I got pregnant by a married man on purpose, I'm scared he might try to hurt my baby.

User - posted on 11/24/2013 ( 165 moms have responded )

36

0

0

I'm currently 4 months pregnant and I slept with this married man hoping to get pregnant. I lied and told him I was on birth control. I don't want to be with him or steal him from his wife, I just wanted a child. The only reason I slept with him was because I knew that he wouldn't want anything to do with the child since he's married and I rather be a single mom. When I told him I was pregnant he freaked and said he wanted nothing to do with the kid or me, and I was happy because my plan was working. I pretended to be sad so he wouldn't get suspicious. When I told my so-called friend what I did she said I was wrong, and that I'm a slut and blah blah. I said I didn't care and that I was happy that I was going to have a baby.
However, she pulled a B**CH move and told him what I did. I don't think his wife knows, but I'm really scared of what he might do now that he knows what I did.

I'm scared he might try to hurt me or kill my baby.
I'm not asking for maintenance. That's the last thing I want because it would give him access to my child and I don't want him anywhere near it EVER, and I already have money saved.
Is it possible for me to get a restraining order if he hasn't done anything yet?
Should I move and change my name?

Also I'm fairly sure he won't want custody because he's married and doesn't want his wife to find out.

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 11/25/2013

13,255

21

2015

Wow. MISGUIDED much????

You LIED. You MANIPULATED. You are SELFISH. And, you are sorely disillusioned. Your choices in the matter are sorely lacking, since (if you really only wanted to get pregnant to have a kid) there are locations where you can be inseminated without all the hassle of sex, partners, and courts.

You lied to a man to get him to sleep with you. You created a child in that encounter.

GUESS WHAT, BABY!!! He's got 50% rights to that child whether you like it or not. No matter what your immature little brain is telling you, if this man chooses to pursue the matter, you will be seen as being the uncooperative party, and it will bite you in the ass.

How dare you create a child that you are not planning on offering a full family to? How dare you deny the child their father? The child has just as much right to know their father as the father has to know them. Your friend, BTW, did exactly the correct thing, in telling the guy that you were a lying, conniving child.

You can swear all you want that you “didn’t want anything else”, but if you didn’t want anything else, you’d have gone to a medical facility for insemination, rather than choosing a MARRIED man to deceive in order to get pregnant.

You are scum, actually, and if this is a true post, I’m praying like mad that not only will wifey find out, but SHE will have you taken to court for custody of the child, because you’ve already proven that you are not fit to make mature decisions regarding the raising of the child.

Here’s to justice for the father & Baby in this question.

Dove - posted on 11/25/2013

11,675

0

1349

Shawnn... I don't even have to read what you wrote to know how I want to rate it! :)

I hope the OP is making up a story for attention, but if not.... please print out everything you've written and seek counseling immediately. Your child's entire emotional well being depends on you getting the help you desperately need if you can not truly comprehend the very real and very negative consequences of what you have done here. You are playing w/ the life of a human being... and not just the father of your baby, but your BABY'S life and his/her entire emotional stability rests on you right now.... and you are not fit to raise a goldfish at this point.

Guess I couldn't keep my mouth shut, huh? lol

Shauna D - posted on 11/27/2013

7

0

0

Have you thought of how awful its going to be for that child when he or she wants to know who their father is and that he wants absolultly nothing to do with them. Its gonna put them through a lot of pain. I pray that you are a great mother and that your completely there for your baby. I pray that you find peace in what you did.

Jodi - posted on 11/26/2013

3,558

36

3907

I wish there were laws against women who deliberately trap a man by lying about birth control.

Wouldn't it be a pity if you had a son and some woman did this to him one day?

We all have to live with our choices, and you don't know yet what your choice brings upon you. You may not know for many years. But our choices all have consequences. May yours be deserving.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 11/26/2013

13,255

21

2015

User, this is my last try. Obviously you are very young (bachelor's degree or not) because you are still delusional about your perceived "rights" and his rights (as you perceive them).

Honey, fact of the matter is, YOU ARE WRONG. He knows you're pregnant, and he knows he slept with you. If he wants to get an attorney tomorrow to demand paternity, HE CAN, regardless of whether or not the baby is born. He can have a judge order an immediate paternity test for immediately after the birth. And, my dear delusional young lady, IT WON'T MATTER WHERE IN THE BLOODY HELL YOU RUN OFF TO. If he is determined, he can make it happen.

