I have a child that hits me what can i do?

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Jennifer - posted on 04/05/2009

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Try a book called "the explosive child".  The book is exactly about that. 

Christie - posted on 04/11/2009

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You must get her and yourself counseling. You can not hit her back, that is not teaching anything but what it is. It is hard to argue with someone who will not argue back. Please get professional help.

Carol - posted on 04/07/2009

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hi i have the same situation as u but even though she is 15 she started hiting me when she was 4 its so hard to walk away  and not hit back but try and have some time alone time togther i know what u athinking and that is its not going to work i tryed everything with jess  but nothing worked a child who hits out can b a child who is asking for help i found that when jess found things dificult to cope with thats when i would get hurt she has held a knife at my throut  and the  usual hiting out  but in the last 2 yrs shes bn brilliant always keep 2 ur boundries and even it might brake your hart 2 do this everytime she hits u and makes u feel frightened and i know u do u have to get the police to remove her from ur home i have done this after yrs of abuse from my girl tryed to get help and there is nothing out there for kids like jess . but there is a light at the end of the tunnel cause jess hasnt hit me for over a yr shes tryed to stay out etc but she always knows the police will come and get her  she nows comes home that we have both agreed on and let her talk openly even if its makeing ur blood boil and give advice when she asks for it  , my hart gos out to u and ur family but never think ur a bad mother  cause u a not make sure ur the boss not her well i hope this helps and good luck

Quinetta - posted on 04/07/2009

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Personally, I agree with the lady who said she'll smack her back. I would knock my daughter into next week. She might be missing some teeth and her sense. The behavior didn't just start at 15. She has been leading up to this. Everyone is saying don't hit her back. I'm sorry, I would really knock the H*!! out of her. If you don't do some drastic the abuse WILL continue. As much as you have done for her in her life and she pays you back by hitting you. Oh my!!! I'm not sure how many of you on here believes in the Bible but Prov 13:24 says "He who spares the rod HATES the child, but HE who loves him is careful to discipline."  She will continue to disrespect you, if you continue to walk away. You MUST do something drastic that she isn't used to you doing. That's why she's following you hitting her because that's what she expects you to do.

Derith - posted on 04/05/2009

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My friend called the police on her son. He wasn't so tough when the cop took him to our juvy detention to show him where kids who hit their mom's go...

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Amanda - posted on 04/14/2009

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I think people on here are taking spanking in the wrong way. SPANKING A CHILD IS NOT ABUSE.



BEATING A CHILD BLOODY, GIVING BLACK EYES, LEAVING BRUSIES. THAT IS ABUSE.



In my opinion stern discipline is much needed in kids. If you want your kids to grow up and respect you and not hit you. Then you better take charge early on and show them who is the parent.

[deleted account]

hi hun this behaviour from both of ure boys need to stop i have a 5 year old that can be aggressive to his brothers and i introduced the naughty step and brought an egg timer , and wen he lashes out he is put on the step for 5 minutes and he gets to hold the egg timer im a big believer of 1 minute for evry year of their lives and wen his time is up he has to explain y he done it and say how sorry he is to the person he hits i have had this in place for 2 months now and it is working but the thing is consistency and repetition its really hard work but it is rewarding wen u see it working just hold in their chick and u will get the repect from ure boys u very much deserve . x x

Mel - posted on 04/12/2009

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i was abused to Lucy for 5 years not physically that bad i just meant sexually and emotionally and i hated it but it made me who i am today. yes i do agree with hitting kids because its in my blood but i also love my daughter so much and try to be affectionate and all with her.

Two-b - posted on 04/12/2009

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I would of had to defend myself, then called the police...sorry but no kid that I've birthed will ever raise a hand to me.

Thats how I was raised and Im sticking to it! Take me to jail.

*I havent had this problem -Thank God-I have some wellmannered respectful kids-because I raised them with morals and talking back and hitting is a no-no. I brought them in this world----u know the rest. Nip that in the bud NOW!!

Lucy - posted on 04/12/2009

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Quoting Gabrielle:



Quoting Kimbley:

depending on the age now if their older enough to know better then u better stop it now cuz it can lead to him or her trying to fight u but i would pop him or her and explain to them why i popped them always explain to them y they got popped and never wait til later on to punish them do it as so as they do something wrong.






