I have an 18 yr old out of control lying and stealing to support drug habbit. I can't take it anymore. What advise can you help me with?
EMMA - posted on 10/19/2012
Thank you all for your post. My 18 yr old is a boy. I am still with his father going on 19 yrs now. I had my son when I was 16. I think this is why my son is the person he is today. He saw us fighting alot and my husband use drugs (marijuanna) and drink alot. My son Jc has been a handful since he was 6. Diagnosed with ADHD but really it should been ADD. He is not hyper but really has anger issues. He has seen counselors, psychiatrist and been prescribed medication but nothing ever helped him. Now that he is older he is addicted to prescribed medicines called bars in the streets. He breaks and destroys walls tables etc you name it. Especially when he don't get his way he acts like this way. He has been in school fights and in gangs. In and out of school and failing. My son is still in the 9th grade. I sometimes think its my fault that my son is the person he is because I always give him everything since he is my only boy. My husband and I are always in a constant fight because I spoil him to much. I know I have to teach him tough love but I am afraid to loose him like killing himself. I have talked to him and he acts like he don't care. I know my son wants to change. I pray to God and have faith he will change one day. I have it really tough and I sometimes I want to give up but I can't my children are all I have.
Liz - posted on 10/19/2012
Emma, I would agree with Ariana that you need to get firm while remaining loving. The steps that she suggests are excellent.
Stacy, does your daughter realise that if she gets implicated in the drug use or any other related crime because of her boyfriend, that this could pose VERY real obstacles for her in ever getting any nursing job?
Stacy - posted on 10/18/2012
I have a daughter who is 18, and loves a 20 year old soon to be 21 in January. He was a heroin addict and then went to treatment that his mother put him in and his father took him out after 3 days. (that was 3 years ago). My beautiful, daughter who wants the goal of being a pediatric nurse oncologist is stuck in a relationship with this boy. She says she loves him.
This is what I did. He has stolen from both his parents. They are divorced, mother has cancer and is remarried. She also like you loves him very much but because of his stealing etc she can no longer have him live at home. She does care about him and loves him dearly but she like you feels the same way.
His father.....I cant really tell what he feels. It is so hard for me to see my daughter throwing her life away. She does not see what he is doing to her future. He has had her borrow money to buy drugs, he has had her take him to buy drugs and she says she will never do it again. He got in a truck accident in July and no longer has a vehicle because he totalled it. He should not have lived. He went to jail for 8 days in two different counties. He is on probation for another 5 years and if he screws up he will be in prison for one year and one day.
After his accident, I searched high and low on the internet and found a treatment center in California. (We live in Minnesota). I had a stipulation that if he attended he would not be able to leave or he would go to prison. He went; was it for Jacquelyn? I dont really know. I guess I will never really know. Our state would only allow him to go for 43 days he had to come back to MN. He has been home for almost 2 weeks now. He lives with us. My husband and I are babysitters. He has 5 days Sentence to Serve in one County and has finished 3 of them and will the other 2 next week. He owes alot of money to probation and counties plus medical bills. My daughter is a server/hostess at a restaurant and has for over a year now. She got him a job working there as a dishwasher/food server/cook on the days she works because we do not want to babysit him. He is hurting my marriage but I tell my husband that our daughter needs to come first. We also have another daughter who will be 20 in November and will be an LPN in March. She literally hates her sisters boyfriend and the close relationship my daughters used to have is gone. She now wants to move out but cant afford it because she is going to college and also works a 30 hr a week job as a server.
Since he has been home (almost 2 weeks) he sleeps all day along with my daughter. They do work there part time jobs. I have talked until I am blue in the face with Jacquelyn sharing that I am so hurt, confused, depressed etc but she is not listening..... While her boyfriend was in treatment in California we both went and found an apt for them to move into which they move in Nov 3rd. I am now thinking that it is not a good decision.
Her boyfriend is not my responsibility but has no one who he can live with, he has no car, my daughter and I drive him everywhere. She gets up at 6:00 to make his lunch and take him to STS, soon it will be cold and snowing. THEY LAY IN BED ALL DAY. It drives me crazy. Jacquelyn is taking one college course right now. (She was supposed to have started last July). She graduated a year early, just like my other daughter but her goals have changed since she met this guy. She is not taking college seriously. I regretfully have to share that I have been helping her...okay doing her college work for her because I dont want her to fail.
Ariana - posted on 10/11/2012
Wow that's tough. I would get you and her family members to talk to her and tell her that while you love her you are NOT going to support her drug addiction. Until she is willing to go to some sort of rehab centre you will not be helping her or giving her money (or having her near you where she can steal from you).
If she is still living with you and you are paying for her things I would stop giving her money for anything. Tell her if she refuses to go to rehab or councelling she will need to find somewhere else to live because you cannot support her drug addiction.
Emphasize that you love her dearly and want what is best for her. You are not willing to feed into her addiction and she needs to seek help. Get others family members to do this with you.
Maybe you could also seek help from a councellor or possibly family councellor? There are obviously issues going on with her if she's acting out like this.
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