I have a problem my step son hurt my daughter when she was 2 she is now 10 CPS took him away he was 11 at the time he is now 17 and is visting us they said she wouldnt remember and she is scared of him and she told us she remembers that he hurt her in a bad spot and I just found out he has done it again he said its cause he sleep walks is it wrong for me dont to trust him CPS says I need to belive him that he doesnt do it anymore but he has 3 little half sisters and I have to keep and eye on them and keep them safe so am I wrong?

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Basically what this is doing to your daughter is the same as a woman having to repeatedly face her rapist and that is NOT ok. If his father wants to see him... it should be done in public and NOT w/ you and the kids present. 'Family' or not doesn't matter... this 'almost man' needs to be kept away from them 100%! Good luck!

Ez - posted on 11/01/2011

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Ara, you are doing the right thing. I can't imagine even having to look at the person who abused your child. You shouldn't have to keep it in. He is 17 now. Almost a man. And a repeat offender at that.

Your husband really should be supporting you on this. If he wants to continue a relationship with his son, that's fine. But it needs to happen away from the house. Neither your daughters nor you should be subjected to this guy.

I don't understand how or why CPS would encourage him to be in contact with his victim. That seems very strange to me. In any case, they can't force you to be around him.

This is really serious. If your husband insists on having him in the home, you need to take your kids elsewhere. Personally, if my husband wasn't backing me on something as big as this, I would be gone. He is knowingly putting your other children at risk, and that is not ok.

Ez - posted on 11/01/2011

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No, you are not wrong. You need to get this boy out of your house and away from those little girls.

I am assuming he molested your daughter at 2yo? She clearly remembers, and having to see him could trigger all sorts of emotional and behavioural problems.

You're right. It *is* your job to keep those girls safe. You can't do that with him in the house. There is no way on the face of the earth that I would be trusting this guy. Step-son or not.

What does your husband say?

CHANA - posted on 11/02/2011

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I know this has to be putting a strain on your marriage because that is his son but we as mothers are designed to protect our babies from all evil of the world and if we cant then who will I am saying no matter what you dont want your girls to ever think that"mama"doesnt have their back and if no one and i mean no one cant understand then the hell with them no one is going to understand the situation until its them going through it.Hope everything works out for you and your family

Imamom2 - posted on 11/05/2011

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She needs to be in therapy too,, especially now and that she does have recall of the incident. It is typical for survivors to start acting out in numerous ways as they get older unconsciously or consciously and having to see "violator" would escalate that. Again have dad/son meet outside the home & go to therapy for her and maybe... she will be able to being a survivor and not let that incident define who she is... and maybe help you and your family to heal too. Here is a good network that offers some resources http://www.rainn.org/

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33 Comments

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Michelle - posted on 08/28/2015

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Locking since it's a very old post. You are more than welcome to start your own.
Michelle,
WtCoM Mod.

Denise - posted on 08/28/2015

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He should be in jail. He obviously has issues and would be a threat to any child he is around.

Ara - posted on 11/05/2011

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I unerstand they didnt remove him untill he was11 he was 10 when he did this to her I should have put the age he was when he did it and not when he left yes this is serious matter thats why i took her to her doctor then cps made her go to another doctor and they didnt want Therapy for her but for him i put her in therapy they said she would forget and putting her in would make it worse for her but we did and the concler is and was the best she didnt bring it up at all and every now and then my daughter would say or do something with a doll and she would ask her about it but when she saw him again she started acting it out more so its even hard to have to see his face cause I know more today then i did back then and it kills me to see her in pain

Imamom2 - posted on 11/05/2011

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Abuse is a serious matter so to me reading all the conflicting ages dates etc. did not feel right. But as to another chance to being in the home, I would say No as he is now an adult with a long history of issues. If his dad wants to see him than have him do so out of the home or help him with a apartment or maybe he should be at college in a dorm. But if he is coming into your lives Therapy for all is a good start.

Ara - posted on 11/05/2011

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she was 2 and half when this happen and CPS had him in and out of our home when he had to leave his new family he ran away and came here so we called cps and they got him yes we have no rights to him anymore but because of his age they cant stop him from calling his father they have tried and he runs away all the time so they feel its easyer for them just to let him see his dad he will be 18 next month, he is with the state and I still to this day have everything from her doctors Dec 5 2003 he was 10 she 2 n ahalf they took him out of our home at 11 right befor christmas he wants tl come live with us and has been for awhile I felt bad for fighting it now he will be 18 and wants to stay here again if you dont belive me I dont have to prove it to you I know what my baby goes though and its pain her fathers family having nothing to do with her cause some how it has to be her fault I know when she told be she was in the bathroom crying saying dany (Andy) as she called him hurt my pee pee that was the worse day in my life that was the morning of Dec 5, 2003 it was raining outside all I was doing on here was asking other moms if I was wrong for not giving him another chance

