Veronica - posted on 06/22/2014 ( 1 mom has responded )
So, from the get go I have never had any 'happy' feelings from breastfeeding. Honestly, it's sucked. As the months have gone by those feelings have just gotten worse. Today, for example, I was trying to give him a bottle (I'm weaning) and he was just flipping out and I just got so frustrated, even angry. So I took him upstairs (luckily Daddy was home), put him in his crib, and very nearly ran out of the house in desperation to escape these bad emotions that were running through me.
Once I got home I started desperately searching the internet for anyone who was having the same problems. I happened upon d-mer.org which was a site about dysphoric milk ejection reflex. Pretty much it was about moms like me who were experiencing bad hormonal emotions when their milk let down. It's rare, but it's caused by dopamine, and it can make you feel like the worst mom on the planet.
This came as such a relief. I'd been searching on the internet for a while for a reason why it either stressed me out or frustrated me to breastfeed. All I could ever find was how 'wonderful' it was, how 'great' it made the mom feel. It really made me want to cry, because I felt so alone in what was going on. I'm not a naturally emotional person so to experience anything like this was just upsetting.