I have such bad depression. I feel so alone

Marissa - posted on 09/03/2013 ( 10 moms have responded )

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I'm 17 years old. My depression started 1 month before I delivered. It's gotten worse. I gave my baby away to my sister. I want to keep him but I don't have a place to stay if I do. I'm living with my father but he hates my son and won't let him in the house. I don't have a car or job. I have nothing to offer him. I cry all the time. He won't call me mom or tell me he loves me as he grows up. I feel so alone. None of my family or friends understand what I'm going through. My sister tries but she doesn't get it. She got to keep her son. I didn't. I miss him so much. I want to hold him and kiss him but I can't. I'm so attached to him. I have to keep my distance from him though. It's taking such a toll on my body. I've lost more than 5 pounds since I've delivered him and that was a week ago. I can't eat, sleep or even get motivated to do anything. I don't want to see or talk to people because they ask about him and it makes me more sad. I'm at home with my father and step mother and I just don't feel welcome. I feel so alone.

10 Comments

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Erika - posted on 09/09/2013

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I'm glad girl! Leave all your worries to God, he will handle them better than us! What's your sons name?

Marissa - posted on 09/08/2013

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Both. I still need to graduate high school then I'm going to go to college. I've already have an interview coming up soon. :) We signed papers today for my sister to have guardian ship for him. Things are slowly getting better just one day at a time.

Erika - posted on 09/08/2013

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I'm glad you're doing better:) and I think temporary custody will make you and your baby good! See I told you your sister would understand! So are you going to keep on studying or are you going to start working? Or both?

Marissa - posted on 09/07/2013

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Better. I was living with my dad but he admitted to not caring about me and even his new wife told my sisters that. So my sisters spoke to my aunt and she came and picked me up and I've been living with her ever since Wednesday. I still feel down but it's getting better. My sister agreed to temporary custody so I'll be able to get my son back when I get situated with life. He is currently asleep on my chest. I get to keep him over night on the weekends to spend quality time with him.

AZIZA - posted on 09/04/2013

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It is a difficult choice you had to make. Concentrate on getting yourself in a better place by going for councelling and joining a group for support. You can start looking for a job and be independent. Go to your local GP for advice and take this one step at a time. Wish you well.

Marissa - posted on 09/03/2013

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You're right. I wanted to do temporary custody until I have my life on track and can provide for him like I want to. I just don't want to hurt her feelings and take him away when she is already bonded with him. I tried talking to a friend but it's hard for her to understand. I have to force myself to eat and I do eat but I'm still loosing weight I can't figure out why.

Erika - posted on 09/03/2013

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He is your son. I'm not saying snatch him away from her, I'm saying just telling her thank you sister for your support but I am the mother and I love him and I need him. This pain will kill you (not literally) but you're losing weight too fast and you're hurting yourself! Look for help around your area so you can get the support that you need! Your sister is a mother too, so she should understand how you're feeling!

Marissa - posted on 09/03/2013

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I will feel so terrible if I take him back. My sister can't have anymore children. She is basically making my son her own because I can't take care of him. The more time I spend with him the more I get attached. I don't want to let him go but I know it's what's best for him. It's only been a week since he was born. I'm going through so much emotional pain.

Erika - posted on 09/03/2013

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Wow marissa it looks like you have it kinda hard! I'm not going through the same, but I would like to help you :) I'm 21 years old 29 weeks pregnant and I'm married. Being depressed is normal, but not getting out of it for a month already is not good! You gotta do something for you first because if you're not good then your baby will not be good either. I would suggest that you go see your son, get to know him and spend some time with him. DON'T say that you have nothing to offer him because for 9 months you offered and sacrificed your body and most important you LOVE him! A lot of moms hate their baby's, but you love him and you can offer him that! Also I see that you want to be with him, but you can't because of your dad, but you can start looking for a job be independent and get your son back! If you have to drop out of school then do it, because family goes first before education. I'm not saying to quit school and never again go back to school, but for now I suggest that you do it! Later on when you get a job, get your own place be stable and get your son back! It will take a lot of courage, time and sacrifice from you! But it'll all be worth it! God bless you Marissa!

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