I just found out my 14 year old daughter has been sneaking out of the house on weekends, to be with a 19 year old boy.

Tammy Lynn - posted on 10/12/2011 ( 202 moms have responded )

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I have installed alarms on al lthe doors, so if she tries it again, it will alert me. I have already taken away her phone, computer privileges, cable in her room and now, her walking to school priviliges. She is under house arrest until further notice. I am looking for ideas for punishment/consequences.

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JuLeah - posted on 10/12/2011

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Not sure punishment will be the way to go. What are you hoping will happen with that?



Odds are, she will be mad, and figure out a way to get out, get around your rules, lie even better, sneak even better .... it will become a battle of wills - which she will win



I don't know where you live, but 19 and 14 is illeagle in many places, you might look into that



Were she mine, I'd be interested in WHY she was doing this ... I'd want to figure out what emotional need was was attempting to meet, what thinking error resulted in her thinking this was a good idea, what kind of hold this person has over her ..... if you figure out the answer to those questions you will be in a better position to educate her, guide her, and help her make better choices for herself .... this comes down to self care and self respect ... which she will need every day of her life, so help her aquire it now

Cheryl - posted on 10/13/2011

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The sneaking out is the punishable crime. My daughter did that too at 15 (she's now a16). We took away her phone/computer and grounded her for two weeks. More importantly we talked to her about the consequences of sneaking out, why it's not acceptable, etc. Then we invited her to have her 18 yr old boyfriend over to meet us and spend some time with us. If he's only after sex, he won't agree to it, but if he really loves your daughter, it will be fine and once he establishes a relationship with you, he will abide by your rules for your daughter with more respect. Chances are this "love" will fade as most of them do. Make sure you talk to your daughter about safe sex, birth control, etc. and remind her that if she is going to be making adult choices, she needs to behave like an adult and be mature about being honest with you about where she's going, who she's with, etc. What really frightens me here is the number of women who replied that are blaming the boy/wanting to report him. Moms, please remember this could be your son. He does not deserve to be a registered sex offender - something that will ruin his life forever because he's in love with your daughter. He's still a teenager as is she. But you can remind him when you meet him of the age differences and the consequences of not obeying your rules. Remember too that his maturity level is likely very close to your daughters maturity level, which is why they are attracted to one another in the first place. Good luck Tammy...raising a teenage girl is really difficult. But trust, honesty and mutual respect will get you through most situations.

Tinker1987 - posted on 10/12/2011

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I would alert the school,make sure she cant leave on breaks and if she isnt in class or late you want to be notified immidietly... sometimes school is a vacation for teens that are under house arrest at home and they can be up to no good during school hours!! as for at home your doing great,without the phone or internet she cant commute with the guy.if you have the guys number i would be giving him a piece of my mind to stay away from my daughter unless he wants to be in trouble with the Police,a guy that age can go looking for a woman his age!

Traci - posted on 10/15/2011

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Seriously? Some of you think she is going to lose her child forever just because she grounded her? Are you kidding me? That mentality is exactly what's wrong with society. If as parents we don't teach our kids that there are negative consequences for negative actions, then please tell me how we expect them to know that as an adult????? When I was growing up my parents never left us home alone. If they worked my grandparents were with us. My parents let me and my two older siblings do a lot but being irresponsible and stupid was not acceptable. I thought my parents were hard asses and mean and oh I hated their rules!!! But because of my parents and their rules I am a better person. I was grounded a lot and held accountable for my actions all the time because I definitely tried to push the boundaries. A 14yo is old enough to be held accountable for their actions but is definitely not old enough to run her own life. She still needs rules and structure and consequences when she doesn't comply. I am shocked at how many people are against this moms want to discipline her daughter for breaking the rules. Why have rules if you don't have consequences for breaking those rules?? My parents and I have a great relationship and they laugh now as they watch me implement some of their same rules with my kids, those same rules I hated so much, but that worked. Ya I lied to my parents and I broke the rules but I also knew that if I ever needed anything my parents were always there for me.

