I have a16 yr old run away girl, she wants to be able to have boys over and drink.

Michelle - posted on 03/08/2011 ( 16 moms have responded )

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My 16 yr old has been gone for almost 2 weeks this time, she thinks we are too strict as she has rules to do with boyfriends, drinking and due to previous issues she knows i don't trust her too much. I have given her ways to build trust and respect and negotiated ways to get some of what she wants but if it's not exactly her way she has a dummy spit and doesn't want to do it at all. Any thoughts or stories of your own teens i would be happy to hear. Boys sleeping over and allowing her to drink uncontrollably is not an option.

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Medic - posted on 03/08/2011

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Well in the states your parents can call the police and have you brought home up until your 18th birthday.

Sammie - posted on 03/08/2011

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I'm not sure where you live Michelle, but I know here in Aus a 16 yr old is legally allowed to move out. Therefore you can't just "phone the police and have her bought home". I moved out at 16, and in with my 25 yr old boyfriend, much to my parents horror. (We stayed together nearly 4 years for those that are curious) When I was 15/16, I was of the same opinion, my parents rules sucked, I never got along with my mum and was kicked out on a regular basis. Unfortunately, there is no secret answer. Moving out helped me, I had to join "the real world". Sure, I partied up regularly "because I could", hell, I even bought sparkly toothpaste and ate fruit loops daily "because I could". She will eventually grow out of it, and will even one day realise why the rules are in place, I eventually did, but not until I became a mother myself ;)

Perhaps talk to her about her future, school etc and see where she wants to be, and if she does drink at your house, I would certainly phone the police ;)

I wish you the best of luck!

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Pat - posted on 03/10/2011

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If you can have a couselor at school intervene or ask your docotr for help. Applying Tough Love may work, but you both need help

Dimitri - posted on 03/09/2011

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You have options. Do not give up on your daughter; however, tough love is the best love for out of control teens. I would call the police and get them involve and if she is being sexual with guys a lot older than her I would scare the living day lights out of them by telling them you will press charges on them for rape.

Mary - posted on 03/09/2011

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She must have a lot of time and money on her hands . I realized early if mine were broke and involved in school it would be best . Put her to work for spending money don't hand it to her . Kids have to have moral building experiences do you go to Church ? What is going on with her friends ? Maybe she needs new friends and not be with the old ones . You have to figure out what is going on to make these issues a part of her life . But I agree this is not an option .

Louise - posted on 03/09/2011

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Here in England a 16 year old is old enough to move out and can not be brought home. But they can not claim any benefits until they are 18 so most stay at home. When my son was 16 he acted the same way wonting to be going to the pub or house parties, he drove us all mad because he was to old to ground and did not listen to a word we say. He would sneak out the house and come in drunk. All we could do was make sure he had been sick and was sober enough to go to sleep without being in any danger. We sat and talked to him about the damage he was doing to his kidneys and he just did not care. He decided to drop out of college and went to work full time, this was a blessing because at the end of the day he was to tired to go out partying. (He works for a builder) His drinking has calmed down and is now once a month but he does not get hammered like he used to because he knows he has to get up for work. In your situation I really do not know what you can do, just wait for her to come back, but whilst someone else is paying for her up keep you are stuffed. Try and get some access to her whether that is face to face or by letter. Tell her you would like her to come home and that you are concerened for her health. If she is seeing men alot older than herself then she should be on birth control to limit any accidents. There is so much to talk about the key to this situation is getting communication going between you both without it being you telling her what she can and can not do and her rebelling.

[deleted account]

I was parting it up one night...in a local bar. I was 16...so was like 10 more around me. We were having the BEST time! Shooting pool, staggering around, being drug to the bathroom for the newest twist in tonight's drama...you know, we've all been there. I was sitting beside the pool table, turned up my beer and the door flew open. It was the COPS! Eleven teenagers were face down on the hoods of cop cars. I never cried so hard in my LIFE! I begged that cop, PLEASE let me go home! PLEEEASE let me go home! He took me downtown. We went through the WORST neighborhoods to get there, they put me and three other girls in a holding cell with a stainless steel toilet in the middle of the floor. I sat there listening to those bars beeping and slamming shut for TWELVE HOURS before my mama showed up to save me. I was the last girl left. When Mama got me to the lobby at the front of the jail, she turned and leaned against the wall and crossed her arms. She looked at me real hard. Of course being sixteen I looked back at her blank and said.."whut"
She said back to me, "I give up on you. You don't listen to me, you don't hear what I say, you don't follow my rules, you do what you want. So be it." She turned and walked out. I followed her to her car, when I got to the passengers door she didn't unlock it. Instead she started the engine and put the car in reverse. A week later I had a job and dropped out of school so I could pay rent, car payment, insurance, utilities, food, clothes, makeup...all those things my parents had paid for in the past.
Don't do that. Don't do what my mom did. She gave up on me. Fight, kick, scream, yell, handcuff her to the toilet if you have to. Just don't give up on her like my mom did. It's not EASY....nothing worth having ever is. I'm sorry I don't have the answer for you, but I do know what I'll never do.

Sammie - posted on 03/08/2011

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Oh and failing all options? Perhaps look into a strict boarding school or house ;)

Michelle - posted on 03/08/2011

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i say call the cops. worked wonders for myself when my dad did it to me lol. and it worked pretty well on my husband's then 16 yo sister when she wanted to sneak out drinking with her older "friends"!

Michelle - posted on 03/08/2011

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Some parents of friends, none of whom see fit to ring and let me know. One came the day after and told me. She has been hanging around 18 and 21 yr olds so maybe staying with them too. No one is real helpful.

Jodi - posted on 03/08/2011

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Where is she staying and who is has been supporting for the last 2 weeks? Or do you not know where she is?

Keara - posted on 03/08/2011

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My mom called the police on us... She had my brother arrested for underage drinking, and he ended up with probation and part of the probation was kinda like house arrest, school, work, home, it was like a police enforced grounding....

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