i have a nephew that is 5 years old and we tryed everything to get him to stop pooping in his pants. hes in preschool and he wont get up and go poop in school. then they call and we have to go get him. then he gose poop at home and he trys to hide his underwear then he will take them off try to put them is washer full of poop or thoughs them away or just hides them. and we took all his toys away and took him off his bowling leage. and nuttin will work need help. we even make him sit of the toliet for a while. some body please help.
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Ariana - posted on 10/24/2012
First off I wouldn't take him off his bowling league, in my opinion any activity that benefits self-esteem and that type of thing should be continued even when there are some behavioral problems (especially at 5 years when they don't always fully get the consequences that are put onto later times from when they did something).
I would first bring him to the doctor and make sure there is no medical reason this is happening. You never know what medical issue could be going on.
Once you've done that if it turns out that there is no medical reason you have to do a different tactic. Unfortunately potty issues are things that you should not get into a control issue over. This is a battle you cannot win.
At home give him back his toys and things and stop all punishments. Tell him that you are not going to try and be in charge of his bowel movements any longer, it's up to him what he does. You have to ACTUALLY think this way. Kids realize when you're just saying stuff and will know if this is a big trick on your part. You have to realize that there is nothing you can do to force him to use the potty and you are not going to be in a power struggle over this.
That being said it will be up to him to clean up his messes. If he poops his pants he's old enough to throw the poop in the toilet, soak the underwear/pants etc. Get himself a new pair of clothes and all that. This is good because he'll be learning how to deal with this on his own and he's not getting your attention about it any longer. Teach him how to do this before he's actually pooped his pants.
Now if he tries to hide it and you find it tell him you don't hide this, you clean it up and have him clean it up. Do not get angry and make sure to give him as little attention as possible. Just tell him he needs to clean it up. If he refuses then leave it somewhere and the next time he asks to do something (watch tv go to the park) say yes, once you clean up your underwear from before. The point is to make as little a deal of this as possible and give as little attention as you can. Take the power struggle away.
I would talk to the teachers and see if they are willing to impliment this as well. You could tell them this is your new tactic at home and are they willing to do this as well? If they are you can leave an extra pair of clothes at the school so the teacher can tell him to clean everything up and get changed. They too need to give as little attention as possible.
If they won't do this then when they call you you should have him also clean up after himself and get changed. Do not make a big deal of it but when he comes home tell him he was supposed to be at preschool so unfortunately you have nothing planned and you're going to have to keep working (housework or regular work, not sure what you do) and cannot entertian him. Don't let him watch tv or go to the park, he can play with his toys in his room. Tell him this is your work time and you can only play with him once work time is done. Obviously he can leave his room to eat (use the bathroom ha) etc but tell him he needs to stay in there until work time is over. If he's got tv or electronics in his room I would take them out so he's as bored as possible. This isn't as punishment but to show him if he poops and comes home he's going to wish he was at preschool instead of at home during 'work hours'. Do not get mad at him or let him know you are irritated. Any attention is good attention (even bad attention).
Once again my main points are get him checked for any medical reasons this may be happening, get rid of the power struggles, do not allow him to realize how upset any of this makes you, and make him responsible for cleaning up the mess. Give him as little attention for pooping his pants as possible. Give him plenty of praise when he does finally use the potty but don't go over the top either.
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