I have cried myself to sleep so many nights over my daughter who is so mean and cruel. I was so relieved t find this site.

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Michelle - posted on 10/27/2014

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Have you seen someone about the guilt you are feeling?
He was probably very good at hiding what he was doing and obviously threatened her to not say anything. You can't keep blaming yourself for the actions of someone else.
I understand as a Mother we want to protect our children from everything and the last person we expect to betray that is the Father of our children.
I know what it's like to be in an abusive relationship, my ex was verbally abusive and even tried to rape me a couple of times. It took me 4 years to get up the courage to leave him so I know the amount of strength it takes.
All I can suggest is that you get some help for yourself and try and heal first.

Michelle - posted on 10/26/2014

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Unfortunately, if she doesn't want help then she won't get it. There's nothing you can say or do that will help her, she needs to get professional help and only she can make that decision.
All I can suggest is to keep your distance and if she does ask you why let her know. She's old enough to know better and the fact that her son doesn't want to know her says something.

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Michelle - posted on 10/31/2014

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I agree with what you have said you will do but I really urge you to get some help for yourself. It really does help talking to a counsellor about what you have and are going through.
There's no shame is seeking help to move past a horrible experience, I have had to do it and I came out the other side a lot stronger than if I had just dealt with it on my own.

Linda - posted on 10/27/2014

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Thank you. I have done a lot of reading in the last 24 hours on narcissists and will continue to do so. I guess at this point it no longer matters that I did not know what her dad was doing to her because the situation is what it is and must be dealt with as it is today. I have to forget what should have been or could have been and deal with what is. I am going to distance myself emotionally from her and limit my exposure time with her. I am not going to take any mean thing she says to me seriously and I will not seek any kind of emotional or loving daughter interaction with her. She is moving to another state so that should limit our contact. I am always going to love her unconditionally and pray for her, but I will not allow her to destroy or even hurt me anymore. Again, thank you for steering me in the right direction.

Linda - posted on 10/26/2014

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She does get professional help because she speaks of her counselor sometimes, but I don't know if she gets good help or not and I suspect that she tells the counselor lies because she lies habitually. She lies when it isn't even necessary. Her counselor would have to say things my daughter wanted to hear and in all occasions keep her feeling like a heroine. I feel responsible for her condition because I should have been able to protect her from her father, but he was very, very sneaky and he traumatized her. You see I worked days and he worked nights so he was often at home during the days to take care of her while I worked. That has been the way that she manipulates me with me being full of guilt. Could this event(s) happening in her childhood be the reason she is narcissistic. Could her condition be my fault because I was not there to protect her? Just as a side note, I stayed in a traumatized state also because he also was very mean to me and I was always trying to protect her and her little brother. It took all the strength I had to divorce him. On several occasions he tried to kill me. Now her little brother is a bi-polar man and I will take care of him for the rest of his or my life. Please keep talking to me because I am hurting bad.

Linda - posted on 10/26/2014

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She can take the slightest statement as a put down or think up something done in the past as a put down I have always tried to work around her emotions because as a child she was molested by her father who I have long ago divorced. She was always a daddy's girl even after the divorce, but I think her father has now himself become tired of her emotional blackmail. Her cruelty centers around public humiliation and making embarrassing scenes. I must say there is another side of her that is wonderful and charming and beautiful so everyone walks around on eggshells trying to keep her in a good mood. Her other son has banned her from his home and children. This has hurt her very badly and I feel sorry for her in that she can't see her grandchildren, but I can only imagine what she did to cause him to make that decision. She does suffer and I want to help her, but everything I try makes her mad and I must admit that I just want to stay away from her for a while because my nerves are shot and my heart is broken.

Linda - posted on 10/26/2014

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She 48. Within the last six years she has alienated everyone who loves her except one son who is as cruel as she is. Seeing this site has made me realize her condition. Now I can handle this because I know that I am not saying and doing the wrong things to set her off on a rage. She likes to make a scene in public to embarrass anyone, even a complete stranger. Restaurants, funerals, hospitals when emotions are high she will start yelling.

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