I have cut off communication between my 4 y/o & her father, because he is verbally & emotionally abusive to me. We live in different countries?

Tamara_thomas03 - posted on 04/20/2015 ( 5 moms have responded )




He has wished death and rape on me...cussed at me and has no problem telling me that he wishes I break my neck. How much of his abuse should I take? I have sacrificed for her, taking the abuse for a long time...she is the reason I tolerated it at all. Even after the verbal nastiness, I still set up a skype schedule so they could communicate. He was inconsistent, and when I inquired why the lag, he cussed me again. It was the final straw. I cut off communication. I have sent word through his family that some issues have to be addressed before we can resume communication. He has asked to speak with her, but I have said no. Not until some issues of respect are addressed. Some people have said I should still let them speak, that it is not about me, that its about my daughter. They have said I am putting her in the middle. Any advice.


View replies by

Jodi - posted on 04/20/2015




I had to stop speaking to my ex due to his abuse of me. It wasn't necessary to cut off communications between he and my son, however. It IS possible to communicate with them in other ways. I stopped taking calls from him and made it clear I would only communicate by text message or letter/email, or through a third party. Firstly, this gave me evidence of the abuse if he chose to continue to abuse me (which he didn't), but it also made the abuse less personal because it wasn't verbal.

People are right, it isn't about you, it's about your daughter. Find a way that communication between you and he can be kept at a minimum and need not be verbal.

Tamara_thomas03 - posted on 04/20/2015




Am I putting her in the middle? Not to sound silly, but she is there....naturally, because both of us contributed to her creation. Him and I are now only linked because of her. Ive tried my hardest to not deny her anything when it comes to him, but his verbal abuse...I just couldn't tolerate anymore. He doesn't financially contribute either. Yes, the issues are between him and I, but I manage everything pertaining to her. How much do I take? Can I enable him to say "BITCH, turn on the skype and let me speak with her? She has dual citizenship, in the US and where he lives.

Ev - posted on 04/20/2015




In a sense you are putting her in the middle because the issues are between him and you not him and her. And since you are both in different countries that I do not know what they are giving advice on this is hard. Do you have custody set up with visiatation and child support by the courts where you are? If not then get a hold of a lawyer and get some advice on this as it would be an international custody case.

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms