I have a very important question.. OK.. I have a 3 year old daughter, and i have a boyfriend we have been together for 2 months but have spend everyday of the 2 months together everyday as a family of 3. My daughter just does not like him.. He does anything for her.. buys her nice things,clothes, whatever she wants... She just dont like him. I have tried to sit down and talk to her about how mommy loves him and it hurts my feelings when your mean to him or dont talk to him. All she does is say mommy i'm shy or just changes the subject.. My mother and i have even tried to explain to her that it's going to be you momy and Andrew now. I have cried, prayed, and hoped to god that she will like him someday. If she don't does that mean we have to break up? Will she ever warm up to him? I mean her daddy isn't in her life so this is the only father figure she has.. But am i over reacting? CAN YOU PLEASE HELP ME??
MOST HELPFUL POSTS
Bobbie - posted on 10/01/2012
I don't see what the rush is to put Andrew into her life. I am surprised to hear that you three spend every day together. Even if it was love at first sight you need to slow down for your daughter as well as yourself. If it is the real thing it lasts without forcing it. If you have dated only 2 months then she need not be part of the "date" on a regular basis.
Kids are pretty flexible but you are asking a great deal of a two year old here. She went from a schedule / routine of mommy and herself to a great deal of changes. For you and your mother to speak about it being forever is a little premature. Don't mean to play the devils advocate here but many fast and hot relationships burn out rather quickly leaving those children who did accept the man tragically missing him. Your daughter doesn't need to be crazy about him. She needs time to adjust without constantly being forced into his presence. She also needs attention one on one when he is around you rather than it being the two of you showing her attention. She is giving you every clue that she wants alone time with you. That she doesn't trust at a drop of a hat, which you seem to be doing, so in this area she is actually being smarter than you.
I am not saying that you can't fall in love at first sight, but I am saying when there are children effected they should remain your first priority in keeping their world stable and without drastic changes.
DeAnn - posted on 09/30/2012
I have to agree with those that say that the relationship is moving too fast. Your first instinct should be to protect her. How do you really know this guy isn't going to be abusive to her? In fact, HE should be keeping HIS distance, and insisting on it, if he's respectable at all. That's what worries me. Think more about what's best for her than what you want.
Look, I know you're lonely and having this guy around is making you feel awesome and beautiful right now, and you feel entitled to this, but that could change and by the time it does it'll be too late. Introducing a partner to your kids needs to happen slowly over time. The fact that you've been joined at the hip the last 8 weeks is a threat to her. She feels that you care more about him than her. Honestly think about that. What she wants and how she feels is important. She can see past the gifts. She wants you.
The two of you need to slow down. If he's not willing to have the self-control to let that happen, it's a major red flag. He needs to respect your daughter's feelings and as much as the two of you are enamored with each other, it's hurting your relationship with your daughter, her self-esteem, and hindering their ability to get to know each other.
Maybe he's a good guy. Maybe this is the real thing. If it is, realize there's plenty of time for being a family after you gradually get to that point. If it's not and she grows attached, it'll break her heart. If he ends up becoming violent or heaven forbid molests her, you will regret this for the rest of your life. Ask your self if it's worth it. And before you go defending him "he's a teacher/cop/etc. or I just know he's not like that" - teachers, cops, Sunday school teachers, and otherwise upstanding citizens have abused women and children and usually, it's someone the parents trust and "know" wouldn't do anything to their kids.
Katherine - posted on 09/30/2012
Ok, here's the deal, and it's funny because I just asked this very question in one of my communities. It's been 2 months. You should not have brought him around her so soon IMO. Secondly she is three and fickle. If she doesn't like him, sorry but HE has to go. Either that or you're going to have to see him without her. You're daughter is the most important thing and if she's not happy then you need to tend to that.
You're boyfriend may or may not be around.........you're daughter always will be.
Dove - posted on 09/30/2012
You've been dating the guy for 2 months.... she shouldn't have even been introduced to him yet. Lay off the poor kid. Give your relationship with him a LOT of time and a lot of space.... and hold off on involving her for at least 6 months. If your relationship is meant to last.... you can wait. If it isn't... you will do her more harm than good if she DOES get attached to him... and even if she doesn't.
Liz - posted on 09/30/2012
You just need to give her more time. This is a major change for her, especially since you said you have spent everyday for the last 2 months together as a family. Perhaps you need to have a "date" with just your daughter. I don't think your boyfriend should spoil her, though, or she will eventually just "like" him to get things from him, and in turn take him for granted.
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