To the OP, the only thing I think you could do noe is make her explain herself. Chances are as she tried to explain herself to you she is going to realize she's just digging herself a bigger hole and eventually she is going to put down the shovel so to speak and realize that if she wants your trust and if she wants freedom she is going to need to make smarter choices!!! Again, kudos to you momma.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 10/12/2011

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Sounds goo to me! I was going to recommend an alarm system. But if you have not addressed the issue of sex and protection, now is the perfect time. Also, I would have a word with this 19 year old, and let him know if he continues, you will call the cops for statutory rape. He has no business "hanging out" with a 14 year old.

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Sharlene - posted on 10/15/2011

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PROSECUTE HIM WITH WHAT WE DONT KNOWN IF THERE IN A SEXUAL RELATIONSHIP OR WHAT SO HOW CAN YOU SAY PROSECUTE HIM

Debbie - posted on 10/15/2011

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Like I already said, She will find a way, one way or another! Atleast if the mom has the opportunity to meet the guy, she will have the info the cops will be asking for. She then can turn over the info and have the guy prosecuted. Treating her like a prisoner, only makes them more rebellious! Kill them with kindness.....

Sharlene - posted on 10/15/2011

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THATS ABIT HARSH i WONT TAKDE IT THAT FAR LIKE MOST OF THE PEOPLE THE MOTHER NEEDS TO SIT DOWN AND TALK TO THE DAUGHTER AND SEE WHAT TRUOBLING HER AND AND CLOSE FRIENDS AND OTHER FAMILY MEMBERS AND GO AND SEE THE 19 YR OLD THAT EVERY ACCUSSING AS A PERVIT FIRST

Val - posted on 10/15/2011

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I think you've made a great start!! I would strip her walls/room, leave only mattress,hangers,books,clothes. and definitely contact school & local police. Good Luck!!

Sharlene - posted on 10/15/2011

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HI HOW CAN WE JUST BE BLAMING THE 19 YR OLD WHEN WE ALL DONT KNOW THE WHOLE STORY HOW DO WE KNOW THE 14 YR OLD ISNT CHASING THE 19 YR OLD AND HE MIGHT BE PUSHING HER AWAY BUT SHE WONT GO PLUS THE MOTHER HAS ONLY SAID HEDR SIDE OF THE STORY WHICH IS PRETTY BRIEF

Amanda - posted on 10/15/2011

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Communication only half of it. Discipline should be used too. She needs to learn that her actions have repercussions. If she doesn't learn this, then she will not be prepared to face life.

Tina - posted on 10/15/2011

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Communication is the key, also did you notify the police about the 19 year old boy?

Amanda - posted on 10/15/2011

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Even if this is a phase, it still has to be nipped in the butt right away. If she's sneaking out the house and starts skipping school to spend time with him and then something happens to her, she is a minor and her parents are ultimately responsible. She needs a combination of parental advice and discipline in order to understand that this situation is unacceptable. Its best to handle the situation right away before something bad happens and people's lives are ruined. If the relationship becomes sexual, there is a chance that she could become pregnant and he could face statutory rape charges. Either way, more than two lives will be changed forever.

Debbie - posted on 10/15/2011

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This is a faze she's going through. No matter what you take away, she's going to fine a way to be with him. The next thing she'll probably do is start skipping school to spend time with him. You won't fine out until it starts effecting her attendance. Forged notes are easily done. and usually excepted for a day here or there. I would suggest for her to envite the guy over for you to meet him. NO compromising!!! This gives you an opportunity to meet, & get to know him. You can allow them to see & communicate with one another, UNDER your supervision, ONLY at your house! If he's not afraid to come around, then
don't pressure him at first, with alot of questions. Explain; You want to get to know him! You'll have his name, yr. & make of his car, the color, the tag #, etc.... This will be helpful to turn into the authorities, if your still not comfortable. Good luck

LaLasha - posted on 10/15/2011

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I think that is enough but I would be very slow to roll back the lock down so in 2 weeks or so return tv and then a month after that internet but only under supervision and homework etc and at the first sign of a return to old ways take it all away.