I know it's not a laughing matter but I'm chuckling as I agree with Kimberly. My daughter is 2 years old and I'm a firm believer in spanking. Everyone now is so scared of touching their child. But you have to instill disipline and respect some how. Common sense...you teach your child at a young age that you can hit harder than she can I guarentee that when she is older no matter if your 5 feet tall and she out weighs you by 30 lbs she's not going to raise a hand to you! It's all about follow through though. Like Kimberly says...punish the child with the problem and ...follow though. Empty threats don't help.





Can i just add one thing and that i thought spanking is something that prostitutes do to customers, but by the by u dont have to hit ur kids 2 tow them in line and give them a lesson on violence, there must be something wrong in the first place if ur child raises their hand 2 u, it is certainly not about making them that scared of u that they darent even fart, or say boo think i would of failed as a parent if my child was scared to death of me, parenting is and always has been about bringing an offspring into this world and doing your uttermost to give and care for that individual in a loving caring way can i ask how u can hit something that you love supposedly with all your heart x x



 

Lucy - posted on 04/12/2009

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Quoting Melissa:

im agreed with Quinnetta, Tamara, Amanda and Gabrielle, i assume Quinnetta that you were talking about me when u said you agreed with the lady that said smack her back but honestly its the only way to sort the problem. ill tell you something my cousin is 37 with 6 kids and has had many many foster kids, her kids range between ages 20 oldest to 3 youngest, she has always hit her kids to bring them back into line and we all love her to bits I lived under her roof at 17 for only one week i admit i couldnt hack the tough punishments but I love her she is the best parent out there and at the end of the day sorry for the language but if you fuck up or lie to her you pay the consequences and she protects her family to the end and would do anything for us. those who say otherwise I personally believe how watched to much tv or are living in a fairy tale land. anyway point is i use dto hit my mother and push her with my cousin i wouldnt dare because i know how hard i would have got hit back. so if you put your kid into line from an early age they know whose boss and know the rules. good luck hun!


Can i say that i was under the impression that smacking, popping or hitting a child is against the law and a form of physical and mental abuse that you can go to prison for and after being a victim of domestic violence for 10 years is taunting, horrific and something that leaves a disturbing mental image in your mind for a long long time. If you abuse your children in this way i am certain that when they grow up they will believe that violence is the answer to everything including the husband or wife that were in the wrong place at the wrong time, smacking is illegal 4 a reason, hence what happened to baby p. You can be an amazing parent and always do right by your children but it is abuse and seriously would you let your child play with the pedo who lives down the road? That is just another form of illegal abuse that carries a long jail sentance, everyone is intitled to do what they believe is right by their own but in my eyes violence solves nothing only creates a horrible evil world, and nowadays their are all sorts of help groups who can offer advice and help on correct discipline surely being a parent is always about doing right by your kids whether biological, adoptive or fostered if there are now other routes rather than a good hiding surely doing right by your children would be to have some alternative methods of teaching to prevent hurting kids. And i certainly would not like my kids being fostered by someone who uses violence as an answer to discipline, dont think social services would allow children to be fostered their either, most foster kids r in care because of these forms of abuse and want a better life away from all that. Am not doubting anybodys parenting skills by the way no one is perfect and we all make mistakes in our learning life experiences, but so many children accidently get a broken rib due to an adult who doesnt know their own strength, this is something that is unneccessary in parenting nowadays and i strongly detest this method of discipline especially after being the punch bag in what was supposed to be a loving, caring relationship, i certainly do not want my children to think smacking whether young or old is acceptable and the right thing to do. However in certain situations such as a random attack in which self defence may be necessary if your life is in danger then of course needs must , and children can be taught about the rights and wrongs of hitting another person, also the consequences but also when it is acceptable to use violence as a method of self defence.

Jennifer - posted on 04/11/2009

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grab the hand and guide them to time out. I minute for each year of age and 1 extra minute after the age of 2.

Linda - posted on 04/11/2009

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Talk to the teenager, find out if she is taking drugs, drinking, just broken up with her boyfriend. Did she always hit you? Have her see a counsellor. All else fails call the police. And don't hit her back because then you will be charged.

For a younger child...time out, grounding etc.

