i feel that my seventeen year old son is distant and hard to communicate with

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Andrea - posted on 04/20/2015

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thank u and i will tell him its for 2 weekends.I think youre right that we should tell him for how long. Hopefully hes learned from this and one day realize that its because we love him so much that we did what we did.

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Raye - posted on 04/20/2015

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If you helped pay for the car, and help pay insurance (I'm sure it's more than $25/month), then if you feel you should ground him, that's what you should do. I suggest you let him know him how long the punishment will be for. To withhold that information and make him more upset is kind of being mean (in my opinion). You're his parent, and he's your responsibility until he's 18, so you do what you think is best.

And, yes, if he's tired he should be home in bed where it's safe.

Andrea - posted on 04/20/2015

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he doesnt have car payments cause its bought at kijii for 2500. we gave him 1500 and he worked for the rest. the insurance is on my husbands name so he gives him 25 a month for that.if i beleived he gets it, there would be no grounding. his answer is that he paid for the ticket and that should be enough. also, he still can use it to go to work and back just not to his friends. after all, he said he was so tired so we used the same reason that he shouldnt be driving if hes so tired. what do u think?

Raye - posted on 04/20/2015

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Who pays for the car and insurance?
I assume you feel that $135.00 fine he paid is not punishment enough?
Did he seem mad at the friends that "stole" the car, or did he think it was just a prank?
How did he get home from where he "fell asleep"?

If you pay his car payments and insurance, then maybe your punishment is okay. If he didn't seem to understand the seriousness of the stolen car, then maybe your punishment is okay. But, if he pays for the car and insurance, I'm not sure you should take it away from him. It was a mistake, to be sure, and he can't really control his so-called friends if he's not awake. Yes, he chose those friends to hang around with, but he might be re-thinking that decision after this. And, if he understands that what happened is wrong and he paid the fine (real world consequences) to get the car back, maybe you should just "remind" him on the weekend to be careful and trust he's learned his lesson.

For the record, I would be pissed off and my first reaction would probably also be to "ground" him from the car. But I'm not sure at his age and depending on the answers to the questions above, if that is necessary to get through to him. He's probably really embarrassed that he let it happen and upset that they cost him so much money (and could have been so much MORE money had they wrecked it). If he doesn't already pay for insurance, and you said he has a job, then at the very least he should start doing that.

Andrea - posted on 04/20/2015

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hi ray, thanks so much but just this past saturday night i got a call from the st eustache police telling me that two boys, friends of sean were driving without a license and sean was not in the car so the car was towed and sean payed one hundred thirty five dollars yesterday to get it back. he said the friend stole the keys cause he had fallen asleep. now i decided that on friday and saturday night, hell have no car, only he can drive it to work and back, saturdays and sundays. i am about to let him know this when he gets back from school. do u agree with the consequence? i wont tell him for how long im thinknig 2 weekends and i will tell him that he has to show me hes responsible by coming home right after work.

Raye - posted on 04/20/2015

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He's nearly an adult, and when he goes off to college you won't be able to keep tabs on everything he does. You should try to talk to him about being responsible, and not drinking too much (or drinking underage, but lets face it a lot of kids do that). Say something like you want him to have a good time at parties, but drinking too much can get him arrested or in other trouble, and you care for him and don't want to see that happen to him. He sounds like a good kid otherwise, so hopefully he will keep his head screwed on straight.

Andrea - posted on 04/17/2015

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i found vodka in a water bottle behind my clothes dryer and i talked to him about it and he said that he was taking it to a party not drinking in our home. i told him that in 17 years of building trust between us, in one instant the trust is gone. Now I find myself checking everywere in the house for other things, and i was the mom who never even went into his room without knocking. I have told him that he could come to me with anything and he knows that and yet he hardly speaks to me. when he comes home from school he gets something to eat and goes to his room and i dont see him till he comes up to take a shower and say goodnight. it saddens me so much. in school he is doing very well. hes in enriched science and math and is an honour student for the past 3 years and just got accepted to college, however the friends he hangs out with do drugs and do drink.

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