[deleted account]

And Flo, if you lay out what those actions are and the consequences of doing said actions, then you are being fair in your discipline.

Out of the 10 pages of comments, it is quite clear why there is such a problem with teen pregnancy in the US. If we, as parents, are not talking to our children from when they are little about acceptable behaviour, responsibility and sex and we do not maintain the lines of communication as the kids get older (because they are ongoing conversations), then parenting becomes more reactionary based on fear. A teenager is in transition to adulthood (14 is at one end and 19 at the other). It's a time when we need to trust that we instilled the values, morals and beliefs we have into our children as the become young adults. They need to be given more responsibility, as they exhibit more trustworthiness. It's a similar transition that our babies did when they learned to walk. I was excited, nervous and scared when my kids started taking their first steps, but I let them. When they fell, I comforted and then helped them back up. It felt like I was losing my baby, but I had to let them go to the next step in their journey.

This is no different. The dangers are potentially bigger and life changing, but how many of us want our kids to be prepared to face the challenges in the world? Then we must transition with them. As scary as that is.

Renee - posted on 10/15/2011

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You already know this, but the kids who appear most unlovely actually need the most love. Remember that you are doing the right thing even though it is so extremely difficult. Praying for you and your daughter.

Flo - posted on 10/15/2011

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I full heartedly agree with Traci.. We are not to be our kids friends we are to be thier parents. Every teen is going to
try to test thier boundaries but it our job to teach them that there are consequences to negative behavior. I do remember being 14 and I am glad my parents were there to protect me from myself. I didn't like it at the time but who does like correction at the time. It is learning and growing. I always tell my kids to every action there is a reaction, that reaction can be good or bad depending on the action.

Kristy - posted on 10/15/2011

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I would talk to the police about this boy, he is an adult and she is a minor. They could at least talk to him or let you know your options. You are doing the right thing trying to keep her away from him - she is too young to understand how this could impact her life and future. God Bless!

Christina - posted on 10/15/2011

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Trust me, guys will say things like, "If you love me, you will do it" and "We will get married later, so it will be the same". They will treat girls like a gentleman, then when they get them alone, trouble starts. I've been there. Yes, it may have been the 80's, but guys have been like that before and now. That hasn't changed. I want to meet the boy my daughter wants to go out with and if the boy doesn't want to, then forget it, dude! My husband won't let our children go out till they are 18 alone, chaperoned before that. Though I know that younger siblings going with the older ones don't stop a thing cause they get threatened or bribed, blackmailed. Of course, my husband is a business man and knows nearly everyone in town. Our son can prove the fact that he can get caught cause someone will see him and tell Gary. The girls will have the same problem. We are not perfect parents or have perfect kids: we can't get them to do their chores, no matter what discipline we do. But if they want to go do something, they have to do their chores, so if they want to go bad enough, they will do it. We take our kids places, rent movies, play Wii, and they are happy. My older daughter spends the night with her friends that I know the parents well, but if it is a friend that I don't know, I go meet the parents and more than one friend has to be there.

Tia - posted on 10/15/2011

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My opinion is to try giving her options to go and hang out without sneaking out. You cant stop her from seeing a 19 yr old. She's a teenager, thats the circle of
Life! Make it good for. Educate her on the consequences of sex and babies and std's and give her some responsibilities. I feel that she will then respect
The trust that you have given her and do the right thing!! Good luck!!

Tia - posted on 10/15/2011

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My opinion is to try giving her options to go and hang out without sneaking out. You cant stop her from seeing a 19 yr old. She's a teenager, thats the circle of
Life! Make it good for. Educate her on the consequences of sex and babies and std's and give her some responsibilities. I feel that she will then respect
The trust that you have given her and do the right thing!! Good luck!!

