I have a grandaughter who my husband and I are raising since birth, we also are raising her younger sister. Both are incredibly smart, beautiful, and loving. The oldest who is 8 has been having huge temper tantrums when ever it is time to leave when she has had fun there. She also throws fits at church and in our home. The anger usually is pointed at me and she has been known to throw things at me and hit me. I talk calmly to her and try to reason with her but it doesnt seem to help. Has anyone elso had this problem? What did you do when the tantrum was happening and what didi you do afterward?
my sister did this tantrum thing growing up and wouldn't stop. my grandmother put a cold rag on her face a couple of times and the tantrums stopped.
As for the violent actions, she's 8 and throwing things, i think she needs to be punished and shown that she cannot do this. You are talking to her and she is still acting this way. Has she gone somewhere else or being around someone different? If so, she could have picked this off of someone or somewhere she has been. Or maybe another child she has been acting this way to her. If she has encountered someone else doing this or has this done to her, then she needs not to be around that one. If not, then she needs to be punished. Like take something from her that she likes. sit her in the corner, make her sit on a chair or you may have to spank her. but not meanly of course. Children picks up alot of things and also tests the parents or grandparents to see what they are going to do. to see if they will get away with things.
Dove - posted on 05/21/2012
Has she always had this violent temper or is it something recent?
In addition to giving a warning for upcoming transitions I would be giving consequences for the violent behavior. Perhaps taking things away (especially if she's throwing things), doing extra chores, or something else that seems relevant to the specific incident. If this is a fairly recent behavior I would seriously consider counseling. Anger is normal, but it needs to be expressed in an appropriate way. A counselor can help find out if there are underlying issues to this aggression and help her learn better coping strategies.
I do have a little experience in dealing with a violent temper, but it's not nearly as severe as you are describing and it's with a 4 year old.
With both girls, give them a warning that you are leaving in x minutes, then again a bit later so that they can start preparing themselves mentally to leave. Then let them know that they've been really well behaved, say thank you and bye to the appropriate person/people then go.
When you can start seeing the tantrum come on, start distracting her. Start preparing her mentally for what is going to happen next at home - could she help prepare the meal or something else deemed 'useful'. Also when it starts, let her know that she has a choice - she can stop the tantrum right there or then or x will happen (privlege or time out etc). Then praise when she calms down or follow through with whatever the threat was for not calming down.
Is she aware that you and your husband are her grandparents rather than her parents? If so, I'm wondering if this could be some frustration about her situation coming out. Talk to her and let her know that she is much loved. and if there is anything that she would like to talk about, including her upbringing. (I'm not judging and I know several grandparents who bring up their grandchild(ren) and the children are open about their situation.)
Certainly by giving clear warnings that the session that you're doing (Church etc) is coming to an end and its almost time to move onto the next thing, should help. Also let her know that having temper tantrums, throwing/hitting out aren't acceptable and give the appropriate discipline - found with my daughters that time outs are brilliant as that gives them a chance to calm down and reflect on their behaviour.
An additional thing - if she finds that she gets stressed when it's a transistion point, look at giving her coping strategies so that she knows that it is time to move onto another activity.
Michelle - posted on 05/20/2012
My oldest son would do the same. I found I had to give him a count down instead of just saying we're going now. Let her know that in 10mins you are leaving, then again at 5 mins and so on. It gives them warning and also allows them time to finish what they are doing.
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