Imamom2 - posted on 11/05/2011

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Question:
1..Your daughter was 2 and now is 10 = 8 years ago.
2. 1/2 brother was 11 (11 + 8 = 19) would be 19 today and a ADULT or was he 9 when this happened? Then further on in your response you state that "you tried to let him stay when he was 10? To me sorry to say this sounds fishy as none of your ages nor timelines add up nor the "his Adopted family" well when kids are adopted all ties are severed so why would you be in counseling with him then or why would CPS place him back with you as if he is Adopted let alone an Adult ? Abuse is serious issue and having worked with "survivors" timelines and facts of a child victim's reporting parent are burned into their memories. So sorry this seems strange to me, if it is true and your in the throws of distress of the situation and facts are muddled than best recomendation "via your husband wants him there" is to Take your girls and LEAVE!
Its your job to protect them and remove them from harms way..

Ara - posted on 11/02/2011

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Thank you Chana it has and they know I have there back when it first happen I did pack up and got my own place and I just found out I was going to have another baby we came back home at that time it seemed like everything that could go wrong did it was like living a nightmare I thank God everyday for helping us but I have thought long and hard and with all the comments I feel like I did what I had to do for my daughters to be safe He will never live with us i just cant its not good for him either knowing I cant trust him and I am watching him all the time so thank you

Ara - posted on 11/02/2011

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Thank you all my kids are my life and I will do everything to keep them safe just had a talk with my husband and he has agred to vist with him somewhere eles so my daughter wont have to see him but her councler thinks she needs to have him come in with us and him so my daughter can tell him how she feels in a safe way for her but Im putting it off for now she is to stressed about it right now but thank you all very helpful

Iridescent - posted on 11/02/2011

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This is very unfortunate. I hope your husband takes you seriously when you say you'll leave with the girls if it comes to that; you need to.

Sherri - posted on 11/02/2011

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I disagree with you they don't always continue as adults and yes I know all of this very much first hand. Child that act out sexually because they were molested will not always grow up and continue as adults. Usually this only happens if help was not received for them as children.

JuLeah - posted on 11/02/2011

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Yes Sherri, his life was/is heart breaking. And but, he has now crossed a line and chooses to hurt others. And, he won't stop. Folks like this usually start young, maybe are not caught, but start young. Youth and Teen offenders are some of the hardest to treat, and but, studies show, they continue as adults .... always

Sherri - posted on 11/02/2011

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Wow my heart positively breaks for this young man, what a positively hell childhood he had and honestly through no fault of his own.

I also feel for you as well I am in no way belittling what happened to your daughter.

Ara - posted on 11/02/2011

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thank you all Amy Lea it only happen once to my daughter and I took her to the doctors he hurt someone eles kid when he was removed from our home that one took place when he was almost 16 with his adopted family and I feel so bad for that and they didnt know to keep an eye on him cause he was a kid CPS had it locked so they never knew and we were in counseling and the case worker has changed again he has been kicked out of almost every home he has been in, I belive something has happen to him when he was with his birth mom her father is and has been on the run since my step son was 8 for having sex with my step sons other sister on his moms side and the girls friend they didnt tell anyone for years and when we found out he was never back there again I did everything CPS want from be back then, went twice a week to talk with someone with and with out him we put camras in our house to make sure nothing happen again but they said they were worried that I had so much anger in me that I would hurt him I tryed to let him stay when he was 10 cause he was a kid too and I felt that man had to of hurt him too but he never said anything happen to him and when he told the councler he want my son dead cause he said I loved him more they took him out of the home since all this happen the new case worker said he is Bi-polar but as far as I know thats not a reason for what he did to his sister and my husband knows I told him if he moves him back in me and the kids are gone he has said it will not come to that I know he loves his son but he knows my daughters councler has told him she has said she loves her brother but he is the monster under her bed and she is scared of him Ever since he has been in our lives again her school work has dont been good she was been held back my daughter comes first and I have worked hard for her to feel safe in her own room I have to sit with her till she falls asleep she wont even go to a friends house to play if I wont go with her, she has never had a sleep over everytime there is a birthday party with a sleep over she goes with me but come home with me too and she will only talk to a few people she wont even change counclers when our ins. wouldnt cover her she woulndnt go to a new one so I got her back with her old councler I just was feeling I maybe I was being to hard on him others in the family said I need to let him back in our lives that Im being a witch for not but they are the same people that wouldnt take him when CPS called for a home for him

Ez - posted on 11/02/2011

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He's 17!! Not a kid anymore.