Chris - posted on 04/11/2009

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I have a 10 yr old that will hit, bite and anything else to me.  I am told just to hug her and tell her I love her.  She is in couseling and sometimes it seems to help but other times it does not seem to do anything for her.  I know that my ex husband fuels this fire.

Natacha - posted on 04/11/2009

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Quoting Pauline:

I have a child that hits me what can i do?

pauline read



 



Hi- I'm wondering if you're into the "time outs"- I do it by age- my older one is 4 so he stays 4 min- my younger one is 2 so he stays for 2 min. I usually give them 2 warnings without telling them what's coming after 2 warnings & then it's time out. However if one of them intentionally hurts another- there's no warnings it's straight to time out- explaning why of course I put him there- after their time- I ask why (to the older one) why I put him there & what he should do next.(apologies etc..) If he still doesn't know why - he stays for another minute to think about it. My younger one (2)- I explain to him why he was there when I take him out-kisses, hugs.. etc..



Hope it helps!



Natacha



 





 

Mel - posted on 04/11/2009

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im agreed with Quinnetta, Tamara, Amanda and Gabrielle, i assume Quinnetta that you were talking about me when u said you agreed with the lady that said smack her back but honestly its the only way to sort the problem. ill tell you something my cousin is 37 with 6 kids and has had many many foster kids, her kids range between ages 20 oldest to 3 youngest, she has always hit her kids to bring them back into line and we all love her to bits I lived under her roof at 17 for only one week i admit i couldnt hack the tough punishments but I love her she is the best parent out there and at the end of the day sorry for the language but if you fuck up or lie to her you pay the consequences and she protects her family to the end and would do anything for us. those who say otherwise I personally believe how watched to much tv or are living in a fairy tale land. anyway point is i use dto hit my mother and push her with my cousin i wouldnt dare because i know how hard i would have got hit back. so if you put your kid into line from an early age they know whose boss and know the rules. good luck hun!

Gabrielle - posted on 04/10/2009

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Quoting Kimbley:

depending on the age now if their older enough to know better then u better stop it now cuz it can lead to him or her trying to fight u but i would pop him or her and explain to them why i popped them always explain to them y they got popped and never wait til later on to punish them do it as so as they do something wrong.



I know it's not a laughing matter but I'm chuckling as I agree with Kimberly. My daughter is 2 years old and I'm a firm believer in spanking. Everyone now is so scared of touching their child. But you have to instill disipline and respect some how. Common sense...you teach your child at a young age that you can hit harder than she can I guarentee that when she is older no matter if your 5 feet tall and she out weighs you by 30 lbs she's not going to raise a hand to you! It's all about follow through though. Like Kimberly says...punish the child with the problem and ...follow though. Empty threats don't help.

Stacey - posted on 04/10/2009

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ok at 15 years old, are you kidding me. I produced this child and I do not need the cops or the system to tell me that he is a "problem" child. I already know that. I will not be afraid of him, he will be afraid of me! You tell me, what is intervention going to do at this point? The warning signs may have been there when the child was 5 or 10 and they were missed. No, if my child attempts to hit me, I will treat him like a burgular who broke into my home and he will get it!

Stacey - posted on 04/10/2009

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ok let me make myself clear. I am not one for "Child Abuse" but if a child is hitting their parent, make if you beat them like they stole a dime from your pocketbook, they would get a clue that you are a bit crazy and they will definitely think twice about coming at you the wrong way next time. I personally would have him admitted to the ICU if you get my drift. but that is just me.

Terri - posted on 04/09/2009

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First of all I would have to say I feel sorry for you and your child. While you are a victim of Domestic Violence and is being ABUSED, there is obviously something inside the child that needs to be addressed by you as the parent. I have no idea what the circumstances are but walking away is a great bandaid for your problem. When my son was about 2yrs old and his communication skills were low ( I know because I had him tested), I had a behavioral therapist come to my house once a week to work with US. Before we worked with this man my son would throw horrible fits and tantrums and hit, kick, spit, punch, cry, scream and everything else. I was scared to leave him to be watched by anyone because he was out of control. To make a long story short... the therapist helped me realize that my son was lashing out due to a "short " in his communication skills and as they progressed so did his behavior. Now I'm not saying this is your solution nor you problem but I know as a parent who went through this at an early age.. it helped. Just to have your child evaluated could shed some light on what your problem may be before this persist into a way bigger problem. Domestic Violence is serious, even at an early age they learn hitting is ok...It's not. and I would hate to see you or your child get hurt.

