I HATE MY STEPSON

Sabrina - posted on 05/22/2015 ( 21 moms have responded )

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I have a 6 years old stepson, he used to live with my boyfriend 5 days and with his mother only 2, my husband is to good person ad basically ruined his life taking care full time of his son. When I met him, he was really in a very bad situation, we moved together 18 months ago, the kid started coming to my home friday to monday, was a horrible nightmare for me, my boyfriend is so lovely with him and with me, but I dont want the kid in my home. I pay for almost everything because my bf doesn't make to much money, I don't want to spend a penny in ss, so I don't. Now finally my boyfriend agree to have him every other weekend, so I am happy.

I don't know why I hate the kid so mad, even when he is not doing anything, I look at him I feel like I want to hit him, that really concern me a lot. The ss is a really good kid, but I don't like he acts like a baby, talk like a baby and 20 times per day says "papi I love you" interrumpting us, so my bf needs to answer back "I love you too" to many timeees! I never spend more than 4$ in him, also start to buy for him used clothes, he doesn't play any sport because the money is mine and I'm not going to spend it on him. I know that I'm really wrong, but I can't stop.

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Cutemommy - posted on 05/26/2015

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How long have you known this man, and how long have you been married. How is the situation with the ex ( mother of his son). It sounds like you are angry at your husband for making you take care of his son financially and you are taking it out on his son. You switch from saying boyfriend to saying husband and im confused on your situation with the man. You need to tell your man to make an effort to find a better job and you need to learn to love his son like he is your own. Start making an effort to build your relationship with his son. If you are married and his mom isn't around much your basically his mom. I take good care of my stepson I also love him very much and I do my best to be a good stepmom because I don't know how his mother treats him and I worry about him receiving motherly love. If he doesn't get that at home he sure gets it when he comes to visit us.

Ledia - posted on 05/26/2015

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When you choose to have a relationship with a man who has a child, it is a joint package. You cannot have "just the man" and not take the kid too--they come together.

You say you should have no responsibility for this kid, but if you choose to have a relationship with the kid's father, then you have to accept that the kid comes with him, and you need to take responsibility for the child as well. If you cannot do that, you need to find a boyfriend who does not have children.

Sha - posted on 05/25/2015

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You sound jealous & insecure of his son? It's as if, he wasn't suppose to intervene into your fairytale...ever heard of karma??Good luck to you when he's older I bet he will make damn sure that your life is a misery for giving him your absolute worst! You are definitely related to Cinderella's stepmother! Lol and you know what happened to her at the end!! I hope his father will realise the real person you are & kick you to the kerb!

Esrae - posted on 05/23/2015

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I'm a step mom to two now grown children, having had them in my life since they were young children. It is truly a blessing. My husband and I always made sure to take the high road and never, ever bad mouthed the children's mom, even when times were hard.
Just remember that most kids did not ask to be in this situation. They deserve a loving, caring step mom. It may not always be easy but it is very rewarding. I'm truly blessed to have these two children in my life, in fact I consider them as my own.

Candice - posted on 05/26/2015

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Wow I would say therapy is the best here, going into this you already knew the man had a child. The relationship between you and the father of the son is probably bothering him and he doesn't know how to act seeing his father with someone else. They usually go back to acting like a baby to get attention due to the issues with there parents not being together and his dad being with you. Believe me you not wanting the kid around and wanting to hit him is not a good sign for you at all. This is called you have some issues u need help for. Please remember if you have a child and you and the father doesn't make it work that child will have to go to the step moms house how would you want your child treated over there. Time time to grow up and be that inter mom and take control of your self and love. The boy did nothing to you he just has a different mom. Don't judge the joy because of your issues with him having a different mom. Good luck and remember God doesn't like ugly if you can't get passed it then maybe it's time for a divorce. When you married a man you marry his heart and that's his kids as well.

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♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 08/11/2015

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You need to get some help, my dear, and NOT for your boyfriend or the child, but for YOU.

You pretty much indicate that you thought you wouldn't have to be involved at all with the child that your boyfriend has already parented. Well, honey, if you didn't WANT a child, you shouldn't have started dating and subsequently moved in with a man who, by your own admission is a wonderful father.

Maybe it's time for he and his child to find a better situation, both for living, and for romantic involvement. Good grief, you are coming across as a heartless bitch! You can't stand that the child tells his father 'I LOVE YOU'????? Were you, perhaps, raised in a dysfunctional family yourself, so you don't really know how LOVE works?

Do the kid and his dad a favor. Get out of their lives, because you, my dear, are NOT parent material. Thank God you aren't married to the poor guy! I can just imagine his distress, the woman whom he thought he loved treats his biological child like horse crap under her feet.

Sarah - posted on 08/10/2015

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@Nikki- Can I suggest that you start your own thread? If you are looking for support of advice you will get more responses by making an original post.

Nikki - posted on 08/10/2015

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I am so glad I found this site. I am a step parent to 3 children, additionally I have 4 children of my own. I cant stand the sight of my step daughter. Now she is coming to stay with us for the yr because her mother is sorry. I want to say so much but words escape me. I feel trapped to parent this little girl and it isnt fair. I wish I never would have met her father. We will not last and I know it because she is just too much to handle.

Dove - posted on 05/25/2015

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He is 6!!!! What the hell is wrong w/ you?! Leave this man before you destroy his INNOCENT child!!!! You have serious psychological issues if you can hate a 6 year old for 'no' reason... He says 'I love you' too much?! That's what affectionate little kids DO!! Get over yourself and grow up and get into a relationship w/ a man who has no kids and has had a vasectomy because you have no business being anyone's parent!

