I fucked up my life!

Sasha - posted on 09/21/2013 ( 24 moms have responded )

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Ok I'm so confused! I feel like I fucked my life up completely I'm 22 with 2 kids and married! I don't know what to do we argue about some of the dumbest things now and days. He's always acting jealous and it gets on my nerves. I have never given a reason to believe I have cheated or betrayed him any way and that doesn't seem to matter. At this point in my life I really don't even care to work on the marriage. I feel like we both want to do our own thing but scared to let the other one go. Just last year he cheated on me and I forgave him and now I'm feeling like that was a bad idea I should've just took my chance and left. Well needless to say thins were going ok and we now have a 2 month old. I love my son don't get me wrong but now I am just like wtf was I thinking. I feel like I'm living my mother's life all over again with no way out! My mom got married to my dad and she remarried years later had 2 kids and remarried again but I dont want to be married that many times but I also don't want to stay in a marriage that is always rocky and just shit half the time.. What should I do?

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Rachel - posted on 09/25/2013

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It's common that people who cheat, blame the other one for it. It's weird but it's like they're projecting their guilt at you to almost make themselves feel better about it. So, he's saying you are but really, he is.
I personally couldn't forgive cheating. The trust would be broken and in my opinion, there's just no coming back from that.
You didn't fuck up your life though. You will get through this as we all get through the shitty times. It'll suck but you deserve happiness.
Good luck to you.

Valerie - posted on 09/26/2013

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no distructive marriage is worth staying in " just for the kids" it will teach your children wrong ways to be in a relationships your children see and learn from everything that is around them. trust me been there done that (diff situations but same feelings) my son is 2 and I told my husband if things didn't change it would be no more because I don't need my son growing up thinking things are right that clearly aren't

Katelyn - posted on 09/25/2013

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I agree with Rachel B, once a cheater, always a cheater plus I could never ever I mean never be with my man knowing he made love to someone else, it fucks you up inside and you will grow resentment until you burst!! be happy, take care of your kids and take car of you!!!

Lily - posted on 09/25/2013

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Work on the marriage before calling it quits. It is easy to loose anything. If I were you I would try to talk to him , Go to marriage counseling .etc. If everything fails then I will resort to thinking about divorce.

Ann - posted on 09/25/2013

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I cant even begin to explain how much this relates to my own life haha I am 22, have two kids 11 months apart, and my husband is also in the military. We've had our ups and downs. We've cheated on each other for stupid reasons or for being like we were neglecting each other. You forgiving him was a huge step and he should come to realize that. If you are both scared of losing each other, you need to lay it out on the table and come to terms with things that maybe you both aren't happy with within your relationship and work on that as a team, together. Relationships aren't always going to be perfect, and everything you want them to be. sometimes he's going to be an asshole and say/do things he may not mean, and sometimes your going to get on his nerves too. You just need to talk things out, no secrets, hold nothing back, you both say what you want to say, and at the end of it if you want to stay together you will, if you don't then you wont.

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Katelyn - posted on 09/30/2013

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wow, of course he will blame you and accuse u of cheating, its his own guilt he doesn't want you to see....but I must say I am proud of you to say you will be seeking counseling for your self!! way to go :)

Sasha - posted on 09/27/2013

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I told him I wanted to separate and he wasn't happy about it and tried to accuse me of cheating last night. I am still going home after I finish school this semester and I am going to go to counseling next week for myself hopefully it helps me

Sasha - posted on 09/26/2013

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We actually already tried counseling & stopped going because I was going to leave him because I found out he was sending some inappropriate text msgs to his girl "best friend" but of course I decided to stay again!

Katelyn - posted on 09/25/2013

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wow that's a terrible place to be in your young life!!! no women should feel un appreciated, all I can suggest is do what you think is best for you and your kids, don't be in a marriage just because you don't want to loose him to someone else...I never would have forgiven him when he cheated, because how can you ever trust him again, plus he accusing you of the same thing when he is the one who cheated??c'mon, sounds like a very un healthy relationship right there. If you really love him, then maybe try counseling for the both of you but if you are so unhappy, then its best to leave while your still young!!!good luck to you and hope you find happiness!!

Sasha - posted on 09/24/2013

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You are right I have been feeling so sick lately and I think it's due to stress. I am going back home soon. Forgot to mention he is in the military and I'm 1800 miles away from family but I am going back home

Ann - posted on 09/24/2013

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Definitely do not stay w/ him if your unhappy, it will just make you so miserable and affect you as a mother. You deserve to be happy now if that means getting a divorce then that's what you need to do. Most likely the reason he is so untrusting of you is due to his cheating in the past and possibly still currently being unfaithful. Once a cheater always a cheater. I wish you the best of luck and hope things get better focus your attention on your baby he needs his mommy to be happy and healthy!!!!!

Karen - posted on 09/24/2013

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Really ! Those kids will save your life. Slavery has gone out the window,No one can own another person.So----get on with your life and let go.I raised 5 alone and so can u.

Your children's love is pure and may be the only love you get in life.Protect it.!!!!!.

Angie - posted on 09/24/2013

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You don't say if you already work outside your home. It is a really tough and isolating life being a single mom with 2 young kids so make sure you know which "wtf" you want to live. Get some counselling; you must have fallen in love with this guy for a reason--find that reason if you can. I'm sure most of his jealousy stems from guilt about his past infidelity and I'm sure you haven't made peace with it either. If it's really too late then good luck to you!!

[deleted account]

I would look into a Divorce Recovery class. Google it, they are offered in churches all over. You're going to need some time to regroup. I wouldn't get into dating for a while, until you've recovered from this.
Best,
Lisa
http://www.susannasapron.com/

Jen - posted on 09/23/2013

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This is an emotionally abusive relationship and you need to get out. People who are cheaters often will accuse their partner of cheating as a way of trying to pass the blame. Hopefully he is a good dad to your kids, and will stay a part of your children's lives, but don't waste another second trying to fix this relationship. Just love and appreciate your beautiful babies and get yourself free of this jerk.

Julie A - posted on 09/21/2013

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Run! Find a real man and be thankful for those babies! It's called Gods will!

Sasha - posted on 09/21/2013

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I've only been married 2 years hopefully I'll find courage before it's too late and like you did thank you Michelle

Michelle - posted on 09/21/2013

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My ex would try all of that as well. I was with him for over 7 years and he was a verbally abusive and controlling man. It took me ages to leave but it was the best thing. He would even threaten suicide if I didn't come back.
It's taken me 8 years but I finally have the strength to stand up to him and he's not liking it. He had me under his control for so long, even after I left, that he thought I would always just do what he said. I have found I am a strong woman and that NO woman should ever be treated like that.

Sasha - posted on 09/21/2013

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I honestly feel like my life would be so much better without him sometimes! Then he like reals me back in saying he'll change and he's sorry and that was just 2 weeks ago when he said all this he got mad because I went out with my friend on her bday & he was invited by the way & decided not to go! I come home try to talk to him and he tells me he doesn't know who dick I been sucking or grinding on! So I told him we should separate and he got pissed then tried to apologize! I think I'm scared of being alone and I think no one will want me with 2 kids. Idk Thank you for your advice Michelle

Michelle - posted on 09/21/2013

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I was in the same situation. My ex husband cheated on me, I tried to make it work, had our 2nd child and was always getting accused of cheating on him.
I left when our youngest was 1 and it was the best decision I ever made. I was single for over 5 years but met the most wonderful man. We are now married with a 3.5yo.
My parents split and I always vowed I wouldn't out my children through that but I also didn't expect the man I married to cheat on me.

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