So, to answer your question: NO, you cannot get a restraining order based on your "feelings". Give it up sunshine. Grow up. Find whatever little shred of integrity that you possess, which I'm guessing is a slim shred indeed.

I guarantee that your decision right now is going to bite you in the ass. Either when you're served with a summons for kidnapping, when the child is fought for by it's father, or at the very least when your kid finds out that you have LIED to it for it's entire life, and decides that they no longer want a scheming bitch in their lives.

KARMA. What goes around comes around, baby. And it bitch slaps you into next year when it happens.

Now, you've gotten your answer. You made a stupid move, and no one here is going to support you or give you ideas on how to skirt the system.

I'm still rooting for the kid's biological father & step mother. A much more stable environment there, even if they DO divorce. At least neither of them are in denial.

This conversation has been closed to further comments

165 Comments

View replies by

Lakesha - posted on 11/27/2013

13

15

1

Yes, you could have gone to a sperm bank. If he wanted to,he could confess to his wife and file for custody. You lied about birth control, why! I am sure there are single men out there wanting love, kids, a wife. So selfish of you. Why!

Kelly - posted on 11/26/2013

10

0

3

Karma is a bitch dear...you can't do things like that and not expect something to happen. Getting pregnant on purpose and doing what you did is shameful and I hope you realize that fully at some point. You know what you need to do, it's a matter of doing it...own up to your dirty ways and be a damn good mom to this poor baby that was basically thought of as a tool to begin with. Some people smh...

Ambur - posted on 11/26/2013

67

0

11

It's been stated: you did do an awful and selfish thing. But the circumstances are what they are now. If you are afraid, you should talk with local authorities just in case something happens. There are woman shelters all over the place if you need it.

Next time you want a baby though, go get some spermies from a sperm bank or somthing though.

User - posted on 11/26/2013

12

0

0

i think you know what you are doing and need no advice because you have this confidence that will lead you some where so this conversation is not usefull to you just please yours and face the outcome.lets talk about more serious issues and advice those that need it

Nerissa - posted on 11/26/2013

10

0

0

Shame. You are right some men dont care and knowing you are gone will help him more. But it might not be easy to immigrate. I know I've been there many years ago. I had a baby when I was 19 my family was moving to Australia the father wanted nothing to do with my pregnancy or baby. But he was still on the birth certificate and I still had to get a legal document to say I had full rights. The only thing you can do is make everything legal. So that nothing can come back to you. Also depending on which country you land up in you might not be able to obtain citizinship until your child is over 16yrs. I know I tried and even though I have no idea where the father is and he has never communicated with my son according to the law I need signed permission for my son to get citizenship. You should have the father on the birth certificate. You never know what will happen in years to come. It's about lineage and heritage. And heaven forbid your child needs medical treatment and they need the fathers health history. It happens q lot I know I worked in a hospital. If you are sure he wants nothing to do with u. Then have him sign legal papers. That's the only advice I can give.

Jodi - posted on 11/26/2013

3,558

36

3907

And I'm not going to comment on the gay thing, other than to say I have a brother who is gay and he and his partner have chosen to have cats. HOWEVER, every child needs a strong and stable role model of BOTH sexes in their lives, and this child will have neither.

Briana - posted on 11/26/2013

9

0

1

Okay, I just want to say... You're a selfish woman. There are easier and less wrongful ways of having a baby. Purposely sleeping with a married man to get pregnant was wrong. There is honestly something wrong with you and I feel sorry for that child. I honestly hope that baby is taken away from you and given to a more sane and caring family.

Dove - posted on 11/26/2013

11,675

0

1349

As for your question... two stable mothers would be twice as many stable parents as your child is going to have.... so, why not?

Dove - posted on 11/26/2013

11,675

0

1349

lol If you didn't care what anyone else thought you wouldn't have wasted everyone's time and posted..... You would have just gone on about your life and done whatever the heck you are going to do w/out making a public post about it. Oh wait... that would be a LOGICAL reaction from someone who didn't care what other people think (hence why you will very rarely, if ever, see me START a post on here... my life, my business).

Gena - posted on 11/26/2013

303

1

655

But in any case gay or not people dont just sleep with married men,lie to them telling you are on birthcontrol but you arent.. Im sure homosexual people get their childern in a much loving proper way and thats what counts!If homosexual people want to raise a child i will take u as an example..gays will definatly be better parents then you!

[momoftwo] - posted on 11/26/2013

441

0

116

I don't see a problem with same-sex parents at all.
I dont mean this as offensive at all but usually when it comes to that (so far as I have seen) one is more masculine and the other more feminine so it kinda works out to a mom and dad figure anyway.

