I have a 5 year old who likes to constantly argue and will not reason.

Deena - posted on 09/27/2012 ( 5 moms have responded )

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This is how my morning went today. My 5 year old daughter asked for some breakfast. Once I gave her some cereal, she asked if she can eat it in the lazy boy. I told her no, that cereal can spill easily and that she had to eat it at the kitchen table or I would let her sit on her stool and eat it on the coffee table. This caused her to go into a fit. She then told me that she was not going to eat the cereal and that every time I poured her some, she was going to throw it in the trash and that when we ran out of cereal, and I went to get more at the store, she would throw that away also. She continued to argue like this and I continued to talk to her in a calm voice and told her that she just would not get any cereal anymore. I also asked her why she was so angry. She refused to answer me and ignored me. She then asked if she could sit at the coffee table. I told her she could. She started arguing telling me that I am not going to let her sit at the coffee table. I told her again that she could and that I told her before that she could. She told me I didn't and that I am lying. At this point, I am starting to get frustrated, so I told her as calmly as possible that I was not going to argue with her. Then the conversation went like this:

Bella: Mom?

Me: Yes?

Bella: Mom?

Me: What?

Bella: Mom?

Me: I said what?!

Bella: YOU ARE NOT ANSWERING ME!!!! (Yelling)

Me: I did answer you.

Bella: NO YOU DIDN'T

Me: What did you want to ask?

Bella: Mom?

Me: What do you need?

Bella: WHY AREN'T YOU ANSWERING ME????



At this point I told her that I had to get ready for work. As I am getting ready for work she starts ripping up paper and throwing it across the room. I sent her to her room where she screamed and cried for at least 10 minutes. I told her when she was done being upset she could come out and talk. When she did come out of her room. She was calm and apologetic for being "bad".



This happens at least a few times a week. I have tried yelling, being calm, etc when these outbursts happen. I might add that my husband and I run a business and in addition to us working during the week, sometimes we have to work weekends. Sometimes I bring her with me and other times family members baby sit. I don't know if this behavior is to just get attention, or if there is some other underlying problem. Is anyone else going through this?

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Katherine - posted on 09/27/2012

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The things kids say. My daughter was perfectly fine in public too. An angel. I couldn't figure it out!

Gwen - posted on 09/27/2012

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I've been trying really hard lately to remind my daughter that even when I'm upset with her, I love her NO MATTER WHAT. I've also been trying really hard to use phrases like 'your behavior is bad' instead of 'you are bad'. This came about after a conversation we had one day when she told my that God didn't love her. I asked "Why wouldn't God love you?" and she said "Because I'm bad."

Needless to say, that just about broke my heart!

Gwen - posted on 09/27/2012

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I usually tell my daughter (who sounds much like yours!) "You have my answer. Don't ask again." and then try to walk away. Don't let her keep reengaging you in the debate. Or, I tell her "You can kick and scream all you want, it will NOT change my answer." Sounds like attention-getting to me. Just try to be firm and stick to your answer. You told her you were not going to argue, but then responded to her 6 more times according to the above conversation.



It is HARD, I know, and I blow it on a regular basis...As long as she is well-behaved in public, school, etc. remind yourself that at least SOMETHING you say or do is getting through to her. :)

Katherine - posted on 09/27/2012

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Oh geez. Sounds like typical 5 year old behavior. My daughter's were sassy too, and sadly it get's worse :/ Well not daughter's one is 3.5 and the other is 7. My oldest is VERY sassy. She went through the whole phase of being obnoxious at 5 too. The only thing I can say is that maybe you can do something alone with her during the week or on the weekend for an hour. That helped me. Then she felt like I was giving her attention.

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Deena - posted on 09/27/2012

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She is a perfect child in public or when we are at someone's house. People don't believe me when I tell them the problems I am having. She is respectful and sweet when we are around other people.

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