Sylver - posted on 10/15/2011

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I looked at this post intitally b/c I was 15 and dating a 19 yr-old and my mom pressed charges on him and I never was able to speak to him again. It never stopped me from thinking about him though. Once he was on my mind and I was having sexual relations w/him listening to my mom wasn't an issue at all, respect for my was not an issue either; I just didn't listen at all and of course I had no respect. My mother taught me respect for the most part, so don't think you are doing anything wrong, my mom told me later that she couldn't figure out anything else to do to get me to listen to her; I think maybe I didn't TRUST HER.

There are several posts that tell you that you are doing the right things by taking away her privledges but I'm tellling you from personal experience that I wiggled my way around all of those and I figured out how to be with him. I manipulated up the alarm system, I stole her car, I skipped school, I RAN AWAY FROM HOME! My mom had law enforcement friends so she always found me......but this is why I'm sharing my story with you, b/c I think you and your child need to seek out some professional help. If she has no respect for you now to listen and obey your rules, then you have a much deeper problem than that little boy, who thinks he;s a man that is sleeping w/your daughter(b/c thats why she's with him, well, that or drugs)

If my mom and I had gone to counseling together when I was that age I wouldn't have based my entire teenage-hood on sex,drugs and alcohol, which was why I was with the guy(s)(cuz there was WAY more than 1) to begin with!

Counseling!!!! It will be great for your daughter even though she will resent it and probably not wanna go, but thats when you sit her down and explain that you are her mother and you love her very much adn that you would like to find a happy medium between you and her and how to communicate better, so that the two of you can have a good relationship. It will be hard, i never wanted to go...but I did...my mom is the one that wouldn't go with me =( Thats the other reason I'm writing...cuz you need to be the rock in this relationship! I failed to mention that i never had my biological father growing up and I've come to realize that talking about it would've helped! I really hope that this is helpful for you and I hope that you can seek out some guidence for the two of you! Keep strong and faithful....everything works out in the end, I'm 27 and my mom and I have a great relationship!

Bethany - posted on 10/15/2011

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Although what you've done is a first gut reaction, I'm with the other moms in trying to find out why. Try counseling rather than making her feel like she is in jail. Meet this guy. If your daughter has any of the issue I have and many girls like me, an older guy is what she needs and what she'll feel compelled to be with. I know that 14 and 19 are worlds apart, but in high school one is a freshman and the other is a senior that may have been held back in first grade. Look at WHY before you freak. Be happy she us mentally health enough to have a relationship and smart enough to try to get around you.

Katherine - posted on 10/15/2011

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In my opinion, being under "House arrest" is enough of a punishment.

Gena - posted on 10/15/2011

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I am 21 so being 14 wasnt that long ago for me. I remember when i was 14 i was dating a 19 year old that my dad HATED but the guy and i had dated for 2 years already. Later I realized that the more my dad forbid me to see him the more i wanted to see him, talk to him which i did my dad took everything away from me as well but i still found a way to see him. In all the realtionship lasted 5 years total. and it was actaully when my dad sat down and talked to him that i fell "out of love" with him. Him and i are still good friends to this day and we both have 3 year old boys so they get along great when we get together and just catch up. the best info i can give you is remember when you were in your rebelling age. and what I would do if i was in your shoes is invite the boy and his parents over for dinner meet him observe the way he talks to your daughter treats her but even more importantly LOOKS AT HER. and then after dinner let them go to the living room while you and his parents talk about the consequences and both of you speak your mind about the situation and UNDERSTAND THEIR SIDE. Inform the if (a) happens this (z) will be the consquence and if (b) happens (y) is the consquence so on and so forth then after the parents meeting have the kids come back from the living room and inform the of what you as parents have agreed on and what will happen if the agreement is broken. but forcing her away from him is more enticing to be with him then giving your permission to be with him. remember she has to have her own mistakes and learn the hard way. dont try and protect everything away from her this could be a really good life lessons she could be learning from.