Gena - posted on 11/26/2013

303

1

655

I have no problem whatsoever with homosexual people (or friends), i think they should be able to marry..but sry now i am in for some trouble..i dont think they should raise children..and thats something even my gay friend tells me!

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 11/26/2013

13,255

21

2015

A child needs an ADULT. A responsible one. Whether that's two homosexual women, or two homosexual men, or a mom & dad, whatever...they need 2 ADULTS, regardless of whether or not you are in the same home.

Troll.

User - posted on 11/26/2013

36

0

0

I honestly don't care how many of you think I'm crazy. Your opinions about me don't matter to me.

Gena - posted on 11/26/2013

303

1

655

If you think this woman is insane please press my funny button...lets show her how many of us think she isnt normal!

User - posted on 11/26/2013

36

0

0

I have a question for all of you. Do you oppose lesbians having children and raising a child with 2 mothers instead?

Since most of you are adamant that a child needs a father, how do you all feel about that issue.

[momoftwo] - posted on 11/26/2013

441

0

116

No he wouldn't get full custody but if you were found and blah blah blah, he could get joint or visitation.

Becky - posted on 11/26/2013

165

0

17

Ok, there is always 1 funny notion on her posts. Are we marking our own posts as funny?

Becky - posted on 11/26/2013

165

0

17

I'd expect nothing less from a person who's user name is "user". Next time you want to have a child and don't want a man involved, contact your local sperm bank.
This is the makings of a Dr. Phil episode down the road.

Dove - posted on 11/26/2013

11,675

0

1349

How many times have you been through custody court? Zero... alrighty then. You can NOT predict what will happen. Hell, my lawyer who has done hundreds and hundreds of custody cases can not predict what a judge that HE knows will or will not rule. Yet you... w/ zero personal experience... can do better? Lady... if you aren't full of crap you'd better hope and pray w/ every fiber of your being that your delusions become fact.... or you, my dear, will be screwed.

User - posted on 11/26/2013

36

0

0

Actually a lot have been saying it over and over if you actually read everyone's comments.

Besides there's really no point to this anymore. I've made my decision. You can all go now.

Dove - posted on 11/26/2013

11,675

0

1349

lol Your reading comprehension is pretty bad, huh? You are the one going on and on about how you don't want him. Most other people aren't even touching on THAT part of your issue.... DUH!

A - posted on 11/26/2013

214

4

13

You want me to answer your question. No he isn't going to try to hurt you or the baby, after all you say he wants nothing to do with you or the baby so why would he risk doing something that would make his wife leave you. It isn't possible to get a restraining order if he hasn't done anything. Should you move and change your name? No you should become an adult and face your mistakes.

Gena - posted on 11/26/2013

303

1

655

Yes,i deleted one of my posts because i am actualy not the kind of person to call people names.I will just think it for myself!

Gena - posted on 11/26/2013

303

1

655

please make me laugh and tell me that you dont want a single child and that you are already planning for a brother or sister for your baby...?

A - posted on 11/26/2013

214

4

13

I take that back, I wouldn't want you child to hate you, not for you but for that child, the burden of hating your own mother is not what I wish for the baby. But a mother would never do what you did.

A - posted on 11/26/2013

214

4

13

I hope your child grows up to hate you. How dare you call yourself a mother!

User - posted on 11/26/2013

36

0

0

That's because they were once married to their childs father and the man was listed as the father on the children birth certificate. Of course a court would return the children back to their father.
This is not my situation at all.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 11/26/2013

13,255

21

2015

Live in your unicorn & rainbow world, sweetie. You'll know when it starts to crumble.

LMAO. Still no clue. Haven't seen the recent hullaballoo over those tramps that did exactly what you're planning, and were caught and extradited, I take it? Oh well, your loss.

When your child quits speaking to you because you're a lying, cheating, bitch, don't be surprised. It does happen you know. More than you want to realize.

Good luck escaping Karma, baby. You're gonna need a lot. Hopefully your kid wakes up to reality early on.