I see what you're saying Sherri. If we were talking about an isolated incident with a 10yo little boy, this would be a very different discussion. But he has reoffended since then.

He is a serious threat to the wellbeing of those girls and needs to be kept away.

Sherri - posted on 11/02/2011

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JuLeah I have to disagree this so isn't the same for children as adults who know they are doing something wrong. This is a kid. You are throwing out statistics for an adult molester it is so not the same for a kid.

JuLeah - posted on 11/02/2011

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Once a person crosses that line, they will do so again. they can never ever never ever be trusted with a child, not ever.

The best 'treatment centers' in the world can only offer a less then 1% 'cure' rate

This person needs to never be in your home - and if you all him to visit you send the message that his actions are okay with you - your daughter does not need to get that message from you

Doesn't matter what CPS says; they are not the mother, you are

Your kids need help - make sure they have mental health thearpy - someone who is an expert in this ....

Sherri - posted on 11/02/2011

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Your not wrong but he is still a kid too. Why was he actually removed from the home. CPS would not have removed him from the home only for this. Also a 10yr old doesn't do these things without having had it done to them as well. So what help has been done for your poor son as well??

I feel so badly for everyone in your family. For your son as well as your daughter. What a tragedy.

Cynthia - posted on 11/02/2011

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no it is not wrong. i would not trust him either. sleep walking sounds like bull shit! i would not let him in my house around my girls.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 11/02/2011

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You should not, nor should the girls fell like they are prisoners in their own homes.

Christina - posted on 11/02/2011

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i know he is family, but family does not do that to there own sisters!
your right. keep him away from the girls. and talk to cps about it. because its not right the way they are handling it now.
i hope things get better for you and your children.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 11/02/2011

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Ok, so I just finished reading all the responses. You are doing the right thing, keep teaching your daughters that it is not ok for anyone to touch their privates...that if anything happens to tell you. Be specific. Tell them that even if they are threatened, to always come and tell you. You will NEVER be mad at them, and just keep an open dialogue with them so they are comfortable talking to you. Unfortunately, you are in a scenario where sex education should be definitely taught at such a young age....for their protection and knowledge.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 11/02/2011

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This is coming from a person that does not believe in locking children in their rooms. But this is for their protection against a sexual predator. I also would make sure he is in counseling, and have 1 session a week with him. How does his father feel about this situation?

~♥Little Miss - posted on 11/02/2011

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I would be really uncomfortable with the situation if I was in it. I would be locking all my childrens doors for their protection, and locking him in his room at night. I would NEVER leave them alone together, and if you cannot do any of this....he needs to not live with you.

Iridescent - posted on 11/02/2011

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I don't have a lot of time, but hopefully some helpful info.

You can call CPS and explain the situation to a child intake worker. Request a child advocate for your child and ask if a guardian ad litem would be appropriate to defend her rights in court. They know much more about the law and can advise the judge in court on her safety, while you are not legally allowed.

If she was molested again, why was she not taken to the ER? Now it's simply a case of "he said, she said" and this is never okay. Basically, if this is what truly happened, it was allowed by the adults in the household. Your step son learned it is acceptable and your daughter learned nobody really helps. That seems mean, but it is the truth. You can never not seek medical attention for this type of thing, even if it's just a suspicion.

Ara - posted on 11/01/2011

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its sad I dont want him around her at all and he knows how I feel I tryed to keep it in but I cant even if he never did it again I dont trust him so when he is here Im at her side and my 5 and 7yr old daughters to they dont know anything but I told them no one is ever to touch them they already knew but every time he is so post to come I tell them again Thank you I was starting to think I was wrong or being to hard his mother has nothing to do with him and his adopted mom and dad gave him back to CPS when he did it again but they were never told about what he did to his sister and thats why my husband wants to be there for him he thinks he can help him but my job is to help and keep my girls safe and my son too its just sad its from their brother

Barbara - posted on 11/01/2011

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By no means are you wrong I won't trust him either.. you are a better person then me cause I won't let him in or near my daughter.

Ara - posted on 11/01/2011

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yes he did molest her and my husband wants him to be apart of his and the kids lives but says we are to never leave them alone CPS wanted him to live with us again and my husband said no Thank God but when ever I can me and the kids have other things to do when he vists he hasnt in 3months cause he got in touble and got sent to a boys home in another city but he is back in 2 weeks and my 12yr old son feels like its his job to help keep them safe I know he is thier blood and I never let my girls out of my sight but CPS is so post to keep kids safe so why bring him back in to her life and the worse part is they didnt belive he hurt her untill he did it again even with her doctor saying it did happen they only took him because they said if I belived he did I would hurt him and I would never hurt him he was a kid I just wanted their help

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