I do not/ did not want to upset anyone just trying to give a little different opinion and view on your situation

Amanda - posted on 10/15/2011

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Birth control is not 100% effective. You should talk to her and let her know that sex, not just with an older guy, but in general is something that a 14yr old should not be participating in. Sex is an act that should be performed by two consenting; adults who are responsible enough to acknowledge any consequences that can result from having sex.

Sandra - posted on 10/15/2011

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I'm so afraid to be in your shoes, my daughter is 14 as well, and as far as I know this hasn't happened. Its easy for me to say, but you have to talk to her and screaming and fighting won't help, so don't bother, but you have to explain to her that the intentions of a man w a 14 year old girl cannot be good. Get her on birth control, I know its scary, but can u imagine having this mans child to raise? It happens way too often. I agree w house arrest, but I also believe you have to give her a way out, how can she earn your trust? I make my kids come up w that on their Own. I explain, I trusted you and you screwed up, its up to you to make me trust you again. I tell them I don't know how I'll ever trsut you again, what would you do if you were in my shoes? They often buck up, homework starts getting done before I ask, chores get done, and sometimes they even talk to me about what went wrong and why they made that decision. Of course it doesn't t work all the time, but its worth an effort...

Lady - posted on 10/15/2011

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When I was 14 years old I had a 21 year old boyfriend who I would sneak around to see - at the time I thought I loved him and he loved me - looking at it now I can see it was child abuse!!! No Question about it!!!

You need to stop her seeing him, you're protecting her by doind this. I so wish my mother had!

I did it because I was lonely and I thought he cared about me, he wasn't nice to me he was very controling and pushed me into having sex - I think there is someting wrong with a guy that age going for such a young girl - he wants someone younger that he can control and tell what to do.

I suggest not trying to be too hard on your daughter - try not to control her as her boyfriend probably is - I think grounding her and taking away a lot of her privaledges is probably right, by try giver her something back too - try spending sometime with her - shopping trips or girls night outs the two of you or with her friends and you - let her have her friends round so she can still be a normal teenager with her friends and that way she can see she can have age appropriate fun and maybe will realise she doesn't need such an older boyfriend.

Try to be quite matter of fact when talking to her - not judgemental or emotional - I know that's a very hard thing to do with teenagers but the calmer you are the more responsive she'll be to you - I wish you the best of luck and if you want to talk further please feel free to PM me.

Connie - posted on 10/15/2011

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JuLeah Willson has given great advice. Turning this into you against her will certainly not help the situation. You could both go out and have a coffee or milkshake together and try to talk things through. you sound as though you are acting in fear which is fair enough but won't help you understand eachother. If you can calmly explain to your daughter what your problems are with this and also that this young man is as the law states soliciting a minor which is illegal you may be able to get her to see things from your point of view before too long. Finding out what needs are being met with her being in this relationship will also help you to understand her and hopefully get her out of this situation. Try to set regular mum and daughter time to do something together so that you have an opportunity to have an open line of communication to rebuild a trusting relationship that you both value