User - posted on 11/26/2013

36

0

0

Lol. You obviously haven't researched anything. If I'm in a foreign country he has no way of contacting me. I already plan on changing my number and I've deleted my Facebook. Also the court doesn't handle international DNA test. Also how exactly will he pay for all of this. He's middle class. There's no way any rational person would spend hundreds of thousands on dollars trying to get back a child they don't want. Especially when they have other kids to support. It just wouldn't make sense.
I'm certain he nor his wife will not want this child. He'd have to be an idiot to want anything to do with my baby. He's home free now, he has his marriage intact, and no child support. Why would he ruin that? For a child he doesn't want? Lmao

User - posted on 11/26/2013

36

0

0

None of you make any sense. I'm the mother, the child is inside me. Currently, I have all the rights to my baby.
The father is not my husband, boyfriend, or anyone significant. His name will not be on the birth certificate, and he has no way of establishing paternity until after my baby is born,in which I will be long gone. He can't win anything. As of now, and for the next couple months he has no legal rights to my child. NONE. Especially since he can't establish paternity.
This is my child legally.

Again, the reason I told the father initially was because I figured he'd find out regardless that I was pregnant. I was certain he would want no involvement so I saw no harm in telling him.
It wasn't until my friend told him my plan was when I felt scared that he might retaliate or harm me and my baby. Something I'm sure he'll do now, seeing as how all of you are reacting. I'm already making plans to leave, and never come back so that lessens my chance of getting hurt. From him or his wife in case she finds out.
I don't need this drama really. Yes all you married mothers stick together and I'm the black sheep because I slept with a married guy. Not surprised you are all jumping down my throat about it.
Instead of harping on what I did can anyone of you actually focus on the question?
At this point my main goal is to keep my baby safe. Instead you all want to give it to the people who would be the most likely to want to hurt it.
Him and his wife have no reason to wish my baby well, in fact he's probably hoping right now that I miscarry. And if his wife finds out I'm positive she'll wish the same. Sorry, but that's how a lot of men are, and usually from what I've seen when a woman like the wife is scorned she will wish both harm on the "other woman" and her baby. It's just how many people are.
If anything the only reason they would want to take my baby is because they want revenge against me. Not because they love my child or want what's best for it. I can assure you, the only thing they would feel for my baby is disdain and contempt.

[momoftwo] - posted on 11/26/2013

441

0

116

And what you don't realize it's a small world, and also thanks to facebook, your "ex friend" can find his wife easily and spill the beans because your "ex friend" is honest and has a brain.

I really hope she finds you though. You're baby won't be harmed but I bet you will be... It'll catch up to you.
I also hope he changes his mind and tries to fight you on it.
You are so adamant on him not changing his mind but you dont have any say to what he's thinking, how he feels, or what he is going to do later on.

Oh! And if you do have a crystal ball I'd like to see my future as well.

A - posted on 11/26/2013

214

4

13

Lol I just got the username: user because she used a married man for her own selfish reasons!

Nerissa - posted on 11/26/2013

10

0

0

Im still confused by your reasoning. You wanted a married man so that he won't commit to u and baby. I happen to Know quite a number of men that do care. So don't assume all men are like that. Then again the biggest puzzler to this whole scenerio and no you haven't explained WHY DID U TELL HIM!!!!I tired of this thread now You are just full of SHIT and lies..

A - posted on 11/26/2013

214

4

13

So legally he has no right because the baby isn't born and there is no birth certificate, then legally what right do you have?

User - posted on 11/26/2013

36

0

0

How on Earth would he know that I'm leaving? I haven't even told anyone? Also I could just lie and say he's not the father when asked in court.

Why would he come crawling to me? I don't want him.

Michelle - posted on 11/26/2013

3,618

8

3245

This is so untrue:"Also, it's not kidnapping, since legally he has no claim on my child. We are not married and there is no proof that he is even the father. As of now, he has no rights to my child. And it's not kidnapping if I decide to leave."
He does have a claim since YOU told him you were pregnant with HIS child. He can go to court (before your baby is born) and get orders stopping you from leaving the state/country!
It will then be determined by a DNA test that he is the Father.
I know you keep saying he doesn't want anything to do with the baby but if his wife kicks him out because she finds out about you then he would probably come crawling to you.
You really are living in a bubble and have no idea about the real world and what other women have had to go through. All we have done is show you many different scenarios that could happen, even though at the moment he doesn't want anything to do with the baby.
The joy of being a human is that we have EVERY right to change our minds, who's to say the Father won't? Do you have a crystal ball to tell you the future? If so then there was no need for this thread at all.

Jodi - posted on 11/26/2013

3,558

36

3907

LOL Gena, they know my views on these situations well ;)

And I really am going with troll. I mean, who asks a question like this? Some people need to get a hobby.

