I have a 5 year old daughter and I thought that as she got older the whining and crying would stop? At what age does this action usually taper off. I don't know what to do anymore.

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Gina - posted on 02/03/2009

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I am dealing with the same problem only my daughter just turned 8. It has gotten really bad in the last year or so. She cries & pitches a fit over anything. It drives me crazy!! Most people say to just walk away & ignore her and that's what I do but it doesn't seem to get any better. I am so frustrated and feel like I spend most of my evenings fussing at her. If you find something that works, please let me know.

Melinda - posted on 02/03/2009

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Thanks to all who responded. I am glad I am not the only one with this problem. My child is  loved , hugged and kissed all the time. We tell her how lucky we are to have her as our daughter and that she is the greatest. I am not able to stop working because our family depends on both mom and dad having a job. I have cut back my hours hoping this will help. We tell her all the time that we love her. Again, thank you to all of the advice. God bless.

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User - posted on 09/28/2013

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I like Abegail's response. It's much better than the "ignore and walk away" method, I think. I think it's good for parent's to act the way we want our kids to act. Maybe that's why they start ignoring us when they are teens? I don't know. My kids are little (that's what led me to this post). But maybe, if we address things that are bothering us right away, things would be different. Our kids would be different. In a better way.

Abegail - posted on 02/03/2009

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Hi Melinda.  We don't let our daughter whine or throw tantrums.  What I mean by "let" is we deal with it right away.  We pick her up right away and ask what she needs/ wants.  We talk to her so much and spend so much time communicating to her.  When she tells us what she wants and we say she can't have it she cries which she's allowed to do, I don't want her to be a robot.  But she is not allowed to whine and throw tantrums.  We hug her and tell her it's for her own good and that we love her.  The key is to not let them think it's proper behaviour.  You have to deal with it right a way.  I hope this helps a little.

Tina - posted on 02/03/2009

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Sorry - I have to reconfirm what everyone is saying...It really doesn't stop. I have a 10-year old, middle child. He just got in trouble again last night because I think that he has forgotten how to ask a question without it sounding like a whine. My oldest - 17 - pretty much stopped when he started school, but I'm finding that was not the norm. Even my youngest doesn't whine - she just freaks out when she doesn't get her way.



I haven't confirmed this, but my theory is that it ties to sleep. My middle one is the one that is the last to go to sleep and the first to get up. I know that I am cranky when I'm tired - and i think he is always tired!!! Good Luck!!

Betty - posted on 02/03/2009

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I have to say that I am a little confused at this. 



When my son (now 10) tried to start the whole crying, whining thing years and years ago I told him in no uncertain terms that this kind of behavior is not tolerated.  He tried maybe three times with the same reaction from me all three times.  Since then, he doesn't whine or cry about wanting anything; he talks to me about why he would want something or need something and we discuss it. 



You are the PARENT - the one that is supposed to be in charge.  Why are you letting them run things?

Karen - posted on 02/03/2009

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"NEVER !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"   lol i have a 17 year old and a 20year old and they stilllllll whine alll the time .........but itseasier to ignore at their age GOOD LUCK  : )

Shanel - posted on 02/03/2009

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Gosh, How I feel your pain! I have two boys, 7 and 4, and .. if the 4 year old was born first..there NEVER would have been another! He still whines and cries and I do feel your pain..I find when I ignore him long enough and tell him when he can act like a big boy and speak to me instead of whine then he may speak to me. That usually helps, Or if its early in the morning, I will make him go in his room, in his bed and tell him when him he needs to go back to sleep and when he can behave....(he can talk and interact with the family)...he will usually go in and cry for 15 min or so..and either..fall asleep or come out and apologize and want to play nice. I think if you just ignore it long enough...it will go away....The only reason it really shouldn't is if she is in a new enviornment..ie...home, school...you are recently seperated..then its a little more excusable... Just breathe!!! ;)

Paulette - posted on 02/03/2009

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I find that the whining and crying is different when they are anxious and when they just want something. That is when you need discern the difference. Of course, when things are stressing them out it is a time to sit down with them and talk and/or draw pictures depending on age. That way you can get the whole picture as to what is the problem.

Somer - posted on 02/03/2009

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You have to first ask yourself is why she is acting out. Is this new behavior? Has she experienced any new stressors in her life such as new school, new teachers, new sibling, change in family routine?  Are you working? if so are your hours longer? Family member or sibling illness? Anything out of the ordinary? Most often young children act out by crying, displaying anxious behaviors etc. This is how children show that they are stressed.



 

Gretta - posted on 02/03/2009

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I have a 5 year old & 14 year old daughter. I find at this time when the teeth are going to start falling out they are regressing a bit.  of course the older they get the more you can not be a part of their disappointment and they learn the whining and crying doesn't change anything... until they become teenagers and then everything you've taught them goes out the window.

Angela - posted on 02/03/2009

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I have a daughter who is about to be 8 next month, the whining has tapered off finally. However the begging and crying over nonsense has increased. Also, she has reverted to a lot of baby talk. I have to constantly remind her not to do it. So That particular habit may taper off, but another one will replace it and it may be even worse of a habit! Like talking back and ignoring- that is the one that I am currently starting to experience. So count your blessings and keep reminding yourself "This to shall pass!"

Paulette - posted on 02/03/2009

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Hi Melinda, At what age does it slow down or stop. lol Never. They all try using it to manipulate us parents into giving them what they want. My suggestion is to ignore and walk away plus keep busy....when they start whining and crying. Try to consistently do this and not to give in. I know it won't be easy at first but it will greatly reduce these actions from her. I hope this helps...take care.

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