I have a 5 year old daughter. She doesn't listen to me, she screams at me and talks to me without any kind of respect. I'm desperate, I need advices on what to do?


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Joanne - posted on 08/22/2013




There's a lot of opinions on raising children. Some that I've read I've liked but then some that I didn't like. I just wanted to make a comment here on one simple fact.
No matter what you do or say to your child, remember this: Your child is a person who has feelings just like an adult. The child's emotional process is the same as an adult -- meaning that a child gets embarrassed and may feel ridiculed just like we do. Keep this in mind when your child does something you don't like. Treat him kindly and be polite and explain why whatever they did was not okay but make sure they understand you or you'll get a replay of what happened again. And don't yell at him just because you are in a bad mood. Get more certainty on how you raise a child by going on to this new website. They have short stories on real kids and parents that may help you with your child. Visit http://www.truekidsstories.org Hugs to everyone!

Ariana - posted on 01/22/2013




Sit her down and tell her she is not to scream or yell at you anymore. If she is angry she is allowed to tell you "I'm really mad!" but she isn't allowed to yell at you. If she yells give her one warning to stop and if she continues send her to her room. If she refuses to go bring her there, without talking to her, and put her in there. If she continues to try to leave hold the door closed until she calms down. Do NOT talk to her at all during this time.

If her room is a 'fun' area where she won't mind being put her into a smaller/more boring room like the bathroom. After she's calmed down she can come out, apologize, and clean up if she's made a mess somehow.

The main point is to not react or yell back at her, simply explain what's going to happen and remain calm throughout the whole thing.

For other situations try to use different tactics if possible. So if you need her to do something, or you need to go somewhere, try to give her a 10, 5, 3 and 1 minute warning. So instead of saying, go clean that up, or we have to go, say in 10 minutes you're going to clean up, you've got 5 more minutes etc. Possibly put on a timer so she knows it's not you deciding but an actual time. Some kids don't transition very easily and springing things on them makes them dig in their heels.

You want to try to be flexible, but consistant. So yelling at you is not allowed, it will result in her being told to go to her room. But if there's a way to make whatever you're asking her to do easier go with it.

For example my son has recently started screaming on and on if he's in a bad mood about how he can't take his boots off and put them away on his own (I have no idea why). I would tell him to stay over there until he's ready to do it. Eventually he yelled HOLD MY HAND and so I came over and held his hand while he took off his boots and stayed and watched while he put them away. I could have gone no do it yourself, but he'd sort of come to a 'compromise' of he'll get the boots off and put away himself if I hold his hand and watch him.

If you can incorporate things like that into tasks (if possible) it can make things easier. So if you want her to clean up you can ask her how can I make this easier for you? Or is there something I could do? My son likes when I sing the 'clean up' song. It's something simple that can get them from refusing to budge to convincing them to do it.

That being said it only works if he knows I'm going to be consistant. Try to make a plan for what you're going to do if your child refuses to listen to you. If you aren't willing to get the child to do what you want, or you're to tired to carry it out, don't make it a rule (or make yourself get the energy). So if you ask them to clean up, but you don't have a plan for what is going to happen if she doesn't, or you are to tired to follow through don't ask or you're setting yourself up for failure. Try to make requests you are certain you're able to either get her to do or willing to have a consequence for if she refuses. That way she starts to realize I can't not listen to mom because every time she will give me a consequence or eventually I will end up doing it.

Oh and try to be positive and give her praise when she does listen or is being good. Don't talk in front of her about how 'she never listens' etc. I'm not saying you do but I've seen people I know, who Igenerally consider smart people, talk about how oh my daughter never listens, and the kids RIGHT THERE. Even if it's true only speak about the positives near them or about them (unless of course in the situation, you obviously can tell them what they've done wrong if it just happened but after a consequence has been given or the moments past don't hold onto it). Try to praise her when she handles a frustration without yelling at you or listens to you the first time you ask. It can really help.

Hope some of that helps.

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