Gena - posted on 11/26/2013

303

1

655

no sence in talking to you what so ever,you are so naiv,selfish and foolish.Your poor baby.Hope it will turn out a better person then you are! I am done writing to you,i think you should have rather gone to a therapist.Poor therapist that would have to listen to all your cr*p! Feel ashamed of yourself for what you did,someday you will realize it.

Jane AJ - posted on 11/26/2013

12

0

1

Dear sir,

You are now on the confusing situation.
Hope you would be safe and happy with your baby.

But I don't understand you wanted just a baby.

Parenting with both father and mother affects baby positively
in regard to emotion, intelligence and social networking so on.

Please be aware there's place in baby's heart only for father to fill and meet.

User - posted on 11/25/2013

36

0

0

How many times do I have to say that I want nothing to do with the man. I chose a married man specifically because a child outside of their marriage would be looked down upon and I knew he wouldn't want it. That's just how it is. That's how men think. Single men and ONS would be more likely to want a part of the childs life because they would have nothing to lose.

Also I know the man didn't have STD's because I made sure to get him checked before we did anything and I in turn gave him proof that I was clean.
I've been planning this for a while, I wasn't going to risk an STD.

This man will not change his mind. He has no reason. In his view and in mine, this is just my child.He wants no part in its life, and that's great with me.
So there's no reason for custody battles or him telling his wife and ruining his family.
Me and my child staying out of his life is best for everyone in this situation.

Gena - posted on 11/25/2013

303

1

655

poor,poor child.BTW i like how some mothers have been waiting for you..reminds me of twighlit..TEAM JODI :-)oo

Jodi - posted on 11/25/2013

3,558

36

3907

Oh, Gena, of course she would lie to her child. She has no morals! So you can't appeal to them.

Gena - posted on 11/25/2013

303

1

655

Hi jodi, i hope its a troll...but then again you do get quite some weird sick people on this planet.I feel very sorry for the child. Is it night time by you?I just woke up...and this has still been on my mind.Actualy any sane person that posted this would have thrown their computer away after reading all that we wrote and wouldnt dare to look in the mirror anymore...so maybe you wright and it is a troll:-)Have a lovely relaxed evening

Gena - posted on 11/25/2013

303

1

655

I would like to tell you a nice TRUE story of a family friend of ours,better said my dads (ex)friend. He was married to a woman for 20 years..has a 26 year old daughter and a 24year old son... Well 6 years ago he was cheating on his wife..and voila the mistress got pregnant..he thought he would keep it a secret....WRONG he went to his wife and told her he is taking money from their bankacount to go buy a baby car seat etc. The wife was shocked! They divorced and he has now a little girl with his cheat and he is involved in that girls life! We arent friends with him anymore,but not because of what he did,he changed alot after that whole fiasco and for the worse!I dont want to go into detail but now there you go...he also first didnt want anything to do with that child and now he does!

About the STDs just because somebody is married doesnt mean they dont have any!You need to educate yourself abit more about STDs... How do you know for sure he hasnt got anything?You dont know if you are the only one he was sleeping with besides his wife..you are maybe only one of many woman he slept with behind his wifes back without using condoms.And please save your "I was the only one for sure" because that would make you sound even more ridicoulis then you already sound. Btw its not said,but you could also never know if his wife isnt cheating on him behind his back and caught something,gave it to her
husband and he gave it to you. Be realistic,STDs are not a joke.

I hope you get the same suprise,and that the father of the child reacts the same like my dads friend did. Ok so he is a bloody fool for what he did,but atleast he stepped up and takes responsebilty.

Have you ever thought that your child has 2 halfbrothers/sisters, i want to mention something that is a very touchy subject.. Have you ever thought about what would be if your child is sick and needs donors and only family members might be able to donate?(i hope your baby will be healthy and that this will never have to be) but what if it would happen.?What if only its father or one of the halfbrothers/sisters could help?

Are you going to lie to your child oneday how it was made,when your child asks who its daddy is and where he is and why he isnt here(although i think he is going to stand up and be around)?Can you really lie to your own child or will you tell the truth that you slept with a married man and made him get you pregnant on purpos?

Jodi - posted on 11/25/2013

3,558

36

3907

Arrived home, poured a glass of wine, sat back, relaxed, read, laughed REALLY hard. I had a tough day, so this totally lightened my mood.

Two thoughts came to mind:

1. Troll.
2. What goes around comes around.

Enough said because the other ladies said it all.

The only victim in all of this is the child. That is what makes you selfish. The rest of it is just icing on the cake.

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms