I have 4 boys and 2 nephews that are acting out

[deleted account] ( 1 mom has responded )

I am a working mother of 4 boys ages 2, 6,7,8 and 2 nephews 4 and 9. I recently went through a divorse and have been dating my boyfriend for a year. My boys love him, but they are acting out with me. They have never shown any bad actions over the divorse, but now they don't listen to me. One son is almost 2 and there isn't one time in the last few months that he has listened to me. He always listens to my boyfriend the first time. My other sons 6,7,8 are all acting out in normal ways most of the time. My 6 year old that I am adopting shows signs of neediness, I think because his Mom is not around and hasn't been for most of his life. He is very sweet and just shows signs that he needs more attention than the others. My 7 year old is only 4 months older and seems more mature in ways such as school and independence. He speaks to me like he is the adult and tells lies to his dad that I wake up late or sleep all day, when I actually am up before them and don't usually nap. He is very loving and likes to cuddle, but other times he thinks what I say is a joke. He has woken up at night and peed in his closet a couple times and once in my kitchen trash like he is sleep walking. I try to wake him but he doesn't really wake up, just goes back to bed. This is a span of a year. My 8 year old is so good and gets a lot of praise, and also has his own room. He is good in school and helps out a lot with my toddler. At times he can be very wynnie and cry at the drop of a hat. My nephew Zander is 9 and has adhd and is on meds but we don't usually give him his meds everyday at home. When he takes the meds he is a little more calm, but very mean. The teacher at school have got it in his head that they know when he hasn't got his meds for the day and have been told not to say that to him anymore, and that is no excuse to act out. He hits, yells, and is very manipulative towards the other boys almost constantly. I have always been hard on him and stick to punishments more than my twin sister. She wants to be his friend and his mom, but will never stick to my punishment. She is a working single mom that has her ex husband as her roommate. They are not dating each other, they say just friends, but I feel this is confusing to the boys. When he is around they listen a little more, but not for long. I have helped raise these boys, but I am the mean aunt. I don't want that title, I want them to want to come over and know they will have fun. When I say hard on him I mean that I yell at the top of my lungs and get in his face. I am not that person. I think I am the most loving person, but when I am around my kids I turn into mean mom, not always just half of the day. My other nephew is 4 and hasn't been diagnosed, but I am pretty sure he is also ADHD. Layne is a smiley little blondie that is very hyper, which I can handle, but he also gets into anything and everything. Layne and Isaac (2) are best friends. I can handle hyper, I cant handle him breaking everything he sees, with a smile on his face, or constantly yelling at him. I know some of what I am doing wrong, and my excuse is that there are so many of them, but I need help on how to help myself along the way. My sister and I love kids and can handle a lot of them. Its the fighting, manipulation and hurtful words that are waring me down. I have told my sister repeatedly that if she wants my help she needs to help me and stick to my punishments. I feel that a lot of my anger is that I have to play the roll and help her and she helps me sooo much, but sometimes I want to tell her that I don't want them around. Its also waring on my relationship with her and my boyfriend. How can I get all of us to get along, get the attention that is needed, and the emotional release that I feel I deserve. I want to be a fun nice mom and one my kids take seriously. O and my ex husband is in the picture. He works a lot, but he is a good dad. My kids never saw us fight, but they did see him drink. He was never mean to them and the boys like going to his house, with his mom lol, but I think him working a lot is getting to them. Gma is great, but old so not a lot of energy.

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 05/22/2015

13,264

21

2015

Addressing points from top to bottom:

"One son is almost 2 and there isn't one time in the last few months that he has listened to me. He always listens to my boyfriend the first time. My other sons 6,7,8 are all acting out in normal ways most of the time"~~He's only 2! His behaviour (not listening) is totally normal.
"My 7 year old is only 4 months older and seems more mature in ways such as school and independence. He speaks to me like he is the adult and tells lies to his dad that I wake up late or sleep all day, when I actually am up before them and don't usually nap. He is very loving and likes to cuddle, but other times he thinks what I say is a joke. He has woken up at night and peed in his closet a couple times and once in my kitchen trash like he is sleep walking. I try to wake him but he doesn't really wake up, just goes back to bed. This is a span of a year. My 8 year old is so good and gets a lot of praise, and also has his own room. He is good in school and helps out a lot with my toddler. At times he can be very wynnie and cry at the drop of a hat."~~ok, so far...yes, normal behaviours.
"My nephew Zander is 9 and has adhd and is on meds but we don't usually give him his meds everyday at home. When he takes the meds he is a little more calm, but very mean. The teacher at school have got it in his head that they know when he hasn't got his meds for the day and have been told not to say that to him anymore, and that is no excuse to act out. He hits, yells, and is very manipulative towards the other boys almost constantly."~~Ok, first: If you have a child with a medication managed condition, YOU MUST ADMINISTER THE MEDS AS PRESCRIBED. Failure to do so reduces the medication's effectiveness, and can be considered a form of medical neglect. If you feel that the medication needs adjustment, SPEAK WITH YOUR PEDIATRICIAN, rather than making a decision on your own. Of course the kid's condition is not managed: YOU are not managing it correctly.
" I have always been hard on him and stick to punishments more than my twin sister. She wants to be his friend and his mom, but will never stick to my punishment. "~Um...Who has custody of this child, legally? You, or your sister? No wonder the kid is confused.
"When I say hard on him I mean that I yell at the top of my lungs and get in his face. I am not that person. I think I am the most loving person, but when I am around my kids I turn into mean mom, not always just half of the day. "~~Your children will never respond well to your method. You, perhaps, could benefit from some parenting classes teaching appropriate methods of handling children, and (were I your sister) I'd keep my kids away until you did so.
"My other nephew is 4 and hasn't been diagnosed, but I am pretty sure he is also ADHD" Ah, again with the self diagnosis...
"I can handle hyper, I cant handle him breaking everything he sees, with a smile on his face, or constantly yelling at him. I know some of what I am doing wrong, and my excuse is that there are so many of them, "~Again,. 4 YO children will test boundaries...and he's winning. You're yelling and getting nowhere. Parenting classes can help with that.

1 Comment

View replies by

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms