i have a delema last thanksgiving my 30 yr old daughter passed away and left behind 6 small children that we got custody of every yr i have had all holidays for my parents siblings with my kids and grandkids. last thanksgiving they asked if i was having dinner ( thanksgiving was 4 days after) no one offered to hold it for me or invite me over. this yr they all snuck behind my back and made plans to go to my sisters on the other side of the state with out asking what we were doing, now for christmas my sister says she would have dinner but she just cant handle all the kids!!! is it me or should i cut off all holiday dinners with my siblings and parents? these kids are now my kids

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Dawn - posted on 12/28/2011

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First of all I bow down to your remarkable ability to keep these children within the spirit of the holiday! WIthin your presence is something they will never forget and the way you handle things is a future taking on their part. A particular day such as Christmas or Thanksgiving is over processed its the dinners you have everyday that make up the happiness of their lives. Take every moment in your heart because it is you that gave birth to their mother - Not your sister or parents. Happiness of the heart and a powerful, strong, confident grandmother goes a long way. As for your family your grandchildren, once they have that connection with you, feel your pain. They will make their own decisions without your family requesting any blind side they might have done in the past. Your are the strong one and your future looks bright even without that holiday tag that is now dim:) You make me smile!!!!

Nancy - posted on 12/26/2011

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thanks everyone for your input i forgot to mention that i have been hosting all holiday dinners for the past 20 years., and i hosted last christmas even though it had only been a couple weeks since my daughters death. maybe thats why part of it has upset me so much. found out they all were making plans for christmas to go to my brothers all but this house was invited l didnt realize they did that last year also, go figure) well thurs my mom called and i lost it over the phone, i guess one is shes the matriarc she should have told the siblings they were doing wrong by me, any how i said things that were built up since last year. and said from now on i will not be hosting any more holiday parties that if i dont stick up for these children who are basically orphans then who will. (dads are in jail and i know of no other realitives) and that these kids are now mine and that hurts me as well as them!!! kids didnt care that they all were not here but i have to say it hurt and it was different and rather quiet but we got threw it just sad that others are more accepting than your own family thanks again everyone for your input..wish my daughter was still here with us but her children lives in them miss her so much eveyday not just not the holidays




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Christy - posted on 12/25/2011

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Offer to have it at your house and have people bring a side dish. Screw that about "she can't handle all the kids" She's their aunt, for crying our loud!

Sherri - posted on 12/22/2011

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I am so sorry for your loss. I can't fathom your loss. However, with that being said I can honestly see both sides. Yes you are raising your grandchildren but six extra for Thanksgiving or Christmas is sooo much for relatives. So I commend you for doing such a great job and would just invite everyone to you, if they opt not to come then have amazing new memories with new traditions.

Donna - posted on 12/22/2011

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Hey Nancy , I am so sorry about your loss. I think you have done a really great thing taking in your grandkids. and I would make my own memories with the kids and if your sibs and parents can't accept the kids , then you and the kids don't need the stress. The kids are their family too. God Bless you . Happy Holidays.

Beth - posted on 12/22/2011

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sorry for your loss but i think they should have respect concidering u lost a child of yours and your the closes those children has to there mother if they can't stand all the the children then they don't need to come to family dinners

Amy - posted on 12/22/2011

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First of all I'm so sorry for your loss, I think it's really great what you're doing for your grand kids. I'm not making excuses for your family but maybe last year they just didn't know how to handle thanksgiving and maybe they assumed you wouldn't want to celebrate. However this year is a whole different story, it's insensitive and wrong to say you can attend but not the children. It's not like their dogs and you can just leave them home. I think you should just plan on doing holidays with you and the kids invite them over but don't expect them to come. Start new traditions for the little ones and let them know how much they are loved.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 12/22/2011

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Wow, Nancy! Sounds like my side of the family here. Were it me, I'd start making good memories for those kids, and your parents and sibs can do their own thing.

I think it's pretty insensitive for them to act like a bunch of babies about having extra kids around, ESPECIALLY ones that are family to begin with!

Bless you for taking your grandkids! And, I am so sorry for your loss! But you sound like a very loving, caring parent, and those kids don't need any more stress.

Happy holidays!

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