Shannon - posted on 04/09/2009

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Call the police and put the fear into that child. When it comes to a 15 year old hitting his mother, its unacceptable. If this continues it could get worse, he could hit his girlfriend, or friends. Try taking things away and stick with it, no TV, no Cell phone, No friends over, but be firm and don't give in.

Amanda - posted on 04/09/2009

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Quoting Danielle:



What is this with "smack the crap out of her" and "knock the hell out of her"??? WHat is that teaching them??? I guess I missed something about how to teach, give and recieve respect. wow!!!!






I'm not saying beat your child bloody. Looks like to me the child has no respect for her mother. If you call hitting your mother who has done everything for you respect. Then maybe you do need to learn something. That's not respect. She is 15 and definitely knows right from wrong. Everyone teaches differently. In my opinion my 15 year old would get a smack for her actions. I have lots of respect for my parents. When I was bad I got a good smack.

Amanda - posted on 04/09/2009

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Quoting Danielle:



What is this with "smack the crap out of her" and "knock the hell out of her"??? WHat is that teaching them??? I guess I missed something about how to teach, give and recieve respect. wow!!!!






I'm not saying beat your child bloody. Looks like to me the child has no respect for her mother. If you call hitting your mother who has done everything for you respect. Then maybe you do need to learn something. That's not respect. She is 15 and definitely knows right from wrong. Everyone teaches differently. In my opinion my 15 year old would get a smack for her actions. I have lots of respect for my parents. When I was bad I got a good smack.

Amanda - posted on 04/09/2009

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Quoting Danielle:



What is this with "smack the crap out of her" and "knock the hell out of her"??? WHat is that teaching them??? I guess I missed something about how to teach, give and recieve respect. wow!!!!






I'm not saying beat your child bloody. Looks like to me the child has no respect for her mother. If you call hitting your mother who has done everything for you respect. Then maybe you do need to learn something. That's not respect. She is 15 and definitely knows right from wrong. Everyone teaches differently. In my opinion my 15 year old would get a smack for her actions. I have lots of respect for my parents. When I was bad I got a good smack.

Amanda - posted on 04/09/2009

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Quoting Danielle:



What is this with "smack the crap out of her" and "knock the hell out of her"??? WHat is that teaching them??? I guess I missed something about how to teach, give and recieve respect. wow!!!!






I'm not saying beat your child bloody. Looks like to me the child has no respect for her mother. If you call hitting your mother who has done everything for you respect. Then maybe you do need to learn something. That's not respect. She is 15 and definitely knows right from wrong. Everyone teaches differently. In my opinion my 15 year old would get a smack for her actions. I have lots of respect for my parents. When I was bad I got a good smack.

Amanda - posted on 04/09/2009

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Quoting Danielle:



What is this with "smack the crap out of her" and "knock the hell out of her"??? WHat is that teaching them??? I guess I missed something about how to teach, give and recieve respect. wow!!!!






I'm not saying beat your child bloody. Looks like to me the child has no respect for her mother. If you call hitting your mother who has done everything for you respect. Then maybe you do need to learn something. That's not respect. She is 15 and definitely knows right from wrong. Everyone teaches differently. In my opinion my 15 year old would get a smack for her actions. I have lots of respect for my parents. When I was bad I got a good smack.

Amanda - posted on 04/09/2009

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Quoting Danielle:



What is this with "smack the crap out of her" and "knock the hell out of her"??? WHat is that teaching them??? I guess I missed something about how to teach, give and recieve respect. wow!!!!






I'm not saying beat your child bloody. Looks like to me the child has no respect for her mother. If you call hitting your mother who has done everything for you respect. Then maybe you do need to learn something. That's not respect. She is 15 and definitely knows right from wrong. Everyone teaches differently. In my opinion my 15 year old would get a smack for her actions. I have lots of respect for my parents. When I was bad I got a good smack.

Amanda - posted on 04/09/2009

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Quoting Danielle:



What is this with "smack the crap out of her" and "knock the hell out of her"??? WHat is that teaching them??? I guess I missed something about how to teach, give and recieve respect. wow!!!!