Amanda - posted on 10/15/2011

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Tammy, you are disciplining your daughter the way she needs to be disciplined. She is sneaking out of the house to be with a 19yr old boy. I believe that grounding your daughter is the proper discipline, but I do believe that you should sit down with her and explain why she is being grounded if you haven't done so already. She needs to understand that her actions have consequences. Don't feel bad for for being a disciplinarian because its not your job to be a best friend, its your job to be a mom. You can have compassion, but you also have to realize that once you cross the line from mom to best friend, you lose your authority. Kids need parents and discipline. Yes your daughter will tell you that she hates you and that you're ruining your life, but she will get over it. When I was younger, I lived with my grandmother and she grounded me for stuff I did. I didn't sneak out of the house or anything, but I thought she was trying to ruin my life when she grounded me, but today I am grateful because she taught me that important life lessons about love and respect. She was trying to protect me just as you're trying to protect your daughter. Your daughter may be 14, but she is a minor and you are just as responsible for her actions as she is. Just don't listen to some of the people who have posted comments saying that you're overreacting because you're not. Many parents are afraid to upset their kids because they believe that will create rebels. I hate to say this, but that is a bunch of crap. If you just talk to kids, but don't discipline, then they are going to just walk all over everyone to get what they want. My mother did this with my brothers and it created serious problems that involved my mother losing control over them at a young age. They both ended up being felons. My father didn't help matters because he tried to be a best friend instead of a father.
I do think it is important that you try to find out who this guy is, if you don't already know, and to inform the police and your daughter's school so they know there is a problem. Normally, a police officer will speak to him and inform him that there are legal repercussions if he continues to pursue your daughter. The school can help to keep track of the problem by reporting to you or the police if they notice him lurking around school grounds. Unfortunately these are the decisions you have to make as a parent. Another example of how talking doesn't work. My cousin would sneak out of her house to hang out with older guys and she ended up pregnant and having a baby at 15 years old.
The problem nowadays is that kids aren't kids anymore. There are kids getting pregnant at 12 years old. Its very scary. What's even scarier is that many parents know that their kids are having sex and they believe that if they take their daughters to the OB to get birth control, they are being responsible parents. Kids should not be having sex. I don't understand the logic. I do understand yours and it is very refreshing to see a parent who isn't scared to be a protective mother instead of a best friend.
I do have some ideas on how you can teach your daughter responsibility while spending more time with her. It would also be considered punishment. Make her earn her cell phone through completing chores. What I mean is that instead of paying for her phone for her, make her pay for her own phone with her allowance. You should set up an allowance amount for each chore she completes and keep track. When its time to pay the bill, just subtract the cost of the phone from what you owe her and give her the difference. If she wants her phone, she'll be so busy trying to earn allowance to pay for it. And you'll have a little more peace of mind because she be spending time at home instead of sneaking out of the house. You should get her one of those "pay as you go" phones that way you have an itemized bill exclusively for her phone. But make sure you purchase the phone in your name so you have exclusive access to the phone records.
Another thing you can do is plan family outings on the weekend so she won't have time sneak out. Family outings will hopefully strengthen the bonds between you and your daughter. However, when planning these outings, make sure its something that the family will learn from. And if you promise to take the family somewhere, do not break your promise. Kids lose their trust in parents who can't fulfil their promises which only makes the situation that much worse.
I wish you all the best and hopefully everything works out.

Jacky - posted on 10/15/2011

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I'm sorry, but do you actually know your daughter is having sex?? talk about jumping the gun!!
Give her some respect and talk to her.
I agree she shouldnt sneak out that is wrong but you have to ask yourself why she feels the need to sneak out.
By taking everything away I think you are pushing her to be more rebellious.
Good luck with what you decide. but just talk to her and try not to judge her. She may just be trying to get your attention.

Juliann - posted on 10/15/2011

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My daughter is now 24 so I've been through all of this. You have to be more open with her. Now is not the time to treat her like a child, she will shut you out. She needs a grown up friend (yes I know she's just a child still) who can guide her through these discovery years. I was open with my daughter and yes I was the person she came and told when she lost her virginity. You must talk to her more about everything in your life and hers. She needs to learn to trust you. Yes you should meet the boy. To punish her so severely is creating a rebel. I've seen it in my daughters friends, how their mothers are reacting like you are and the consequences thereof. I knew what they were doing because my daughter told me, I was her best friend. My daughter went to the clinic for contraception by herself but came home and told me. She in now a happily married, well adjusted woman stll with no children as she has decided on a little later in life would be better. Yes there have been many, many moments where I could have freaked out but then I would never have known what she and all her friends were doing. So take a deep breath and get to know her. Good luck further on :-)

User - posted on 10/15/2011

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I think taking her to the gynocologist is an excellent idea. Mine actually recommends it at age 13. Not even necessarily for a pap, just a private convo and an opportunity to talk about STD's, birth control, etc. (even though my experience say kids dont sneak out at night to play video games. Chances are shes having sex.) I love the comments saying talk to her. I hope and am pretty sure you've already done that. I am also a big fan of using community resources. Talking with a teen mom, cool, but be careful the teen mom doesn't glamorize the situation. I can kind of see both arguments regarding what to do with the boy, but if it was me I'd talk with his parents. I don't care if hes 19, somebody better talk some sense into him. No they can't stop him, but chances are he'll listen to them before he listens to you. Is it too late to maybe get her attention elsewhere? Sports, music, something to keep her busy? Maybe even a babysitting gig, let her earn money and see just how much she doesn't want kids at the same time? Good luck mom, my daughter is a preteen and I'm freaking out already!!!

