Jessica - posted on 12/07/2013 ( 15 moms have responded )
My 20 year old son, I found out last night from his to-be-in-laws, is engaged to a woman-girl I despise. Unfortunately, I introduced them after he went through a nasty break up with the last "love of his life," This girl is the daughter of my husband's boss. HUGE POINT) They have been together for about a year, and over this time my son, who was wonderful, open and a huge part of this family has become sneaky, deceptive, manipulative, a liar and thief all because of her, I feel. Twice I have found pills which look like Mollies in his car that I bought him, an empty bottle of tequila, and they have beat this car up to death. I finally took the car away, and because he has a job (and at that point did not pay rent) went out and bought another car. Months later I found out he lied again. He swore he had insurance on his car, and when it came home with a bashed in hood, to which he said he had no idea what happened (someone must have backed into me at work) I found a ticket for driving without insurance along with two pipes to smoke dope.
Since then, he has lied to me continually, blown up the engine in his car under very suspicious circumstances, bought another car with this girl, sold it before it was paid for and then reported it stolen, stolen money from me, and a host of other atrocities.
I've been so nuts about this I started seeing a therapist. When the whole story came out, she told me I had to tell him to get his own place--otherwise I would ruin my own life. I gave him the move out date. He's still here. He won't leave. I told him that he had to pay rent and his girl couldn't come over any more. He paid rent once.
The reason I hate her is because she caused my son to abandon his college career because she needed him too constantly for him to go to work.Or she'd be in his room watching TV while he was trying to work. We'd tell her to leave, but both of them would refuse. He'd be trying to do homework and she'd call with a crisis. He would bolt out the door to save her. He ended up flunking one of his classes. Then he dropped out. Specific offenses:
1) My son and I shared the new car his father and I bought him for graduation from high school. We couldn't afford another new car for me. Whenever I needed the car to go to work or grocery shopping, she would need him to pick her up for a doctor's appointment, a VERY IMPORTANT family get together, or assorted other reasons meaning I couldn't have a car to use. Most of the time I found out these were lies.
2) I demanded when she came over that they keep four feet on the floor and doors open--didn't happen. When I caught them "doing the deed" she yelled at me for invading my grown up son's privacy.
3) I had given my son a JC Penneys credit card to use when he first started working. He gave it to her to use to buy clothes because her parents told her to get a job.
4) She continually lectured me about losing my son because I still treated him as if he were not a grown up
5) The last straw--I had to be at work at 9 am one Saturday. Chris wasn't home and I was worried sick because of the drugs I found. I asked her, politely to tell me where I was so I could find out, first, if he was okay, and second, to find my car (we live in a relatively small town, and word had it he was close by). She told me it was classified information--none of my business.
6) I keep asking them to make calls on the home phone because they go over out cell phone's minutes level every month (I can't afford a better plan). Do they comply? NO, of course not.
She dropped out of high school in her sophomore year, became addicted to drugs--just like her mother and father--was nearly kicked out of her home because of her laziness--wouldn't go back to school, wouldn't get a job. When my son helped her get a job and paid rent to her parents so she could stay there, she stayed on the job 4 days and quit. Her grandparent paid to send her to driving school to get a driver's licenseand she dropped out. They bought her a car--it's sitting on the road collecting dust.
Now she has been accepted into the Job Corps and until I found out about this engagement, I thought it was my opportunity to de-program him.
HELP HELP HELP! I don't want to "disown," shut him out, or give up on him, but there is no way in hell I'm going to condone this!
Any words of wisdom???