I'm not saying beat your child bloody. Looks like to me the child has no respect for her mother. If you call hitting your mother who has done everything for you respect. Then maybe you do need to learn something. That's not respect. She is 15 and definitely knows right from wrong. Everyone teaches differently. In my opinion my 15 year old would get a smack for her actions. I have lots of respect for my parents. When I was bad I got a good smack.

Danielle - posted on 04/09/2009

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If you beat your child up becase they "took the first punch" and then cal the cops, you will both go to jail.....is that what you want? Same thing in domestic violence cases, if you fight back and even leave a scratch mark on your partner, he can call yo uon it, and the cops will haul both your butts to jail....go figure. So MAYBE, just MAYBE, smacking your kids around because they hit you isn't the answer after all. Call Nanny 911, get professional intervention.

Danielle - posted on 04/09/2009

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What is this with "smack the crap out of her" and "knock the hell out of her"??? WHat is that teaching them??? I guess I missed something about how to teach, give and recieve respect. wow!!!!

Danielle - posted on 04/09/2009

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What is this with "smack the crap out of her" and "knock the hell out of her"??? WHat is that teaching them??? I guess I missed something about how to teach, give and recieve respect. wow!!!!

Danielle - posted on 04/09/2009

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Actually, 911 is for life threatening situations/emergancies. While getting hit by your own child is definitly wrong and could be dangerous....it probably doesn't warrant a call to 911. Call the police station directly instead, or the troopers. Now, if they are threatening you with a knife, or a gun...then yes, call 911. but if they are not using any weapon...call the cops. follow through is the number one factor !! Reinforce what you say you will do, or they will never take you seriously.

Angela - posted on 04/09/2009

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sorry I don't agree If your teenage daughter is that old and choosing aggression to get her way I would have to say knock the hell out of her.Especially at her age she has a bad ass attitude and needs to be knocked off her high horse.If she is big enough to hit she is big enough to get hit.just be ready when you have had enough to give it all you got,you have to,let her take the first swing. After that whip her ass then call the cops,send her to jail, then therapy to let her know the only thing worth fighting for is your family not against them!!

Cherie - posted on 04/09/2009

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You have not said this, but does the child have a disability that contributes to thisbehavior? Is the child being aggressve because he is trying to communicate, or is it just being a teen that needs discipline? There is a difference, and the sooner tyou figure that out, the better.   

Amanda - posted on 04/09/2009

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I would smack the crap out of her. There is a difference between hitting and abusing. I got my butt spanked when I was little. I turned out just fine. You are the mother and she is the child.

Lesli - posted on 04/09/2009

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If your 15 year old is hitting you, she hasn't figured out who is really in charge Mom. While she knows that hitting you is wrong, she is choosing the behavior. Now that  you have decided to act against the behavior you need to have a conversation with her when all is calm. Let her know that the behavior is not acceptable under any circumstances. (I'm assuming you or other people are not hitting her.) You need to lay out the consequence of her behavior, start with yelling at you and graduate the punishment to fit the crime. The consequence should be serious enought to get her attention. What are her hot buttons? Cell phone, time with friends, TV, video games, overnights, etc. Whatever combination will make her understand that her bad behavior will result in more agony for her than it will for her. You have to then proceed to stick to it, no matter how sweet and crafty she becomes after her initial snit. Any behavior you deem unworthy of your child should be dealt with swifty and with regularity. You shouldn't have to yell at her, just calmly state, "I'm sorry, but as you know, since you've chosen to yell/disobey/hit me you no longer have access or priviege to ______." You need to know in advance what that go to hot button is and for how long. Once she starts yelling at you, which I'm sure she does if she's hitting you, the best thing you can do is to REMAIN calm. Once you raise your voice or start trying to reason with her you've lost. Calmly tell her that if she cannot control herself she needs to go to her room, calm herself down, and then come to you for a conversation. If she doesn't then proceed to consequence number one. After a few times of losing out she will get the message.



     It is not unkind or uncaring. You should also be in the habit of asking your daughter to perform 'family' duties around the house. She should be able to do her own laundry by now, load and unload the dishwasher, vaccum, dust, etc., and generally help you around the house. Don't let her continue to manipulate the house and everyone in it. You can gain control here. If it gets really bad or there is an inability on her part to control herself, then the best thing you can do is to get her some counseling. I have not yet had to go so far as to take her bedroom door off and remove everything from her room except a bed and one change of clothes, but I would do it in a heartbeat if I thought it would help her understand she is here by the grace of God and my ovaries! :)



    Good luck.

