I have a 22 year old daughter who had a child 3 years ago. He is my pride and joy I am his main caregiver since birth.I understand she is a young mom but to leave him for hours sometimes day with out a call is wrong. She leaves all the time and does nothing but smoke weed. She is not in school or is not doing anything to benefit her son or her self. She is not a mother to her child and is out for her self only, father is not in the picture. Help advice...


♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 01/30/2013




Well, at 22, she is not "young", at least she's not a teenager.

It is not uncommon for kids to not hear from their parents during a day. When my kids were that age, I had to work. I couldn't stop and call them every hour to check up on them with their caregivers, nor did the caregivers want me to. So, I guess I don't see the problem with bringing your child to the caregiver (whether it's grandma or a center) and not contacting them again until it is time to pick up. It's fairly common.

Are you asking that she call to "check in" with you on a schedule? Are you trying to use that to possibly control her movements and get her to stop with the destructive behaviour that you describe? Or do you just think that she's neglecting your grandchild because she doesn't check up on him?

If you have given her the impression that she can leave the baby (now toddler) with you, and you won't mind, you'd love to be his caregiver, etc, then she's just doing what you've basically gotten her used to doing! I can't speak to the alleged use of cannabis, but unless you've actually witnessed the action, you really don't know for sure what she does do when away.

Only you can change the pattern, though. If it bothers you that you are caring for your grandchild, and providing primary financial support to both your daughter and grandchild, then you need to straighten your daughter out. Help her get a job. Help her understand that you are not a 24 hour parent to this child, and she needs to live up to the responsibility of being a mother. Alternatively, you could discuss with her the possibility of her signing away her parental rights to you, and you would then have full rights and responsibility for the child.

Or, you could call family services on her (if you have solid proof of any illegal activity) and have them investigate the case for removal of the child into your temporary custody.

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