I just don't know what to do or think! Sometimes advice from other moms could help. Sortley after married, my husbands ex girlfriend started making drama and rumors. She started calling me saying she was pregnant by my husband and se was due in October. My husband swears up and down that she wasn't, and if se wasn't, it was not his since right after graduating e broke up with her because he would go out of state to work and it was rumored she was with another man. Come in October, she DID have a child, however she told this other guy HE was the father and he actually signed the Birth Certificate and claimed the child. It's been 9 years and she still says this child is my husbands. This has always taken a toll in my marriage, so in 2008 we decided to give eac other some time apart to decide if we still wanted to be together. Well, se finally had her chance and went at it. They started seeing eachother again behing my back (she was still married and living with her husband and my husband and I were still seeing each other. After a year of
Rachel - posted on 10/30/2012
A bit of my story that may help...
My husband and I met in Korea while we were both in the service. We loved each other from day one. He was re-stationed and shortly after being moved things went downhill in our individual family lives (my sister doing drugs, his father died, etc.). We could not do it at the moment. We broke things off. I spiraled down for about three weeks - drank like a fish and kept company with the most awful man I have ever known (my daughter's biological father). I stopped seeing him before I even found out I was pregnant. I felt like nothing would ever be the same without my husband. *NOTE: He was not my husband at the time, but is now.* I found out I was pregnant and separated from the military. Days before I was to leave Korea we (my husband and I) talked. This talk consisted of "for better or worse." He saw someone else while we were separated (it was a rebound on both our parts), but we agreed we would bury it. Though my side resulted in a child, he agreed no matter what that would be his daughter. We agreed we would never hold our "flings" against each other.
By being together win a man that has EVER had sex before you, you must accept the possibility that there could be children of his (without his knowledge). Some women are cruel and will try to claim it is his (or it really is) to sabotage what you have. You must accept in your mind that you will stand by your man no matter what. It's a "from this day forward" deal - no banging other people (obviously), but you will accept the consequences of his actions (from pre-YOU) if they come back down the line. That is not him "cheating" - that is being responsible if that is his kid.
My other point is this: love for another is not the only factor in a healthy relationship. You must love YOURSELF. It is not love to yourself to be with someone that lies to you, cheats on you, and does not value you for who you are. You must respect yourself enough to take the lesser blow and do what is best in the long haul (make your own way). I have seen too many broken dreams and shattered hearts in my walk to believe that someone that cheats/lies will change their way with the same person. No matter your threats, actions speak louder than words. You can scream till you're blue in the face that if he does it again you are through, but if you stay you have confirmed he can get away with it. I hope that you can do what is best for you.
Araceli - posted on 10/30/2012
Yes there was. Sorry! After we were "seperated" for year we decided to get back together and try our marriage again. 6 months later, I found out his ex and him had been together during our seperation. I confronted them both, she laughed at me and he cried. Later that night, she sent him a message that said "I got her back for stealing you away from me". I can't find the courage to let him go, due to I still love him very much. But I'm not sure if I could be with him and be happy. She is still saying the child is his and has agreed to a DNA test, which makes me think she was saying the truth and he did cheat on me during our engagement. Either way, I can't seem to forgive him for the affair and I can't seem to let him go or to that hope that I love him enough to get this through us and be happy! She has always been a dark shadow in our marriage and if this child is his, it would be an even bigger one. Due to all this, my self esteem has reached the ground and can't seem to get back up!
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