Amber - posted on 04/09/2009

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She's 15? I thoght we were talking about a toddler here...you know what, I hit my mom ONCE when i was 15 or 16, she called the cops and I never did it again! Another, maybe you should consider counseling for her...what is making her so angry she wants to hit her own mother?

Sandra - posted on 04/09/2009

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If my fifteem year old hit me it I would immediatlet get the police involved and have a warrant out for her arrest. Then I would put her out of my house. She could not return until she agrees to gets some help. This would be a shock to her because that fact that she is hitting you says you have allowed her to cross the lines many, many times so you need to take drastic actions with her. I believe you need to get some professional help also because she only hits you because of what you have allowed her to do in the past. Sorry it is more your fault than hers.

Flo - posted on 04/08/2009

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do not get into a comfortation with them say what you mean and stick to it they will get tired if they have noone to argue with

Flo - posted on 04/08/2009

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go to your doctor and tell them whats happening get him assest for behaviour. get it done now explain that this is not ok and keep doing the time out. if you tell him you are going to do something( put in his room or he does not get something )make sure you stick to what you say very very inportant.

Tammy - posted on 04/08/2009

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I have talked with the police with my 17 yr old son he said do what you have to do to get and keep the in line he said the child will try to call the police on you but really there is nothing they can do unless you are abusing them. smaking across the face or hitting them to keep them in line is ok.

Mary - posted on 04/08/2009

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Give that child time out and after 5 minutes explain what s/he did wrong .. Tell s/he that they will get time out again if s/he keeping hitting you. Explain that hitting is wrong.

The child will think it's ok to hit you, when s/he gets older.

Patience - posted on 04/08/2009

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Continue to pray for the child without relenting GOD will surely touch the child and bring him or her to his or her senses at the appionted time.

Heather - posted on 04/08/2009

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She is way too old to be hitting you!
May be just her having a hard time dealing with her ever increasing emotions/hormones. If you guys are having a disagreement then try to stay calm. If you are yelling then it only feeds into her behavior. Make it clear to her that you want to have a rational conversation. Let her know what her circumstances will be if she hits you. Where is the father? There are a lot things that could be playing into the fact that she hits you.

Mae - posted on 04/08/2009

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if you daughter is over 10 she should know by now that is NOT OK...u need to send her to boot camp and get her help tell her if she can't respect you you'll send her somewhere else since obvioulsy your not being appreciated

Pauline - posted on 04/08/2009

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thank you 4 all ur advice i will use sum of ur advice and i will get back 2 u

Amanda - posted on 04/08/2009

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I agree with alot of the moms here. I am now 21. But when I was 16 and I got into trouble in took me going to juvy and getting the police called on me to straighten up...

[deleted account]

My son is 22 and my daughter is 19. The book that changed our family is 'Kids are Worth It" by Barbara Coloroso. She gives you insight into how to determine what punishment should fit the crime, how to reach the child and how to raise wonderful people who grow into amazing adults. My 2 kids are living proof of this. I hope you buy the book, is truly is worth it and so is you 15 year old child. Do not give up hope and i hope if you buy the book you let me know how it helps.

[deleted account]

My daughter is 19 and my son is 22. It is never too late start the appropriate discipline and the only book that got me through their upbringing was "Kids are Worth It" by Barbara Coloroso. Her book changed our family and helped me to think a different way. i cannot stress this enough and I hope you buy it. Basically the punishment has to fit the crime, and she helps you understand how to reach your children and help them to understand.

Stacie - posted on 04/08/2009

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don't hit him back, but you take 'control' give your child timeout... and tell your child firmly who is boss... depending on the age though, nothing ever hurt a tap on the hand and a firm NO.

Alison - posted on 04/08/2009

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Even though I haven't reall all the replies, I am shocked at the amount of people that say to call the police! If they expect you to stand up to your daughter, calling the police is sending the message that you, the mother, are not ultimately in control. How about just taking something away!? Good old grounding! She's 15, she loves her possessions. Tell her the consequences if she hits you, when it happens follow through.

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