asking for this if he doesn't even take care of her doesn't even come to see her or call to ask if she is OK for weeks or even a full Month. and does not even pay child support all of a sudden now he is doing it now that he is sending me to court. People have said is because he wants to get out of child support. He has put me my boyfriend and even my Daughter in a mess up situation. I don't know what to do. I feel he is going ruin everything for the 3 of us,


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Michelle - posted on 08/06/2015




I love the beginning of MaryAnn's post.
Like the others have said, when any couple split up and they have children you should ALWAYS go to court and sort out custody, visitation and child support. If you didn't do this when you split up then you have to do it now.
He is her Father and has just as much right as you to have a relationship with his daughter. You need to learn to co parent with him for the sake of your child. Just because she is from a broken home, doesn't mean she will suffer but it's up to the parents to make sure she doesn't.
I have done 50/50 shared care for my 2 oldest children for over 10 years so I know it can work. I have very well mannered and respected children.

Jodi - posted on 08/06/2015




I'm just wondering if right now, you are dictating all the rules in relation to when he is allowed to see or talk to his child........

MaryAnn - posted on 08/05/2015




If you have a dog, there will come a time you'll need to go to the vet. If you own a house, at some point, you'll need to buy a new roof. If you have a child with a man you are not with, you will need to go to court and you'll need a lawyer. Its just a part of it.
The court has an interest in having children involved with both parents. If he hasnt been following orders without a damn good reason, its not likely they'll give him more responsibilities on request.
Its hard advice to follow, but talk to your lawyer and relax. There are many people out there looking out for your child's best interests. The judge is one of them.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 08/05/2015




He's got every right to petition for joint access to his daughter. You should have had custody, visitation, and support outlined from the beginning.
You feel that he's trying to interfere with some idealistic idea you have, but in reality, he's only exerting his right to be a parent.
You do not have the right to dictate that relationship, nor do you have the right to deny him access to the child. Get yourself an attorney and be prepared to respond to the petition. Be an adult about things. You created this child with that person, and regardless of what you want to do now, you NEED to do the responsible thing, get the orders established and co parent with this individual to raise the child.

Dove - posted on 08/05/2015




He can not dictate your relationship w/ your boyfriend, but he has every right to go to court for joint custody and visitation. You guys should have had a court order from the beginning.

You say he doesn't see her or ask about her for a few weeks or even a month... like that's a long time... My ex didn't speak to 2/3 of his kids for over a YEAR or see any of them for 2 years... but they spent a month w/ him this summer and they all enjoyed their time. Their father not being involved is 'normal' to them, but they still love him and enjoy what time they DO get.

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