I have been married to my husband over 2 years now, and a few months ago his teenage son decided to move in with us. I also have 2 daughters, ages 10 and 8, from a previous marriage. when he first moved in everything was great, then things turned opposite fast. My step son is 15, and husky (football player) and my daughters are very thin and he can get really rough with them once he becomes annoyed... ive told my husband plenty of times and he says they shouldnt be playibg rough but i believe he should be told he should not be so rough with young girls.... another concern of mine is my husband believes his son does no wrong... he constantly breaks rules, is caught in lies, was caught smoking pot, and my husband punishes him with housework for the day and forgetd about it the next day... he also gives his son, financially, everything he wants and when i want to do the same for my girls, it is suddenly too expensive... example the son wanted BEATS for his bday, $400, but he got them... my oldest wants them for xmas, but was told too expensive.... and the thing to lastly concern me is my step son has NO relationship with his mother... she does not try to see him, nor does he, or spend a weekend, or a day at that together.... my daughters go with their dad every other weekend, i would like for me and my husband to have a weekend alone together but now cant because his son refuses to go to his moms or any other family members at that (of his moms side). i havent gone out on a date with my husband kidless for months now.... i do love my step son but these things are straining my relatiinship with both stepson and husband.... i tried to ignore it and bite my tongue to the issues but i can no longer do that because its causing major tension towsards me and my husband... am i wrong for wanting my step son to visit his mom when my daughters go with their dad?? And do all children fight as bad as my children and step child do??? How would you confront these issues with your husband without sounding like youre bashing his own son?? please any and all help is very much needed and welcomed!!

Crystal - posted on 11/11/2014 ( 1 mom has responded )

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Issues with step son causing issues in my marriage... Help

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Ev - posted on 11/11/2014

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"I have been married to my husband over 2 years now, and a few months ago his teenage son decided to move in with us. I also have 2 daughters, ages 10 and 8, from a previous marriage. when he first moved in everything was great, then things turned opposite fast. My step son is 15, and husky (football player) and my daughters are very thin and he can get really rough with them once he becomes annoyed... ive told my husband plenty of times and he says they shouldnt be playibg rough but i believe he should be told he should not be so rough with young girls.... "

I quoted this because as I read on about things it seems to me that you and your husband did not set ground rules for the blended household from the start as far as rules were concerned and stick to it. All rules should be the same for the kids within reason of ages and so should the consequences.

"another concern of mine is my husband believes his son does no wrong... he constantly breaks rules, is caught in lies, was caught smoking pot, and my husband punishes him with housework for the day and forgetd about it the next day..."

Again, this goes with rules set for all kids and the consequences that goes with it.

"he also gives his son, financially, everything he wants and when i want to do the same for my girls, it is suddenly too expensive... example the son wanted BEATS for his bday, $400, but he got them... my oldest wants them for xmas, but was told too expensive...."

It seems to me he is playing favorites with the kids and his son is the one getting the benefit of it. This also should have been talked about on how much is spent on kids for holidays or birthdays and to stick to it and to be fair. For example, spend the same amount per kid each time.

" and the thing to lastly concern me is my step son has NO relationship with his mother... she does not try to see him, nor does he, or spend a weekend, or a day at that together.... my daughters go with their dad every other weekend, i would like for me and my husband to have a weekend alone together but now cant because his son refuses to go to his moms or any other family members at that (of his moms side). i havent gone out on a date with my husband kidless for months now...."

The last concern about the boy's relationship with his mother is not something you can address only with respect to the boy going to see her on the weekends she is supposed to have. At his age in a lot of places he can refuse to go see his other parent. So that is not something you can argue over. As far as going on a date with your husband, you two need to sit down and figure it out or go to marriage counseling.


i do love my step son but these things are straining my relatiinship with both stepson and husband.... i tried to ignore it and bite my tongue to the issues but i can no longer do that because its causing major tension towsards me and my husband... am i wrong for wanting my step son to visit his mom when my daughters go with their dad?? And do all children fight as bad as my children and step child do??? How would you confront these issues with your husband without sounding like youre bashing his own son?? please any and all help is very much needed and welcomed!!

It seems to me that you two are not communicating on the same pages. You and your husband need to go get counseling help and get things figured out. You are expecting his son to follow certain rules yet dad does not seem to want to enforce them.
You are not wrong for wanting to have time with the husband but it might be how you are trying to get it across. And no matter if kids are step sibs or not, they all fight sometime or another. So my opinion is to get counseling for you two and the family.

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