Sharlene - posted on 10/15/2011

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I KNOW I WAS SAYING IN MY COMMENTS THE MOTHER SHOULD PHONE THE POLICE AND SHE SHOULD TAKE THE DAUGHTER TO OBS TO GET CHECKED OUT BUT NOW IM THINKING TO MYSELF HOW DO WE KNOW IF HES DOING THIS AND NOT HER

Sharlene - posted on 10/15/2011

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IVE BEEN ON THIS SUBJECT ALL DAY ME AND MY HUSBAND SHAYNE HAVE DEBATED ABOUT THIS EVEN HE HAS PUT IN COMMENT IN THIS STORY TODAY UNDER SHAYNE IM PROBABLY SEEING THIS THE OTHER WAY WHAT IF ITS THE 14 YR OLD THAT WONT LEAVE THE 19 YR OLD ALONE AND HIS TELLING HER NOT TO SNEAK OUT OF THE HOUSE AND WERE PROBABLY PICKING ON THE WRONG PERSON . GUYS HAVE YOU THOUGHT ABOUT THE 14 YR OLD TEENAGER NOT LEAVING THE 19 YR OLD ALONE PLEASE GET BACK WITH REMARKS!!!!!!!!!

Daphne - posted on 10/14/2011

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Talk to her let her know how you feel about it , If you just look for way to "punish " her she could end up a run away....btw you could have the guy charged.

Tracy - posted on 10/14/2011

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Statutory Rape if they have had sex and he would be a registered sex offender for the next decade plus. He knows better. Call the cops.

Reda - posted on 10/14/2011

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I would suggest spending a lot of time with her to figure out what is going on in her head. She will probably get tired of doing everything you do and going everywhere you go. That seems to do the trick.

Karen - posted on 10/14/2011

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I think that there needs to be some kind of system in place for kids these days - that IF they can't talk to their parents about what is going on - there is somewhere they can go and someone they can talk to. Perhaps talking to some teen mom's would be a good eye opener - single teen mom's are not hard to find - girls who thought that their bf's would be there through it all but turned tail and ran once they found out...if you have ever seen scared straight on TV? You should see if you can get the channel because I tell ya those kids go into a prison to visit - they all act tough and like their parents don't matter and they got life all figured out - and they come out going omg if I keep this up that COULD be and WILL be me. I really hope she gets the point and that he gets lost. Yes we have to protect our kids these days, we can't even let them go ride bikes two blocks over, we can't let them walk home from a friends alone, we can't give them the freedom we had because now things are different - there is more danger out there - it's more out there and that means we can better prepare for what could happen. For all intention purposes he doesn't need to be hanging around - she may get upset at him being reported but if he doesn't take the hint if you ask him to stop seeing your daughter - then give her principal the run down and go to the cops - file a complaint - but try talking to both of them and let them know where you stand and go from there...all you can do is hope that is all it takes and if not step it up little by little...but tell her why you are doing this and get her to babysit some little little ones...it isn't as easy as it seems...

Gilda Marie - posted on 10/14/2011

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Maybe spend a little more time with her to find out what is going on in her heart??? Maybe going out shopping together and dinner or sometimes I communicate with my daughter by email to let her know how much I love her and no matter what she does I am always there for her. I could be totally wrong here or at a loss or off track.