Sarah - posted on 05/25/2015

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Hi Sabrina,
You definitely are in an unfortunate situation. You really need to remove yourself from this relationship. This is not fair to your boyfriend or especially the little boy. He is the innocent one in this, and definitely deserves to be loved and not hated by his step mom. I don't know how your boyfriend would feel about this...or if he even knows...but I have an 8 month old daughter and if my significant other didn't like my child or even admitted he hated her I couldn't be with them. You definitely do not want something to get of control and this innocent child get hurt.

If you do not care for the child, you need to leave. The child deserves better.

Gena - posted on 05/24/2015

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The others have said it all! If you are so unhappy,rather leave and look for a guy without kids.

Michelle - posted on 05/24/2015

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Your boyfriend comes as a package deal. If you don't think you could love his child then you have no right to be in his life.
The child doesn't deserve to be treated like that.
You are very selfish and need to find someone that doesn't have children.

Jodi - posted on 05/23/2015

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Wow.

"ruined his life taking care full time of his son."

You mean he was a stay at home father to his child, just as many mothers do for their children? And that ruined his life?

"we moved together 18 months ago, the kid started coming to my home friday to monday, was a horrible nightmare for me"

So you KNEW when you moved in with your boyfriend that he had his child 5 days a week and was a stay at home father for him.

"Now finally my boyfriend agree to have him every other weekend, so I am happy. "

So you have no made your boyfriend give up full time care of his son because you are a selfish bitch who really doesn't want the stepchild?

You know what sweetheart? You don't deserve that boyfriend of yours.

Ev - posted on 05/23/2015

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And another thing, 1900 a month is a lot more than I make in a month that is almost 2000 a month. For a lot of people that is good money. Just because people are poor is not always something to be faulted for are ashamed of. You sound like you have too high a standard for your BF. When you decided to be involved with this man you took on a package. If he is really as into his child as he is made to be in your postings, I praise him for such. So the child is more important because your BF has an obligation to him first. That is how it goes.

[deleted account]

How old are you & Boyfriend? I only ask because much of what you say sounds as though as it is coming from an immature mindset. I have 3 stepchildren and have been married to their father since they were teens. They are now adults. I have never felt "hate" for my stepchildren!
Do yourself.... the boyfriend and most importantly the little boy a favor and leave this relationship now. With the amount of animosity you say you have towards the child now....it will only get worse. You say yourself you are unsure why you feel this way. It just seems like "why stay?" When you are so miserable or "hate" the child. Sounds like a tragedy waiting to happen! Scary. (Just my take on it)
Hopefully you can move on for your sake and that of the child's. Everyone might be happier and healthy this way. Best of luck to you!

Tanja - posted on 05/22/2015

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First thing watch the movie Stepmom. It will give you an idea of how you should treat a child. If you love your bf then you need to figure out why and how to love the boy too. Or get out but don't be mean to the boy. Period!

Sabrina - posted on 05/22/2015

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His father hasn't time, he works 10am to 8pm. There are not court ordered visitation. His father hasn't money, he just makes 1900$ per month, when I make up to 12000$... I understand that I'm not acting goos. But I haven't any responsibility for this kid, so why I should to take care of him suring summer? If his mom works, well now my bf too. And why I need to apend my money on him? Is not fair, I don't want the kid, but I do morenfor him that his own parents, I pay his childcare also. Ia not my fault that they are poor people, I just want to save my bf, nobody else. The kid will stay with his mom and I will pay child support but I don't want him in my house more than 4/5 days per month.
every time that I talk with a stepmom, is sililar situation...
I don't care to be his stepmom, I just love his father... but I will try really hard to let everything in his place and on my way.
I feel sorry too for the kid, but is not mine, I never wanted kids, I know that I am selfish, becouse of that if I never wanted. This is really confuse, why he should to be more important than me? Ia crazy, but I don't get it.

Ev - posted on 05/22/2015

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Then the man is your boyfriend/fiance and the child is not your step son as you are not yet legally married to his dad.
Its not his fault his parents could not make things work nor is it his fault his father picked you to date.
It sounds like it is court ordered visitation and so on so if he has to come see dad on weekends or a few weeks out of the summer and its at your house, you can not deny the father a visitation with his kid.
How can you sit there and say you hate a child? How can you blame things on a child that did nothing to you?
You knew going into this that he had a kid with someone else. This kid comes first because dad has a RESPONSIBLITY to this kid and apparently is taking care of him.
GET OFF your high horse and grow up! This child needs both his parents.

Rocknroll - posted on 05/22/2015

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I feel pity for that child. Please be afraid of God. God forbid if something happens to u and your OWN kids get treated in that same way ... what would you feel ? That child is in dire need of love when he says " I love you ".
people do charity, help orphan child. and here you are abusing your powers with helpless child . You will reap what you sow ... You feel guilty . Isn't ? Dont get angry seeing SS. He has not done anything wrong to you dear . Be little kind.

Sabrina - posted on 05/22/2015

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we are getting married in 2 months. I feel bad, but I'm not in control, everything is perfect but when ss is at home I can't stop the hate. Is a very powerful feeling... The kid has something wrong because even when he is the most kind kid that I met nobody wants to take care of him... his mother, grandmothers, nobody, now my bf is working weekends full time, I'm not going to spend my summer with a child that is not mine. Now my bf has a home and will have a family, never has a problem and is really happy... why the kid is more important than us? They are sobrevaluated... I just going to accept him 4 days per months at home... his mother will need to figurate what she does with the kids, both parents works every weekend, both grandmothers no wants to get involve... who is going to take care of the kid the full summer? Me? Is not fair and is not going to happen!

Raye - posted on 05/22/2015

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If you can't love the child, get out of the relationship with his father (you say boyfriend and husband, so I'm not sure which it is). They deserve to have someone that can be less selfish and help the child learn and grow. You should have a relationship with someone else that doesn't have kids and is more fitting the lifestyle you want to lead.

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