Sharlene - posted on 10/14/2011

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sHE SHOULD COME TO MY HOUSE I HAVE 7 KIDS THAT WOULD BE A NIGHT MARE FOR HER

User - posted on 10/14/2011

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Having a teen-age daughter is rough! If you take everything away from her, she is only going to find something else...
depending on the phone service you have, ATT has a family map you can add 2 people for 9.99 a month. It will tell you where your child/ family is... if they loose their phone or someone takes it or if you just want to check up on your daughter... it tells you within a certain range where she is. There's also a spy product you can add to her phone if it's an up to date phone that will alert you of certian things.... as to the computer she uses, you can put a key logger on there so you know what's going on with her. There's a lot of things I don't understand why my daughter does some of the things she does but by me being able to monitor behind the scenes gives me a heads up of what's going on and how to prepare.
I would also make it mandatory that your daughter baby-sit for little ones... it will give her a better picture of what her life would be like if she had one of her own to take care of.

Grace - posted on 10/14/2011

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I would be tempted to set up something with a teenage mom to talk with her about where this behavior can lead. Maybe she will get the message when its someone she considers a peer. I think that a dose of what reality can be may influence her to make better choices and rethink her behavior.You could try to contact the YMCA (or other similar agency), they may be able to provide you with resources.

Kerry - posted on 10/14/2011

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I am a labor and delivery nurse and have seen the consequences of this kind of behavior. Are you be ready to be grandma? She needs to see a therapist and also needs to talk with some girls who are actually struggling with raising a child. Their teen years are gone. Make sure she doesn't talk with someone whose momma is raising the child. You also need to deal with the 19 year old. Although, if it's not him it will be someone else. The problem is her. I think I would meet up with this guy and (without threatening) just explain how easy it is to castrate a man. Scare the **** out of him.

Karen - posted on 10/14/2011

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Go to school with her! report the young man as a criminal. Time to get to her heart and find out why she thinks this is ok, balance with education on birth control, std's, teen pregnancy, her friends know what is going on and are ok with it, so it is time for new friends..or a new attitude, kids can find ways around alarms, and locks. She needs peer counseling to get to her if she isn't listening to her parents. Volunteer at shelters, homeless, domestic violence child care, food pantries....to give her a picture of how hard life is for others and give her a chance to give....there are lots of suggestions, but getting to her heart, doing something relationship building for the two of you(have fun together going hiking, bowling, whatever is fun for you both--) Talk about the joy of her birth and some of your dreams for her future and help her through this....good luck! a good counselor she relates to is such a blessing, too

Jacinda - posted on 10/14/2011

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Wow. I Think you should definitly have a sit down and talk to her. That much punishment will result in her becoming even more rebellious. The more you try to protect someone, the more likely they are going to get hurt. Ask if you can meet this boy, or even his parent. Or invite him out to a family event to a free concert or something. She may even stop liking him after finding out he's not the kinda guy she really wants to hang out with. Really have a think about what or how you are punishing her. She might feel even now that you hate her, so there is no going back?

Michelle - posted on 10/14/2011

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The only reason a 19 year old boy would be with a 14 yr old girl is if 1. He is mentally slow and at her maturity/intelligence level, or 2. She's an easy mark. I don't understand why parents do not call the cops on the 19 yr old ADULT who is PREYING on their MINOR children.

God bless!

Ashley - posted on 10/14/2011

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Ok, first off I just want to say I understand your feelings ...you want to protect your daughter from her own mistakes, & as a mother its natural to place a lot of blame on this boy. Lets just remember, at his age., he is still a kid too. Boys mature a lot slower than girls do. Chances are it wont work out but you should meet him, get to know this guy that your daughter has feelings for, it will also help you understand who she is becoming as a young woman.definitely have the sex talk with both of them, teen pregnancy is not an easy road & make them both aware they will be responsible for their own actions...in other words MOM ISN'T GONNA CLEAN UP YOUR MESS & RAISE YOUR CHILD, IF THEY DO IT ITS ON THEM! I know it sounds harsh but they both need to meet reality! Good luck hunny!

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